How To Get Your Dream Girl and Keep Her For Good

February 17, 2010 | By Candice | In Dating 

Dear Candice,

I’ve been in and out a few relationships. Lately I’ve been having dreams about a girl that I was really in love with a long time ago. My dream girl, she is. We never got together but we’re civil to each other until now. We don’t talk or see each other much but when we do, we get along really well. I thought I gave up on her a long time ago ‘cos she started dating some other guy. I think about her more often now. I wanted to tell her how I feel, but was scared to know that she doesn’t feel the same for me, or if she does, the relationship might not last long. So my question is… how to get your dream girl and keep her for good? – Oliver George from Texas

Dear Oliver,

If not all, most of us have someone that we dream of dating, cuddling and spending our time with. But not everyone has the chance to really get to meet and know very well that someone. It’s because most of us didn’t take the chance… often, we fear rejection. How can you possibly get your dream girl doesn’t involve how you treat women, but how you treat yourself, you got to be a real man.

Always look for something greater. Among the positive things about life, whether a situation is brought about by luck, fate or your past actions, you can always evolve to a better life. If you want to keep going, you certainly can, because there are plenty of levels to keep evolving to. Never stop dreaming and achieving for something greater than your life now.

Get rid of your ‘inner wussy’ . More often, inner wussy screws up your chances in getting the girl of your dream. You may need to take some time getting rid of it, because usually, it gets stuck and take away energy from you and going forward can be a lot difficult. Think about what benefits you can get by thinking like a wussy. Perhaps if you grumble about stuff it indicates you do not have to feel accountable for your life, which may feel good in the short-term. Or perhaps if you whine about how awful other people are will give you a slight feeling of being superior to others. Do yourself a favor, and get rid of this stuff. It will never serve you, and women don’t dig it.

Be responsible. If you wish to have a tremendous success with women as well as life, be someone who makes things happen. Be responsible in every thoughts and actions you make. And if you find yourself trying to get away and not taking responsibility for your decisions in life, take a pause and remind yourself that you are the one responsible for your own life. Particularly in those times when it’s fairly easy to put blame on somebody else. If you take responsibility for your very existence, you’ll be a much better person who can create the life you hope for in the process.

Keep in mind that you can only change yourself, not others. Focus on yourself, not women. “You can’t change other people, you can only change yourself…”  is one great adage that we can all can live for. Whenever things go south or you weren’t able to get what you want, your immediate thought is “this other person should change, or else..,”  this is not how you should think. If you really want to be a lot more successful with women, quit from wanting women to change for you, and rather start changing yourself. Once you do, you’ll also change your own point of view and your results.

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Pros and Cons of Internet Dating

January 13, 2010 | By Candice | In Dating 

Dear Candice,

I’m awfully a shy person. Going up to a guy and initiate communication is difficult for me. A few days ago I met someone on an Internet dating site, please give me some advice on this. Can this be a good start? Thanks – Marah

Dear Marah,

Given the frantic lifestyle most of us lead nowadays, finding the ideal partner can often prove to be virtually impossible, irrespective of whether or you’re a man or a woman. Because of this, Internet dating sites have become immensely popular, but of course just as with many things in life, you get good sites and bad sites. This is exactly why so many people stand to benefit from having a reliable singles websites guide; in that they can do much in terms of helping you avoid some of the more dubious singles websites one comes across on the internet.

The most important thing of all to remember when you’re considering signing up with singles websites is your own personal safety. Admittedly, the vast majority of people who frequent such websites are in the exact same position as you are, and they are also hoping to find the ideal partner, but of course, there’s also that small minority who join such websites with nothing but ill intentions in mind. Once again, a good, informative singles websites guide can help you to avoid making contact with such individuals. For example, one such singles websites guide highlights the importance of avoiding situations where you could be required to share your personal information such as your physical address and your telephone number. As is mentioned in the guide, you should never consider sharing such information with anyone you meet on singles websites, at least not for a few weeks.

The same singles websites guide referred to above also explains why you should take extreme care when it comes to actually meeting the other person you’ve been communicating with, even if you’ve been communicating for a few months. For example, the guide explains why you should always insist on meeting in a public place where they will be many people about, and of course, you should always try to use your own transport if you have any. Alternatively, you should make sure you have enough money on you so that you can pay for a taxi if necessary. Let’s face it; even though the two of you may have been communicating for quite some time, that’s not to say that you know each other very well, so of course you don’t want to rely on someone for transport when you barely even know them.

These tips are of course just the tip of the iceberg, and that’s why you should make a point of finding a reputable singles websites guide if you intend signing up with singles websites. A good guide will explain in detail why you should never open up completely on your first date by telling your date your entire life story. Likewise, you should never start or encourage any form of conversation regarding sex with anyone you meet on singles websites. Also, the same singles websites guide referred to in this article explains why you should never lie when you meet your date, because after all, lies always tend to come out in the end, and it’s certainly not a good way of starting a relationship, particularly if you’re hoping to find a lifelong partner.

Providing you take this advice into consideration when you begin frequenting singles websites, and providing you follow the advice given in a singles websites guide, you should have no difficulty finding and meeting someone who may very well end up being your partner for life. And yes, it can be a good start.

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Christmas Depression – How To Survive The Season

December 18, 2009 | By Candice | In Advice 

Dear Candice,

I have a friend who always falls in depression every year, around Christmas, for personal reasons. I really want to know how to help her deal with it. How can I help my friend, who is in Christmas depression? – Farah

Dear Farah,

I also have a friend who falls in Christmas depression. During holiday season, when most us are out celebrating with friends and families, she would rather spend her time alone and not accept calls. I and the rest of our friends were at a loss as to how to console her. You see, the stresses associated with Christmas can bring about depressive illness. For those affected by depression, Christmas can be the very worst time of the year.

There’s a lot of contributing factors of Christmas depression. Christmas can be a sad and gloomy time for those who live alone, they feel more isolated when faced with greater socializing going on around them. Holiday season, can be a worrying season as well, particularly for those on low incomes and benefits. Even those who work during the holidays, but are also expected to engage in the usual round of parties and drinks evenings, depression is more likely to come to them.

Many who do not wish to be reminded of their hardships at this time of year are still very much in need of a friend. The usual round of parties and drunken revels do not help much, or do not help at all. It is quite likely that we will have a drink at some time during the festive season. However, while one or two drinks once in a while may help people relax and cheer them up, remember that alcohol is a depressant and can exacerbate the symptoms of depression. Spending some quality time with your friend over a meal or an evening of movies and popcorn might be more helpful. Try something different but above all be sensitive to your friend’s needs.

Encourage your friend to talk it out. Your friend may be feeling sad and tired, but probably still look the same to you. Unless your friend tells you how she feels, you won’t understand what is wrong. And when she begin to share her emotions, be a listening ear for her. It’s an important treatment for depression.

Help your friend to plan activities ahead. If she’s worried about being alone, help her find out what is going on in your area. Check local newspapers or the Internet to find out what community events are going on. Volunteering at a local food bank, hospital, or church choir are some of the activities you may look into joining. Try to find out about this as early as possible. Also, see whether there is a good day or time for her to visit friends or relatives.

Lastly, make her remember that the Christmas holidays are only for two weeks. After that, things get back to normal. Reassure to her that while depression will last a little longer, it too will pass. It doesn’t last forever! Depression affects one in five of us at some point. It can be especially difficult to cope with Christmas depression, it will really be helpful to make her feel that she is not alone.

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How To Bounce Back From A Break Up

November 23, 2009 | By Candice | In Moving On 

Dear Candice,

My boyfriend for eight years broke up with me six months ago because I said some things to him that weren’t too nice. I realize I was mean and have apologized sincerely but he said I went to far, he can no longer take me and is insistent that its over. So here I am, after six months, still feeling completely terrible for what I’ve done and that I lost someone I so love, who has been part of my life for a long time, over some harsh words. How can I get over this feeling? How can I bounce back from a breakup… to feel happy and whole again? I also tried to see some other guys, but just didn’t work out. Any suggestions on how to cope and feel better? Or even any good ideas on how to make up with him to fix the situation? — Sophia

Dear Sophia,

Thank you for your letter, I know a lot of people who can relate to your situation, and that includes me. I know how it feels like to be in a long-term relationship then in a snap be single again… it’s like a total reboot. And it’s never easy to get back up, bounce back from a break up, and start over again.

Going out with someone to cover up the absence of your ex? I have had fair share of that. And yes, none of it worked. It’s because we feel rather “naked” when it comes to dating men. Often, there are too much problems and drama whenever two people break up and there’s a lot of issues that’s hard to deal with, making it hard for us to invest our feelings once again.

One thing I’ve learned from this is to never loose hope that everything will get better with time. Time heals all wounds, and it’s best to wait for that time, when you’re totally healed and recovered, before getting into a new relationship. Putting yourself together can be really hard. It may take more than six months or years to feel like “you are yourself again” and ready to date men once again.

After a break up, take some time to clear your thoughts and mend your heart. How? First, and the most effective, is to clear your room with all items that may remind you of him. Then spend time with your family and and friends. Do the things that you missed doing with them, have fun! If at the end of the day, you feel like you want to cry, then let yourself cry. I assure you, there will come a day that you won’t feel like crying anymore.

Another thing that you can do to bounce back up after a breakup is to find new hobbies. Go out in the sun and get busy! Discover places or learn new sports or volunteer for charitable cause. This will give you so much time to turn over a new leaf and become a much better person.

You see, there are so many things that you can do to move on after a break up. You don’t really have to rush back into a new relationship. Perhaps there’s no need for a new relationship. Sure, there are ways to have that magic of making up with your boyfriend. But first, you need to be yourself again.

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Ending Toxic Relationships

November 3, 2009 | By Candice | In Moving On 

Dear Candice,

I’ve been in a casual relationship for almost a year now, the relationship has been off and on. I’m aware he sees other people as do I. He is mature, divorced, and has 3 kids. We’ve developed a pattern in which we are cool for a few months and then have a huge fight, say mean things and stop talking for awhile and then it just picks right back up. Everything seemed to be going okay these last few months, but then something happened. He stopped calling me, not heard from him at all for 2 weeks. And then I got this message telling me he was sorry cos he’s out of reach and he’s spending a month vacation with a girl he met a few weeks ago… and he needs a break!!! Seriously??? A break from what? He already did!!! We don’t even have a friendship. I wouldn’t treat my friends like that. I really want to get over this, it’s just gone toxic, any advice? – Marie Gomez

Dear Marie,

Getting over a relationship can be very difficult and heartbreaking. Often times, when it comes to ending toxic relationships, half of your heart is telling you to stay away from your ex, while the other half wants to keep a close watch on his whereabouts. Definitely, you know what choice is good for you. Toxic relationships aren’t just bad, in other cases, they can be damaging as well.

Also, getting revenge may come to your mind or set up your own blog where you can rant and rave about your toxic relationship and how you feel about your boyfriend. Perhaps it’s a good way to let go of bad emotions and get some advice from those who would ever read your blog. But it’s, most of the time, just a waste of time and energy. Allowing people to show your out of control? Not a good idea. So what should you do to end a toxic relationship?

Get those tears out. Crying alone in your room could help, but you can surely do better than that. Get those tears out in a movie! Ask a friend or two to watch a movie with you and when the mushy part sets in, cry it all out. Your friends probably wouldn’t care if you cry even by just seeing two polar bears snuggling up, it is a mushy moment after all.

Never call him. Keep in mind that, this relationship was toxic. As much as you may yearn to hear his voice, think of the phone as a transmitter for those poisonous relationship toxins to seep back into your system. The longer you can go without dialing him up or seeing him face-to-face, the stronger you will grow.

Have a list of the good and the bad. Making a list helps you put the true nature of your relationship with your boyfriend into a more realistic standpoint. When you can actually point out all those bad and crazy things he did to you, you’ll realize that it’s far more reasonable to end your relationship and move on with your life without him. Score for the other half of your heart that tells you to stay away from your ex.

Have an outlet for your pent-up energy. If you are feeling stressed because of your relationship, it’s best to draw your attention to something that you love doing. Learn photography or anything you can enjoy that requires your creative mind working. Channel your emotions into activities, which can be meaningful to you. If you do so, you are not just helping your mind wander about something else, but it helps you see and understand your feelings more through what you create as well.

Talk it out. Have your good friends, sisters or any family member who care about what you feel. They are those people who are most willing to lend an ear and hear you, even your rants and raves, or just babbling about what the relationship used to be like.

Sadly, breakups will happen in one way or another, and whether we like it or not… but they are optional. Many of us may have to go through a number of breakups to be able to learn how to handle a romantic relationship. It’s not bad to feel sad and it’s definitely okay to dwell on your emotions. Just don’t beat yourself up much. If you are in a toxic relationship, sort things out if you can, if not, deal with it and move on.

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