There Are Things You Don’t Need To Do When Getting Your Boyfriend Back
November 26, 2008 | 1 Comment
Dear Candice,
Just ended my relationship over a month ago, now I realized that he was the best thing that happened to me. And I definitely would do anything to get him back. I emailed him, asked him out for a dinner. He responded, but said that it’s not the time. Does sending him an email wrong? Please tell me what to do and what not to do. – Sincerely, Simone (NY)
Dear Simone,
In an effort to rebuild a relationship after a breakup, there are a lot of things you can do. Perhaps some of them are smart and produce results. However, more often than not, some don’t accomplish much of anything. They can actually cause damage and make the process of getting your ex back more difficult.
Let’s look at a few things you don’t need to do when you are in pursuit of your ex. These things are common behaviors that fail to assist in the rebuilding process and that you should be very happy to avoid. Women who fall into these mistakes almost always wish they hadn’t!
I know that in the face of a break up, the instinctive thing to do is to change yourself in a way that you think he’ll find appealing. You want get his attention that is why you want to be appealing, at least for him. But, seriously, you don’t need to change yourself. That instinct, however, is dead wrong.
Attempting to make superficial changes to yourself, won’t really make much of a difference to him. Your ex knows you well, so he can easily determine if you are making drastic moves to get him back. Changes in fashion and appearance are the kind of skin-deep moves that don’t really have an impact on him as you try to get back together. This move does nothing, but sends a message that you are desperate. And nothing is less attractive than looking needy or desperate.
Making major life changes does not only sends a message of desperation in the attempt of getting your ex boyfriend back. It also conveys to your ex that perhaps there is something very wrong with you. How great can you be if you’re constantly trying to re-invent yourself anyway?
You may be able to “fake it” for a while, but it will become obvious that your changes were an effort at gaming him in the long run. Sooner or later, your ex will find out that those are not a real reflection of who you are. Making those changes also usually fails to work because they aren’t consistent with who you really are. That certainly mitigates any potential strategic value of changing yourself.
To be honest is important to successfully rebuild your relationship. If you try to become something that you aren’t, you are being unkind both to yourself and to him. That kind of behavior constitutes an effort to rebuild your romance based on a foundation of dishonesty. There is no way that a relationship will flourish when it’s based on lies. There are some women who are lucky enough to get their exes back using those silly techniques, but another breakup followed after.
Trying to transform yourself into someone you are not is one of the things you don’t need to do to get your ex back. There are many tempting possibilities that just don’t pay off in the long run. But, there are also many positive things you can do to help you get your ex boyfriend back.
Don’t try to get him back with tricks… you can do better than that. You can get your boyfriend back legitimately without compromising your own integrity. Stay honest, decent and direct. That’s the best way to rebuild a relationship and get your ex back into your life.
Getting Your Boyfriend Back – How to Deal with Your “What If” Questions
November 25, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Dear Candice,
I broke up with my boyfriend a month ago. I was busy with my work then, but now that my mind is clear, I realized that I made a mistake of ending my relationship with him. I want him back. But what if he doesn’t want to? What if he’s seeing someone else? What if he hated me for breaking up with him? – Daphne (Alabama)
Dear Daphne,
What if he does this? What if I do that? What if I try this and it doesn’t work? What if I say that he responds with this? What it? What if? What if?
You want to get your ex boyfriend back, but you’re bothered by these questions as you consider the best way to rebuild your relationship. There are a lot of women out there, just like you, who worry about every move that might go into working things out and find themselves constantly second and even third-guessing all of them. It’s a never-ending cycle of hypothetical questions.
I’ve been in the situation too at one point in my life. I’ve entertained those silly questions in my head and found myself unable to move forward. I was once a victim too of what we call “paralysis by analysis”. It’s really an unproductive kind of concern that can ruin your chances to get your ex boyfriend back. I’m saying this based on my experience, the more you worry about everything that could happen, the more you’ll find yourself in a position where nothing is happening at all.
You’ll be absolutely unable to take the actions necessary to rebuild your relationship if you’re constantly poring over what might happen. It won’t be easy to not think about it, but it is essential. If you want to get your boyfriend back, you need to put all of those concerns aside.
There are some sort of secret that will allow you to move forward in a way that doesn’t involve constant second-guessing and reconsidering. The secret worked for me. Here’s how you can actually do it.
First, keep in mind that your goal is to get your boyfriend back and that over-analizing every possibility doesn’t help you to achieve that goal. Maintaining a goal-based focus and filtering your potential behavior through that prism can help keep you on track.
Second, no matter what you do and no matter how many different contingencies you consider, there are things that will happen that you could never conceivably plan for. You must understand that there is an inevitable component of unpredictability in human behavior. It makes the notion of thinking every possibility through seem almost ridiculous when you recognize that you can never be truly ready for everything.
Lastly, you should learn how to work with a smart plan designed to maximize your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back. This plan worked for me and for everyone else I know. If you know you are using a sound strategy that has produced results in the past, it will allow you to relax a little and will help lighten some of your “what if” fears.
To successfully get your ex boyfriend back, you need to move forward quickly and intelligently. Don’t allow yourself to get bogged down in a cycle of unproductive second-guessing. “What if” thinking doesn’t inspire necessary action, it only implies insecurity, and it stands in your way to get your ex back.
The Power to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back Comes with Responsibility
November 24, 2008 | 2 Comments
Dear Candice,
If breakups are optional and I can definitely make it happen if I want to, why do I still need to have a good approach or some sort of a guideline? I also want to get my ex back and I know that he still loves me. Does a simple holler won’t get my ex back? – Pearl (Chicago, Illinois)
Dear Pearl,
Because getting your ex boyfriend back is a serious business. When we are talking about getting your ex back… we’re talking about matters of the human heart and influencing the behavior and decisions of others. You need to use the power to get your ex back responsibly for your own sake. You owe it to yourself to be happy and that means you’ll need to make smart decisions. That’s why it’s important to be sure that you really want your ex boyfriend back before you take action. You don’t want to waste your time, energy and emotion if you’re not wholly convinced you’re doing the right thing.
Break ups are optional. And yes, you have all the power to rebuild your relationship and get your ex back into your life. If you want to get your ex boyfriend back, you certainly can do it. If you want to go from breaking up to making up, it’s your call. These are all simple facts. However you may not understand the truth of these statements… yet. Also, you might not yet have the tools and knowledge necessary to re-ignite the flames of your romance’s passion. Nonetheless, the statements are true.
Women think that getting their exes back takes a lot of power. The power to rebuild a relationship is so significant that it comes with a healthy supply of responsibility. I am sure you know the old saying: “With great power comes great responsibility”. Yes, this also applies when you are trying to get your ex back.
Women can decide to put an end to the break ups? And sadly, they often do. While women do have all the right information and approach to get their exes back, they are still afraid to take action and keep asking themselves “what if” questions.
It’s nothing short of cruel to bring your ex back into your life, if you don’t really want him back. No matter what you might think about him at this moment, he’s a human being and he doesn’t deserve to have his heart and soul toyed with for the wrong reasons. As much as you owe yourself to get him back, you also owe it to your ex boyfriend and use that power responsibly.
Many women break up with their guys and feel helpless. Some are lucky enough to realize that they are anything but helpless. They learn how and why they can re-initiate a relationship and discover that getting back together with an ex is well within their ability.
A desire to live a happier and more fulfilled life should be your motivation to rebuild your relationship. Not just because you think the he still loves you or vice versa. Corrupted ends are bound to have a negative impact on the rest of your life, if you behave unethically or irresponsibly. The power does come with some ethical responsibilities that need to be taken seriously.
So, before you take a single step to bring your ex boyfriend back into your life, it is important to consider the responsibility that’s going to accompany your power to rebuild the relationship. If you approach the matter in an ethically upright and correct manner, both of you and he will be much happier in the long run.
Get Your Ex Back – Yes, The Past Does Matter!
November 21, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Dear Candice,
I seriously made a mistake so my boyfriend broke up with me. I tried to win him back but he’s reluctant and doesn’t appreciate my efforts. I’m starting to lose hope. The cause of our break up is really not good, will there be a way to get him back without making him flip out on me like this? – Joan (somewhere in Massachusetts)
Dear Joan,
I wish I could tell you that the cause and nature of your break up won’t play any single role in your ability to get your ex boyfriend back, that would be hypocrisy. There are really some things that might influnce your ability to re-start the relationship.
Yes, the past does matter. However, it doesn’t necessarily need to control your future. The nature of your break up will surely have an impact on what it will take to get your boyfriend back in your life. The good news is, no matter what caused your break up, there are ways to get your ex back.
We can’t escape our pasts, but it doesn’t mean that we have to be slaves to it. The past is history, you definitely can’t do anything to alter it. What you do now and into the future is what you can control, and that’s going to determine if you get him back or not.
As you undergo the process of trying to rebuild the partnership, it will be very difficult for your ex to instantly receive you with open arms. That’s particularly true if the break up is largely the outgrowth of some indiscretion or misbehavior on your part. That is also true if you’ve been untrustworthy, dishonest or uncaring in the relationship.
The nature of your relationship prior to the break up will also be relevant. If your ex boyfriend feels as he was always on the short end of the stick and feels that he’s not being well loved in return, it might be more difficult to rebuild the relationship. You must realize that sometimes a relationship is great for one person, and just average for the other. Some relationships are good for one party and horrible for the other.
It’s definitey understandable if a man is reluctant to get back together with a woman. This happens if his last interactions with your ex were something approximating vicious, thus causing him to hate you. And even if the break up didn’t stem from anything you did, it can still be tougher to get your ex boyfriend back, this happens if the parting was particularly nasty or ugly. It’s reasonable.
But then again, let me tell you that we don’t need to let the past govern our future. No matter what happened before, you can still get your ex boyfriend back. Yes, you might have to work harder to rebuild the relationship based on some aspects of your past, but you can still get back together with one another.
You can’t change what you did in the past. You’ve wounded someone’s heart… sure thing the wound will heal in time, but the scar will still remain. People can always forgive… but not all can forget. There’s no way to erase what happened “back then”, but what you do from today onwards is completely up to you! And that’s more important.
Everything that happened “before” will matter. The extent to which it matters will be determined by the details. Regardless, though, none of it can stand in your way. If you are completely convinced that you and your ex boyfriend need to take another chance and deserving of that love, there’s a way to make it happen. Stop worrying about the past and start working now to build a great future.
Choose the Right Way in Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
November 20, 2008 | 1 Comment
Dear Candice,
I’s so confused right now. I want to get my ex back but I don’t know how to do it. Will a simple call make it work? Or shall I have to totally change how I look to attract him again? Will this get him back? Or is it best to just let him go? – Roxy (Atlanta, Georgia)
Dear Roxy,
To move forward after a break up, you will need to make a choice. And it’s definitely not easy. In the aftermath of a break up, you’ll approach a fork in the road with three clearly defined options, that’s where you got to make a choice. And the options are: Let your ex boyfriend go. Try to get him back using whatever means necessary. Try to get him back the right way.
Letting your ex boyfriend go is not a credible option. Of course, you’re a woman and you’re hurt. And nothing beats the courage of a woman, to immediately stop her pain if she’s hurting. We often times decide right away. We want to instantly fix ‘the now’ rather than fixing and building ‘the future’. You want him back, there is a special connection at play or you feel the relationship should develop, so it’s definitely not the time to let him go.
The second option is probably the most popular one. We often hear ourselves saying “I’m going to get what I want, by hook or by crook.” Courageous? Yes! But definitely not going to work if you want to get your ex back for good. Many women are happy to take a no-holds-barred approach to rebuilding a relationship after a break up. They’ll lie, trick, scheme, play on weaknesses and do anything and everything under the sun to get their ex boyfriend back.
It is possible to get your guy back by using dirty tricks and ethically questionable schemes. Unfortunately, they rarely work for long. They might bring him back, but they set a horrible precedence and cut against the honest and solid foundation you’ll need to make the relationship grow. They also bring with them a very serious series of moral and ethical questions. Doing “whatever it takes” can require you to compromise your principles. It can also lead you to start treating another human being’s heart as if it is merely some kind of a game piece. So, is that who you want to be? Bottom line is, getting your ex boyfriend back by hook or by crook, just doesn’t work.
Why would you risk your chances in getting your man back by using some obscure tricks, thus denigrating your dignity, where in fact there’s a way that really works? And that is to get your ex boyfriend back the right wayh. This is the only viable choice among the options. This is the way to approaching the situation without exploiting his weaknesses or fooling him into giving the relationship another shot. This is the honest way to get your ex back and at the same time keeps both your dignity and integrity intact.
This last option works, but it might not be as easy. This might force you to confront a few things you would rather avoid. It might not be as quick as telling a whopper, either. However, it can get your man back into your life after a break up. Choosing the right way is the only option that really provides a legitimate chance at long-term success. If you handle things the right way, you will build a solid basis from which to nurture and develop your relationship.
If you want your ex boyfriend back and are considering how to move forward, consider all three choices. Think what they would really mean in the larger scheme of things. If you want to sucessfully get your ex boyfriend back in your life for good, choose the right way.
Candice Garcia’s and Curtis Daniel’s Blog
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