Escape Regret – A Strong Reason To Consider Trying To Get Your Ex Back
December 29, 2008 | 1 Comment
Dear Candice,
Been going out with my boyfriend for a year and broke up with him last week. I am not sure why I did this. We were both being crappy and fighting. I immediately regretted my decision. What shall I do? – Nikki
Dear Nikki,
I have heard so many stories about going through a break up only to regret at a later time for not trying to save the relationship, sad tale it is. When you break up with someone and later regret your decision, is there anything you can do to get him back? The answer is, yes!
If you know that you had something special and you felt as though the relationship was deserving of a second chance, then it’s worth trying to get him back. However, for some reason, people failed to listen to their heart and let the partnership die. The story is always a fable of regret, punctuated by wishes that something else had happened.
That certainly isn’t the situation you want to find yourself in. If you are not comfortable with the breakup and you don’t want to regret in the end, go try getting back together with your ex — it’s indeed a very strong reason to consider to get your ex back. If you feel like he’s special and that the relationship had potential to be something wonderful, you will undoubtedly regret not taking action in the long run.
Let me ask you, do you want to be that someone that reflects on a later time in your life wondering what might have happened if you would have followed through on your feelings? You don’t want to think about him decades from now, wishing you knew where he was, what he was doing, and what things might be like if you had picked up the phone back when your heart was screaming at you to take a second chance on love.
If you believe that breaking up with your ex was a mistake you have to stand up and step forward to save the relationship. There are a lot of people who went through break ups, but did so only after making a sincere and heartfelt attempt at a second chance. They might not have succeeded then, but they moved forward with a certain comfort as a result of making an effort and they found love again.
There are those who did not step forward, though… those who did not put forth an effort. They are those who have regrets. They chose to spend their days wondering about what might have happened if things went differently. They chose to live in the past rather than taking living in the present as an option. They have failed to take action when it was needed the most. You have an option not to be like them.
There’s no prettier than the ugliest days of a break up but having regrets. If you want him back, try to get him back. It surely is the best thing to do. If you don’t mind the break up and you’re relatively sure things wouldn’t have amounted too much with him in the long run, then it isn’t necessarily a good idea to try to revive your relationship. On the other hand, if you want your ex boyfriend back you owe it to yourself to take immediate and serious action in an effort to rebuild the relationship.
Tapping the Wrong Approach Won’t Get Your Boyfriend Back
December 19, 2008 | 71 Comments
Dear Candice,
My boyfriend broke up with me, he said he is done fighting. I really want to work things out. It’s been five months, and I’m still waiting for his call. I followed some of my friends advice to get him back, but none worked. There are times that I can’t make up my mind? What shall I do? – Saddie
Dear Saddie,
From the way I see it, you tried to get your boyfriend back, but failed. You did not get him back because you’ve tapped the wrong approach. These common errors leave countless relationships for dead on the rocky shores of a break up. These are the kind of mistakes that ruin the opportunity to revive and maintain relationships that might have flowered into something really amazing. In other words, what you did are huge errors and you should bed over backwards to avoid committing them again.
Waiting for him to make the first move was your first mistake. While you’re waiting for him, he might be waiting for you. Until someone blinks, the relationship doesn’t get out of break up territory. Besides, every day wasted on waiting is another day of unnecessary suffering. Face your fears and make a move as soon as possible. Your odds to get your boyfriend back improve with fast action. It also delays risk intervening developments that can greatly complicate any effort at getting back together.
Everywhere you turn people, especially those who care for you, are offering you advice on how to handle your break up. Although the advice was from your friend, most of it you’re getting is nonsense. It may be well-intended, but the attitudes of your friends and family members bear very little similarity to the ideas and recommendations of a true relationship expert. Following bad advice can nearly crush an effort at making up. It is important to be wary of friendly guidance. Listen politely, but take your action cues from someone who has spent a considerable amount of time and research on getting an ex back.
You said that sometimes you can’t make up your mind. Well, let me tell you to please – get yourself together and make up your mind. Do you really want to get him back or not? Don’t get on the high wire without a net. If your plan is to get your boyfriend back, you need to enter the making up process with a clear plan in mind. If you’re going in blind, basing your actions on hunches and your opinions, you probably aren’t going to get very far.
Don’t worry. You can still get him back. Just keep from these common errors. You stand a good chance of getting your boyfriend back, just keep on trying. If, on the other hand, you stumble into one of these pitfalls again, your efforts to rebuild the relationship will be significantly compromised. Act now, act smart and cast your fears off. Having those fundamentals in place may take you from breaking up to making up in quick order.
Getting your ex boyfriend back can be surprisingly easy if you’re armed with the right information and knowledge before making a move. A good plan that does make sense. If you have a problem with your keys, you look to a locksmith for help, right? If you’re car won’t run right, you call a mechanic. So it does make sense to call on advice of a relationship guru who can give you good advice about getting your ex boyfriend back.
The Makings of An Unhappy Rebound Relationship
December 18, 2008 | 1 Comment
“don’t know that is always so empowering to get your ex back – sometimes there’s a good reason why they’re your EX!” — healthy_you.
Got this comment a couple of days ago. Yes, she may be right, it’s not all about getting your boyfriend back, at all.
When you consider rebuilding your relationship with your ex, you’ve got to know the signals of a future, unhappy rebound relationship. You may hit the jackpot, that dream relationship everyone hopes to have is yours again. He remained to be a supportive, sensitive partner who understands where you’re coming from. He’s a good listener who lightens your moments of fear and despair, while joining you in a good and much needed laugh and giggles. Your ex boyfriend stood by you, no matter what happened in the past. This relationship is characterized by a reciprocal caring and a positive outlook. This is a very lucky situation indeed, a good start down the road to a long and happy rebound relationship.
Life is ambiguous, as some would say. Full of complex and difficult problem. In one way or another, trouble is guaranteed to find you, before you actually go looking for it. That’s why most people are searching for some degree of personal happiness. Many people luckily found their happiness in an ethical manner with their special someone.
However, some may enter into a relationship wearing the proverbial rose colored glasses. They are those desperate for another human being to understand them and stand by them in times of trouble. They might even attribute worthy characteristics to an unworthy ex boyfriend. It’s easy to fall prey to a relationship when you’re lonely, but sooner or later, that’s bound for trouble. This is a the making for an unhappy rebound relationship.
Being emotionally needy will put you up with just about anything that individual wants to throw your way, for the sake of a false sense of emotional security. There’s definitely something wrong with this picture. The product of emotional desperation and a negative approach to life is always unhappy relationships.
So, can you exactly determine if it’s good or bad to get your ex back? Unhappy rebound relationships tend to evolve over time. That sweetheart of yesterday may turn into tomorrow’s nightmare. So, what are the telltale signs?
In most cases, unhappy rebound relationships begin with unhappy people. Let us say you are the one who’s optimist, hoping to ‘fix’ the partner with a negative outlook. While your ex boyfriend is negative person, he may be intelligent or good looking, but his negative attitude will eventually permeate the entire relationship. Try to recall how your ex responded to adversity.
Everyone becomes annoyed or discouraged every now and then. So, you shouldn’t base your conclusion on occasional ‘waking up at the wrong side of the bed’ days. However, when every adversity is met with negativity, whining and other self-pitying techniques, this is when you should seriously reevaluate rebuilding the relationship.
If this person is perfect for you in every other way, try reforming the behavior before you just move on to happier pastures. This should be frank talk. Talk about how negativity seems to color the relationship. You can try to manage example situations as they crop up. Counter the negative with a positive alternative.
No one deserves to suffer an unhappy relationship, particularly when there are plenty of people with a positive focus trying to rebuild one. If your efforts result in madness, without any real communication happening, your best option is to realize that some people actually enjoy being unhappy. Life is too short to waste years being unhappy, so why rebuild?
What You See On Television Is Not The Right Approach To Get Your Ex Back
December 17, 2008 | 1 Comment
This post is for Cherry, Amanda, Diane and Tami. The four ladies share the same story. They all have been trying to get their exes back using the ‘television or movie approach’ – an approach that the woman goes through a series of straightforward steps designed to get him back. Now, let me tell you why that approach is definitely not applicable in reality.
Probably, the ‘getting a new hairstyle… putting on more makeup… smiling more’ approach, is the most popular approach that you can see on television or in movies. You may also call it as the ‘sporting a new look’ approach. Does she look a little thinner or like she might be in better shape? That’s all part of the story. She’s been making her gym times regularly in hopes of becoming the woman he really wants.
Yes, most of the time, that’s the way they do it. We can also be rational about it. Like we are just pampering ourselves or so. But deep inside you, you know what really motivates you to do such things – silly. We also throw in a few ridiculous schemes. Maybe a jealousy trap of some sort. You get the idea girls, right?
‘Art imitates reality’ as some would say. That might be the case here, too. Those who wrote the story for the movie or an episode that you’ve recently watched are, after all, real people too. And yes, we see it all the time in real life. Shortly after a break up, the woman appears. She’s eating less, working out more, wearing shorter skirts and sporting new highlights in her hair. She’s putting herself together for maximum attractiveness, hoping that her efforts will persuade her ex boyfriend to take a second chance on their relationship.
However, there is one distinction between the television/movie approach and real life. On the tube, those superficial little plans actually pay off. The woman gets her boyfriend back and they live happily ever after. In reality , it rarely looks that way. That superficial little plans actually pay off too in the real world, but the ending is not exactly living happily ever after. More often that not, another break up follows immediately after a week or two. Worst case scenario is when the guy recognizes the desperation and sees right through the efforts. He was your boyfriend, definitely he knows that you’re trying to get him back and he isn’t playing along.
Guys are often repulsed by the very scent of desperation! If you are trying to get hi back with cheap tricks, you might want to reconsider. You can only keep up an act so long, and making wholesale changes in hopes of winning back your boyfriend won’t last long enough to be effective.
If you want to successfully get your boyfriend back… for good, it’s time to give up on those silly solutions that make better movies than real-life plans. You need to go after him honestly, seriously, authentically and definitely with dignity. If you do that, you stand a very good chance of getting him back in your life. Stop relying on cheap tricks. Cheap tricks will bring nothing but getting you odds be stacked tall against you. In the real world, you need to have a complete, genuine person. That’s what really increases your chances of getting back together with your ex.
Take Charge Then Get Your Boyfriend Back
December 16, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Dear Candice,
After 3 years I broke up with my boyfriend because I thought that he was holding me back from a lot of things. I love him dearly and now I really want him back into my life. What can I do to get him back? – Kris
Dear Kris,
What you can do is to take a stand to preserve your relationship. You don’t really have to force yourself to accept an undesirable breakup. The decision to get an ex boyfriend back can be a step toward taking control of one’s life. And if you want to surely control your life — take charge!
Some people run their own lives, others let life happen to them. That’s true on a variety of levels, but we often see it when it comes to relationships and, particularly, to break ups. Many women experience break ups and just live with the outcome — even when they really want the relationship would continue.
I’ve been through a lot of breakups too. I used to accept and instill on my mind that breakup happens. Until I decided to take charge. I’ve realized that many break ups don’t really need to be permanent. In fact, you could persuasively argue that almost all break ups are optional. Relationships experience difficult times for a variety of reasons but in most cases a little concentrated effort can overcome the obstacle that led to the relationship being sidetracked.
Yes, breakup happens all the time. There are, in fact, countless happy couples out there who have gone through break ups. However, they reunited and emerged stronger, with a more fulfilled partnership. Almost all strong relationships undergo tough times at some point.
So, you are currently going through an unwanted break up and your in doubt entertaining the notion of getting your ex boyfriend back. Well, the fact that you are thinking about getting him back might lead you to verge of a personal breakthrough. It’s definitely empowering to confront your lousy reality and then transform it into a wonderful future.
More often than not, what separates those amazing success stories from the numerous failed relationships that probably deserved a second chance, was not a matter of luck. Rebuilding a relationship takes one person who’s willing to wake up and make a decision to make things work.
Take charge – rebound relationships don’t happen on their own. A man decided to visit his ex girlfriend. A woman decided to call an ex boyfriend. Someone decided not to throw it all away. Someone decided that the partnership was special and that it was worth stepping forward and making a move to rebuild it. There is always someone involved, someone who has the the ability and means to meet situations effectively, thus taking meaningful action.
If you don’t want the break up and you are sure that the two of you should continue seeing one another, you have the opportunity to stand up and fix things. You can be the person who takes action for your relationship. You can take action to get your ex boyfriend back. You can take control and rebuild your special relationship.
Contrast that with the alternative. The relationship drifts away and you never get a chance to make it work. You decide to let life happen to you instead of taking charge. Now, I’ll leave this all up to you. Which option sounds more fulfilling? More empowering?
Candice Garcia’s and Curtis Daniel’s Blog
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