Surviving After a Break Up

January 26, 2009 | Leave a Comment

Dear Candice,

I know it’s over. But how come it is hard to face that fact? Shall I get him back or not? I understand that you’ve been through all these, but what and how exactly? How did you get your ex back? – Chona

Dear Chona,

In a relationship one of the hardest things to deal with is breaking up. It is as hard as breaking a crystal because you’ll never know when you will be able to pick up the pieces again. Crazy this thing called LOVE… it feels good when it obeys and it cunningly hurts when it breaks.

However, no matter how hurting you are, you will need to find a way to survive that break up. I’ve been in the situation too, and fighting against the anguish caused by the break up was never so easy. Until I’ve learned that there’s a perfect way to forget bad memories, think no more of my painful experience and finally get rid of pain.

In breaking up, sorrows come not as a single spy, but in battalion. It seems that everywhere we go, everything we do, and every blink of our eyes always reminds of our exes. Funny how the whole world becomes depopulated when only one person has gone, right? It is really hard for me to remove reminders of our relationship. But, I’ve come to realize that keeping bad memories can do nothing but shatter a peaceful moment of my life.

It is hard to accept a break up, because at the beginning and in the end of a relationship we are embarrassed to find ourselves alone. At some point, I couldn’t tell my friends that I no longer have my boyfriend. It’s really hard to accept that the once perfect dawn has turned already into dusk. Fortunately, I stumbled on a page that has changed my life full throttle. The page that says: “Breaking up is not necessarily forever… break ups are optional” And that is a fact. In an instant I was able to understand why it is hard for me to let go of the pain. I was able to see the light.

Time heals all wounds, as most people would say. I used to believe that only time can heal a broken heart. There was a time that every night when I face the mirror, I need to affirm to my self: “It will pass.. it will pass… it will pass….” But who am I kidding? The more I wait the more pain and bad memories I accumulate. It was not healthy. So I’ve cleared my mind, decided and put forth efforts to get my boyfriend back.

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Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice, Breakup, Moving On, Relationship 

When Is It Too Late To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

January 13, 2009 | 7 Comments

Dear Candice,

Broke up with my ex five months ago. I haven’t heard from him since then. But now I feel like I’m missing a part of me, which my ex could only fill. I want to get back together with him but I think it’s too late to link up now. Is there a time after which you just shouldn’t try to get back together with an ex boyfriend? If so, how long is too long? – Maja (Phoenix, AZ)

Dear Maja,

The primary answer to those questions are “no” and “never”. There’s a caveat to that kind of open-ended thinking though, and yes… in every rule there are exceptions. Generally, however, you can get back together with an ex boyfriend even if a great deal of time has passed.

What’s the caveat? Yes, it’s possible to get your ex back even after a lengthy period of separation or break up. However, it will be harder to accomplish the task if a great deal of time has passed. Meaning, you can still get him back if you waited, but it will be a lot harder than if you had taken immediate action.

What are the exceptions? If the case is that you have waited too long, you might have to surrender your dream of rebuilding the relationship.

Here’s a sample scenario. You’ve waited so long that your ex has already started dating someone else. If you wait until this time or until he’s actually had time to meet and fall in love a rebound girl, it’s not a very good idea to try to get him back. As much as you want to be fair with your feelings, it isn’t just fair to him. It’s not fair to the other woman in his life neither. Oh, and of course, it rarely works. At the same time, there is a substantial risk of making his life more difficult. That is definitely not a way to treat someone you supposedly love. You have waited too long if injecting yourself back into his life would somehow harm him or anyone else.

You want to get your boyfriend back and you probably don’t have any interest in being “the other woman”, anyway. If you ex is in the company of another, the idea of putting forth a truly Herculean effort to get him back probably isn’t that exciting. This is exactly why I advocate prompt action.

What is then the basic rule of thumb? That it’s never too late to get your boyfriend back if you’re willing to put forth enough effort and if he hasn’t already met (or, heaven forbid) married someone else.

Along those line, the best strategy you can take is to commit yourself to take action as quickly as you possibly can. As time passes, it becomes harder and harder to get your man back. You can still do it in most cases, but that’s no excuse for letting any more sand work its way down the hourglass.

What you need to do now is to get a good plan and get busy putting forth an effort to get your ex back. It’s almost never too late, but it’s a lot easier when it’s early.

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Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice, Breakup, Relationship 

Things You Need To Do Before Getting Your Ex Back

January 9, 2009 | 1 Comment

Dear Candice,

I can not get over my ex boyfriend of 3 1/2 years. He has put me through so much heart ache but I still love him more than anything in this entire world. I do not want to live without him but it seems that he just does not care, it’s as if all the time we put into us, was a waste. I want to get my boyfriend back, what can I do? – Tanja

Dear Tanja,

There are, in fact, a few things you really need to do before you even think about your first move toward getting your boyfriend back. It is about commitment and determination. Unless you have these bases covered, your efforts simply won’t pay off. Let’s look at the two initial keys to getting your boyfriend back.

The very first thing you need to do is to totally and seriously commit yourself to taking action. Sound incredibly simple and obvious? Perhaps, but it’s really quite important. Lack of action is the number one reason many relationships never get the second chances they deserve.

Emotional paralysis as some would call it. People are so addled over a break up that they don’t even feel like they have it in them to actually do anything. They wish their boyfriend would come back, but they just never get past the wishing stage.

That situation is understandable, though. A break up can be very emotionally draining. Guilt, anger, inadequacy, rejection, betrayal or even depression. If not all, one or two of these are the feelings you might be dealing at this very moment. Under those circumstances, it can be very hard to gather the energy you need to actually take action.

Still, we all know that daydreaming won’t get you back together with your ex. You have no choice but to get him back if you really want to get him back. You must find the power to commit yourself. You need to brace yourself to being proactive, again, if you really want to rebuild the relationship. Inoperativeness guarantees failure.

Next thing you need to do is to embark on a course of action that has good chances of getting your ex back. That means that you shouldn’t operate purely on instinct or “by the seat of your pants”. You need to seek out a quality catalog or blueprint that will spell out exactly what you need to do in order to get your ex boyfriend back.

You see Tanja, you might be a great person, but just like me you aren’t an expert on human relationships. Most of your friends and loved ones lack expertise, too. Instead of relying on questionable advice, It surely make sense to check out real recommendations from people who know the love game from core to crust.

Commitment and Determination to take action. Those are the two keys to getting a boyfriend back—tasks you must accomplish if you want to have a rebound relationship. A combination of a will to take serious action and a solid strategy based on a comprehensive understanding of what makes men tick and relationships work, you’ll be in the perfect position to get your ex boyfriend back.

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Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice, Breakup, Relationship 

The Kind Of Woman Who Can Get An Ex Boyfriend Back Is Someone Like You

January 5, 2009 | 2 Comments

Dear Candice,

Me and my boyfriend broke up. The day after, my friend and her boyfriend broke up. We both want to get our exes back, but we both don’t know how and where to turn to then. The next thing I knew was that my friend and her ex were an item again. I’m clueless. What kind of woman can do that? What type of person has that kind of influence and power? What does it really take to get an ex boyfriend back? — Frida (San Carlos, CA)

Dear Frida,

Some women think that only a supermodel with flawless skin, shiny hair, drop-dead gorgeous looks and a wardrobe to die for, can get her ex back. She’s probably wealthy, or powerful, or… hold it now! Do you really think that only this kind of woman can snap her finger and have any man running back to her side? Can be, but not for long.

Sure, our hypothetical character might be able to make up after a break up. However, more after than not, an immediate break up follows right after the make up. If you want to see the kind of woman who can get her ex boyfriend back, you just need to find the nearest mirror.

Your friend took action. Your friend probably have found and used a good approach to get an ex back. You can get your boyfriend back too Frida. In fact, anyone can get her boyfriend back. Long legs, large breasts, bedroom eyes, wealth, success… these are relatively meaningless. Getting your ex back is a matter of planning and effort. Nothing more, nothing less. That’s all it takes to have a rebound relationship.

In the aftermath of a break up, we sometimes denigrate ourselves a bit. Wondering if we’re pretty enough, good enough or smart enough to get our boyfriend back. We find ourselves wrapped in doubt.

During these trying times, we end up putting ourselves in a rough spot. If you want to get your ex back you simply must find a way out. You won’t rebuild your relationship by waiting, mourning and wondering about your value as a person. Questioning your self-esteem won’t make you more interesting to him. Hoping for the best is a recipe for disaster.

Frida, you are the kind of woman who can get your ex boyfriend back. Your friend can be an inspiration, definitely she is. What you need to do now is to set your mind to the task and put forth a well-planned effort. If you do, you can get your man again.

As for that mystery woman with everything going her way, who knows if she has it in her to get her ex back. Does she have what it takes? The commitment? The plan? Without it, she’s just a gorgeous, powerful, wealthy woman who may be wishing she could get her man back.

When I was in pursuit of my ex, I’ve casted doubts aside. I chose and started to get busy with the project of rebuilding my relationship way back then, seriously. If you’re spending more time worrying and wondering rather than being proactive, it’s time to shift gears. Let me tell you one more time — you can get your man back. Love can find a way, it just needs you to help it out a little bit… be its map.

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Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice, Breakup, Relationship