Which of These 5 Challenging Behaviors Does Your Guy Exhibit?
March 27, 2009 | Leave a Comment
Conflict is something most people want to avoid, however others just can’t seem to let things go. In fact, some individuals are not happy until they’ve made a mountain out of a molehill. We can see challenging behavior patterns at work, at the grocery store, or at a friend’s house, and they can be a problem. What we all want is to go about our business in a peaceful, non-threatening way. But, how come there are people who thrive on challenging others, for reasons unknown? Let’s take a look at the five most common cases women are often complaining and what you can do to deflect such behaviors, with a positive outcome.
Dear Candice,
My boyfriend is very arrogant and over confident. I do find confidence attractive though, but he’s too much. I’ve told him that his bragging puts me off a bit, but he still keeps bragging. How can i get this thing over? — Annabelle
Arrogance is the behavior of choice for insecure people. Such people must demonstrate their superiority in order to maintain a sense of adequacy. Next time your boyfriend brags about anything, you might want to brag to brag back. Though, this challenging behavior requires both firmness and finesse. Just keep on correcting him and be firm on what you stand for. It’s also best to try to spot a time when he is being nice, immediately give him props for that.
Dear Candice,
I recently got back together with my boyfriend, and noticed something is different. He became selfish, setting new rules to our relationship, which I think all in favor of him. He can go out with his friends alone (without me), but I cannot. How can I fix this? — Allyson
Selfishness is the earmark of the narcissistic personality. Selfish people are only interested in their own satisfaction. If your guy is being selfish, you must reprimand him during that very instance, not after a day or two. You must make him aware the he possesses this challenging behavior, and this act of trying to control you will not do any good to your relationship.
Dear Candice,
My boyfriend is getting more aggressive and violent, what can I do? – Gabrielli
Aggressive and hostile behavior is rampant in the world today. This is one of the most challenging behavior patterns. Unfounded accusations, hostile acts and aggressive violent acts can be most dangerous. If your boyfriend is more aggressive or badder than ever, you must set some time off, but make your exit as gracefully as possible. Here, discretion is indeed the better part of valor.
Dear Candice,
My boyfriend has been kind of grouchy and being manipulative, he’s just been shutting me down lately. I tried to draw him out to find out what exactly it is he’s pissed at me about, but he got really angry and started twisting my words around. It seems that I can’t say anything tight, there are a lot of accusations. He’ll take it even simple things out of context and blow it up into something huge. What can I do? – Tameka
Manipulative personalities present a special kind of challenge. These people lead you down the primrose path. What starts off as a seemingly innocent discussion turns into an ‘I told you so’ conversation. This challenging behavior pattern is a no-win. If you once recognize the manipulative personality, your best bet is to get out of the way and move on. Don’t let your boyfriend play this behavior on you, at your expense.
My boyfriend did something that was somewhat inconsiderate. He’s really being a control freak lately. What can I do? — Selena
Being a control freak is a sure sign of an insecure individual who, in order to gain a modicum of personal security, must exercise control over others. Such a person usually uses personal relationships, under cover of friendship or romantic involvement. I want to be straightforward, there is not a remedy for this type of relationship. The solution? Get out.
In the course of our everyday interactions with people, we are sure to meet people with such challenging behavior patterns. Often, we are caught unaware, even if we’ve been with the person for a period of time. Unless you’re quick on your feet, you may find an adequate response beyond your capabilities. Life is too short to waste time trying to rectify all of the world’s ills. Stay positive and just dust your feet off as necessary.
How Can You Teach Your Kids About Couple Relationships
March 24, 2009 | Leave a Comment
Dear Candice,
I’ve been a single mom for six years now. I have two beautiful daughters. My eldest is turning 18 and the youngest is 16. And they are both starting to ask questions about relationships. Sometimes I don’t feel comfortable responding… I feel that I’m not the right person to be asked and give advice, because even my own relationship with their dad didn’t work out, and they have witnessed all the hardships that I’ve been through. I’m now in a new relationship and he wants me and my kids to move in with him. But I’m indecisive still, I don’t want my kids to see this as if it’s just a normal thing to be separated then live with another man after a few years. I don’t want them to see anymore misunderstandings and anymore failures in my relationship. Given the situation, how can I teach them about couple relationships? — Sofia Meininger (San Francisco, CA)
Dear Sofia,
How you act as a couple is going to be unique from any other couple relationships. No two people are the same, so no two relationships are ever going to be the same. Many single parents, like you, have to really think about bringing someone new into the home or in your case moving in with your new partner. It is going to have the same impact. Children are going to learn what they should and should not expect and put up with in couple relationships based on how you and your significant other treat each other. The pressure is really in you, good thing is… there are some basic things you can do.
Children are going to learn all about what couple relationships are based on their parents, more often than not, parents failed to realize this fact. You have to stop and think about what you are showing your children and what they are learning from it. If you think you’ve made a mistake before, that does not mean you are a bad parent. You just did not realize how much they really pick up and learn from you. They are going to have what you have in a relationship, so be picky. Your kids move through childhood to adulthood, while watching you, just like how they’ve learned how to walk, talk, and relate.
Don’t be a victim of your past, no matter how hard we try, we are bound to make mistakes.. and that’s what continuous learning is all about. Let’s say children have no place in couple relationships, in a way that should not be aware of adult problems that are too complex for them to handle. For example, if your spouse has cheated, or done something else that threatens the union, this can not be played out in front of them. Children are more aware of everything in couple relationships problems than you may think. And how they would handle relationship problems in the future will be based on how you did handle them. What you decide as alright is what they are going to think as alright. Better to keep them away from issues and details you know they cannot handle yet.
There is always going to be disagreements and fighting in couple relationships. It is impossible for two people to be with each other for any length of time and agree on everything. What you have to think about is how you fight things out. If you shout and throw things, your children are going to think that is how you are supposed to act when you disagree, and if they grow up and meet someone like that for their relationships, they are going to accept that as that is how things are supposed to be. Take your fighting where your children can not hear it, and learn to negotiate to eliminate at least most of that shouting.
Every parent wants to be a model for their children and to be a source of hope about relationship. If your relationship is having problems now, and you are afraid that your kids are going to experience the same, a good way to deal with these is to handle and solve the problems in a logical and a peaceful manner if at all possible. Don’t worry if you think that you have already done some damage in teaching your children about couple relationships. There is always time to turn that around by changing the way that you do things. If they have questions, answer them honestly and confidently.
Marriage Counseling… From “On The Rocks” To “On Fire”
March 18, 2009 | Leave a Comment
Dear Candice,
My marriage is on the rocks. Me and my husband have been seeking help from friends who have experienced the same and nothing seems to be helping at all. One advice we got is to go to marriage counseling, but we both don’t like the fact of rehashing the past in front of a person we barely know. All I wanted is a great marriage, but the situation now is far from being great. Please help. — Loraine
Dear Loraine,
You deserve a great marriage. And a great marriage doesn’t mean pure happiness, sometimes it needs to be tested. When it comes to relationships, many individuals and couples overlook the devotion that goes along with tying the knot. Many do not expect hardships to come along, that’s why when problems occur, many failed to recover.
Of course we all know that getting married is certainly not like having a casual significant other in your life. I bet you know already that marriage equals honesty, openness, devotion, respect, and tolerance. When you’ve made the decision to spend the rest of your days with your husband, I know that you know, that he is the right individual.
Although you’re the only one who can know who’s ideal for you, seeking advice from your friends does make sense. But the thing is your marriage is different from theirs. Good news is that there are services that can assist you with your relationship when tough times arise. I’m referring to quality marriage counseling. In this day and age you don’t have to necessarily venture off to a shrink’s office or to someone you barely know in order to receive proper and effective guidance. We now have the Internet.
Believe it or not, but you and your spouse can attain real marriage counseling via the web. Websites like marriagemax.com, marriagerescue.com, and marriageadvice.com all have something wonderful to offer couples who’re struggling with marital issues. Now, to answer your question, most likely, and to keep you from wondering how in the world an online marriage counseling service would work or even benefit your relationship in any way. Here’s what it is in a nutshell.
Online marriage counseling basically goes like this; you can acquire professional marriage counseling through doctors found online. Many offer excellent marital advice free of charge. However, a major method taken advantage of by couples all over the world is a simple discussion group. This is what websites such as marriageadvice.com offer. Numerous married couples dive into this nifty forum environment and vent their issues. In return married couples can offer other couples sound advice. Strategies and solutions that seriously helped their relationship. This is how so many couples and individuals enjoy obtaining assistance now days. It’s often easier, more convenient, and less expensive than seeing a licensed psychiatrist. Plus, you don’t have to put your face out there for the world to see. You have the ability to remain unknown.
Try to consider online marriage counseling if your relationship is experiencing some rough patches. This new-age route works so well for oodles of couples around the globe. Chances are Internet marriage counseling will benefit your relationship as well. Check it out today! What have you really got to lose? Your marriage is worth the extra effort. Turn your marriage from being “on the rocks” to “on fire.” Don’t let it go without a fight!
Relationship Therapy Can Bring Your Relationship Right Back Around
March 17, 2009 | 1 Comment
Dear Candice,
Me and my boyfriend have been together for five years, and things were really tough lately. We used to talk about all our misunderstandings, but now he doesn’t seem to care fixing one at all. Will it be better to end the relationship now? — Sara Stephens
Dear Sara,
When things are tough, it is not always the best idea to give up and move on. Many relationships are worth saving if you only wish to do it. You surely can take something that seems hopeless and turn it into something more amazing. That’s how amazing relationship therapy can do to your relationship right now. Yes, relationships of all types are hard. That is something that you already know. And each type can be equally trying whether you are talking about romantic or family relationships.
For family relationships, you can see a counselor that is going to work on relationship therapy with each member of the family, and then the family as a whole. This does not have to be limited to the members of your family that live in your home. If you have always had a great relationship with your Aunt Sue, but suddenly you can not get over something that happened, relationship therapy can work very well if you really care about saving that relationship. It’s easier to have someone from the outside help resolve issues.
One of the more common reasons why families go into relationship therapy is because they are having problems with teenagers. The teen years are hard to get through, and everyone knows that. At times, parents need help when their teenagers are having an especially hard time relating with not just them, but with everyone that they have in their lives. There is also relationship therapy that can work as a preventative measure so that things never quite get out of hand. That allows families to work things out more quickly because they already know what to do when problems start.
The reason why I’m telling you how relationship therapy can resolve family issues, is to give you a better idea on how it could work on your romantic relationship. You weren’t the only person who thought of giving up when the situation gets tough or that “mind-blowing novelty factor” you and your partner used to have during your first few years in the relationship, is starting to disappear.
Romantic relationships are probably the trickiest of all. It doesn’t matter if a couple is married or about to be married, they can always count on relationship therapy when they are having problems. Many give up too soon on what was otherwise a very stable and love filled relationship when things get tough. The problems they are facing are often easier to overcome than they think. When in pain, people simply want to retreat. What they may not realize is that relationship therapy can bring that relationship right back around and they will be thankful that they stuck it out.
Let your relationship undergo therapy, this is a serious consideration you must take before ending it. You do want to go out knowing that you gave it everything you had before you decided that it is something that is simply over. If you don’t, you could go through the next few years, or even throughout the rest of your life, wondering if you made the right choice. If you give it all you have, and go through relationship therapy, you will know without a doubt that you have made the right choice if you do choose to end that relationship.
Questions To Ask Your Boyfriend, What’s Enough and What’s Too Much?
March 16, 2009 | 1 Comment
Dear Candice,
I’ve been seeing this guy for a couple of months now. I know not much about him, though we are getting along very well. I want to get to know him better. I want to know more about his friends, work, family, especially past relationships. But I’m kinda afraid of how would he react if I ask TMI about him. What are the right questions to ask? — Arlene Trent
Dear Arlene,
Knowing the right questions to ask your boyfriend and the correct things to tell him can really help you make and keep the peace in the relationship. There are some guys who may tell you TMI [too much information] about them, however, there are questions that may not be appropriate to ask. For two reasons: comfort and timing. Yes, even the most honest guys won’t tell their girlfriends all about them if they are not comfortable enough and if the timing is not right.
What’s Enough? Just ask what you need to know, but don’t throw the questions all at one time. Of course, the questions to ask a guy vary somewhat from guy to guy. Nonetheless, there are some questions that are universal. What you need to know about your partner are his needs and interests, his baggage and issues, and his long term plan.
Ask him what he is looking for in a relationship, what his previous relationships have been like, what tends to work for him and what doesn’t. Ask him about his family and his friends. Keep track of what themes come up over and over again. What parts of his life are working well, and what parts tend to get him in trouble. These questions to ask your boyfriend can really help you to understand what kind of guy you are dating and if you want to get in to a long term thing with him.
What’s too much? It can be too much if timing is not right. There are some things you can ask about early on even if you are casually dating, but you have to be careful. There are many questions to ask your boyfriend that can be damaging if asked too early. Avoid asking questions about commitment. There is a good chance that he is still feeling out the relationship and is not in a position to make a decision one way or another.
Even if you are not asking him to commit to you, these kinds of questions can still make him a bit wary of the relationship. Questions related to commitment need to be asked at the right time, failure to do so may derail a good thing before it starts really working. You don’t want your relationship be a “close but no cigar” case, right?
Still, in general if there is a question to ask your boyfriend that really intrigues you, you should not be afraid to ask. If you are, it is a sign that things are not working out as they should. You should always feel at ease with speaking your mind, no matter what the situation is. After all, you will definitely never know about something… until you ask. If you do not feel right around someone, you should probably not be dating him in the first place.
Candice Garcia’s and Curtis Daniel’s Blog
Categories
Recent Posts
Recent Comments
- melissa on Relationship Problems – Signs Your Partner is Losing Interest
- Sadeyes on Manifestations That You’re In A Toxic Relationship You Didn’t Know – Until Now
- Gen McClain on Control Issues In Toxic Relationships
- kush on Communication Problems in Relationships That Can Be Fixed
- wandile fumene on Getting Boyfriend Back After a Breakup After Facebook Fail