There Was No Big Secret To Understanding Women

April 27, 2009 | Leave a Comment

Dear Candice,

I’ve been reading your blog and I think that you’re the best person to ask since you talk about women mostly. I’m nice, outgoing, down to earth, Always told that I am hilarious. I make plans for nice days. Go hiking, camping, to the beach, whatever I can think of. I try to hang out with everyone, especially women, and I try to make sure that we all are having a good time. But still, why am I having such a hard time finding a girlfriend? Maybe because I’m having a hard time understanding women too? I don’t understand why they always decorate their workspace with so many candles and they never even burn them, things like that. — Tyrone

Dear Tyrone,

Men do mingle, party and chat with women in hopes to understand and learn more about them. Socializing can be a good way for sure, but understanding women is simply not just a matter of mingling with them effectively. A very strange thing to say but true that many men, even the smart ones, do have trouble understanding women. Because men often think that women do have different communications styles. Some also think that women came from another planet.

I am often asked by male friends why it can sometimes be embarrassingly awkward talking to ladies they find attractive. They would also ask what women want, how to get them to like someone. Questions they really need to be answered in order to understand women. I sometimes couldn’t answer easily. It was like their problems understanding women were so deep that they needed someone to explain it bullets by bullets.

One of my male friends got one of those “how to get the women you want” self-help books. He reads it page by page, and tries to apply every bit of advice he can find. He would always go out in hopes to meet single ladies in bars, and try to get as much phone numbers as he possibly can. He didn’t get any luck and it was a bit odd for him at first. But when he was getting up the task, ladies get to relate to him and its always effortless for him understanding women.

However, that friend of mine couldn’t get to a romantic relationship still. Sure, he was able to attract women, but not for long. It didn’t last even for a month.

So he came back to me asking questions again. At this time, I told him just a couple of things. First, there was no big secret to understanding women. Second, women want to be treated as individuals, just like men. From then on he was no longer a slimy guy I used to know. They way he interacts with ladies changed. I’m pretty sure there was some breakthrough there, those two things are the things I knew he wanted and needed to hear at some point. Hope you get to have the same breakthrough after reading this.

Share This Post

Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice, Problems in Relationship 

Does It Make Sense To Seek Advice From Relationship Experts?

April 14, 2009 | Leave a Comment

Dear Candice,

I have a friend who is a therapist that specializes in relationships. She handles family and even work relationships, but the majority of her clients are there usually to seek for romantic relationship advice. I’ve known her for four years, and seen her jump into one relationship to another. And every relationship was pretty much a mess, continuously making mistakes that should be obvious to her. Which made me wonder… how does relationship experts or therapist really work and why they are valuable? Does it really make sense to seek advice from relationship experts? — Laurie Luce

Dear Laurie Luce,

Let me start by telling you the five basic principles for a relationship expert or therapist. First, to provide a confidential dialogue between those involved, which can normalize feelings. Second, to provide a mirror of expertise to reflect the relationship’s hardships, and the potential and direction for change. Third, to enable both parties to listen to themselves and hear each other out. Fourth, to deliver relevant and appropriate details about the relationship’s situation. Lastly, to empower the relationship and make vital decisions.

Your friend is just one of the many, and I’ve seen and discussed with a lot of great relationship experts and it’s safe to say that they have touched my life and continuously touching other people’s lives.

Relationship experts are not going to tell you how to run your relationship. Their duty and function is to listen, respect, understand and provide better functioning between those involved. Truth is, they don’t have all the answers, and they cannot exactly tell you what to do in your own marriage or partnership. They are not all seeing and all knowing. What they do is get couples to open up to each other, and to really communicate with each other. At times, it takes someone else to bring out the problems that even the couple is not aware of before they go into therapy, a relationship expert can be that someone. They then give couples the tools to talk to each other and ways to work out their problems on their own.

That explained why your friend was having problems in her own relationship. She doesn’t have the answers, and no other relationship experts do. They just know how to get others to work things out. Sometimes, it’s difficult for you to view objectively, especially when it comes to your own problems. You tend to save yourself first, rather than saving the relationship. Your friend is valuable to so many for what she can do for them, but this is one thing that she cannot do for herself because she is just too deeply involved, and the relationship is entirely too personal.

Does it make sense to seek advice from relationship experts? Yes, definitely! If you think you need help with your own marriage, you should consider finding some relationship experts to help you out. Keep in mind, they are not going to fix your problems, but rather, show you what your problems are and then they will give you the tools you need to fix them on your own.

What is important is to find the right relationship expert that is best for you and your spouse, it may take a while though, , but you should not feel bad about that. This does not mean your relationship is completely doomed, this just means you haven’t found the therapist that is a good match for you. As soon as you found one, get involved and allow the experts help you.

Share This Post

Posted by Candice | Filed Under Relationship 

How Do Men Characterize Beautiful Women? Truth Revealed!

April 6, 2009 | Leave a Comment

Dear Candice,

I’ve been in the modeling industry for four years. Having the opportunity to work as a model has also allowed to meet a lot of people. I’ve dated some cool dudes but haven’t really had any serious relationship. It seems that honest, sincere, and loyal man, in this industry, is hard to come by. Modesty aside, I got good looks. If good looks is so important for men, how they don’t take me seriously? How do men characterize beautiful women? – Margery

Dear Margery,

What makes you beautiful is actually more than your appearance, size and shape. Your personality is your true source of beauty. As Sir Francis Bacon would say: “The best part of beauty is that which no picture can express.”

Most men look for something more than meets the eye. They often call it, the “inner beauty”, a personality that can touch human soul with laughter, intelligence, mannerisms and confidence. However, it’s also true that humans are basically visual creatures and prefer those who are aesthetically pleasing to the eye. That’s why sometimes, it takes time before someone can actually see the inner beauty in you.

I’m sure you’ve already heard about a new type of reality TV show, airing now. The topic? Beautiful women. There’s a twist though. Evidently, the participants are given to understand that the bottom line is who is physically superior. The previews, promoting the show, have snippets of interviews with these beautiful women, stating their own views of their relative beauty on a scale of 1 to 10. The real agenda of the show is to determine which of these beautiful women has true beauty which is more than skin deep.

Here’s a comment from one of the contenders: “Just look at me. Yes, I look in the mirror constantly and I like what I see. Wouldn’t you agree?” In the majority, the women appear to be highly narcissistic and shallow to boot, stating that they are surely a 20, on the 1-10 scale.

So, what really makes beautiful women beautiful to the ordinary man? Bleached hair and overdone makeup doesn’t seem to impress a regular guy as constituting the woman of his dreams. He’s looking for other qualities that are more than skin deep. As far as the visual appeal, men really want a girl with a bit more refinement. The celebrity look only goes so far and doesn’t last long. Men tend to associate the overdone celebrity with a personality that doesn’t stand the test of time.

Sure, men enjoy a woman’s physical appearance as much as the next guy. However, nothing matters but personality, when they’re looking for a serious relationship. Men do appreciate women of a generous, joyful and gentle spirit. In the eyes of most men, beautiful women are possessed of all of these qualities, a.k.a “inner beauty”. Men are perhaps more astute in their assessment of beautiful women than women might think!

We can only wait to see how these reality show contestants fare. What’s pretty difficult to figure is how they’ve been duped into thinking it’s all about looks. Are they truly so conceited, or is it all a hype? Either way, it would be fun to root for a truly beautiful woman, who didn’t rate herself a ‘20′ on a scale of 1-10.

When it comes to real life… beauty is really in the eyes of the beholder. Different people have different ideas about what is aesthetically pleasing to the eye. So, let me end this one with another quote by Sophia Loren: “Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical.” This implies that feeling good about yourself is the connection between beauty and self-image. The more comfortable you are in your own skin, the more beautiful you are and you can actually be.

Share This Post

Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice 

Get The Right Balance Between Your Natural Beauty And Makeup Products

April 1, 2009 | Leave a Comment

Dear Candice,

My mom won’t let me wear anything but cover up and lip gloss. I didn’t bother at first, but now all of my friends are wearing it. I just want a little mascara and eyeshadow though, and maybe eyeliner too. By the way, I’m 13 years old and in junior high. Why am I being restricted? — Sharron

Dear Sharron,

That’s exactly how it was for me when I was 13. Only cover up and lip gloss. I exactly know how you feel but coming from experience, if you start wearing too much at this age people might get the wrong idea. You wonder why you’ve got to be restricted. In the first place, it’s unlikely, if your Mom is restricting you to lipstick, that other Moms are giving the green light and your friends are buying and applying this makeup on the sly. It’s funny that it’s only when you’re older, you realize Mom was right. You’ll be the same party pooper when you have a daughter of your own.

Most Moms allow a light lipstick or gloss to be worn to school when you’re 13 or 14 years old. The simple truth is, it’s age appropriate. Young girls, with their beautiful complexions and radiant skin, have natural beauty and makeup is only trying to gild the lily. Heavier makeup, such as mascara, eye shadows and liners actually serve only to hide your natural beauty. You still have the face of a child in many ways and heavy applications of makeup cover up your real assets.

For one thing, the bones of your face are not fully developed at your young age. As you approach adulthood, your face tends to lengthen. This is when balancing beauty and makeup enters a new phase. Take a look next time you’re at the mall. You’ll notice that, as women get older, some tend to use more makeup. Why? Makeup can cover up a number of flaws, such as aging skin, wrinkles and enlarged pores. With the fading of natural beauty, makeup is used to hide imperfections. As you get older, the relationship of beauty and makeup tends to reverse! Exit natural youthful beauty, enter more and heavier makeup.

As you walk through the mall doing your survey, try to be polite and not stare! You’ll see what I’m saying is true. Women who wear too much makeup tend to look harsh and lack a certain amount of femininity.

No matter what your age, the right balance of natural beauty and makeup may be summed up like this: the less makeup you can get away with using, the better! Using heavy mascara regularly can be tough on your eyelashes and may actually cause them to thin by the time you’re in your twenties. Using eyeshadow and eye liners requires that they be removed each day, which stretches this delicate skin. Do you really want saggy, wrinkled skin around the eyes before you’re thirty? Foundations and face makeup causes your skin to age prematurely.

Another myth about beauty and makeup is that girls imagine that boys will find them more attractive, or that makeup makes them look older. The truth is, boys are suspicious of girls who wear heavy makeup – they wonder what they’re hiding, both on their face and in their personalities! Wearing tons of makeup may make you look older, but not in a flattering way.

Beauty and makeup can coexist nicely. Mascara and eye shadow, lightly applied, with lipstick, are fine for special occasions. Hang onto your natural beauty as long as you can. You really don’t want to be that older, over made up woman at the mall some day, do you? Didn’t think so.

Share This Post

Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice