Love is a Choice… an Ongoing and a Conscious Choice You Make Everyday

June 29, 2009 | 2 Comments

Love is a choice you make every day of your life. In fact, what you think you feel is actually something you choose to feel. You make a choice to feel a certain way or not. That’s how you choose to control your emotions. This is true in most areas of life. In choosing to feel love, you need to choose sensibly because falling in love is not something you choose not to feel after a relationship went downhill. Love is a choice, an ongoing and a conscious choice, you make each and every day of your life.

Love is a choice. And you can never confuse “love” with the feeling of being “in love.” This is one of the most important lesson you can ever get in the midst of being and staying in love. I’m sure you, just like me, those who have experienced to be loved and lost a love, can all attest to that. Here’s an excerpt from the novel “Midwinter Turns to Spring,” on the subject of love being a choice:

“Love is not just a feeling. It’s a choice, a commitment, a way of behaving toward another. Love is not simply an event that happens to you. Rather, love is something you choose to do. The state of being in love is simply a prelude to love. But most people make the mistake of thinking they’re one and the same thing. We are all given circumstances by which we can exercise the choice to love. That’s the thunderbolt that God supplies. It’s that instant attraction to another person, those warm, fuzzy feelings, that fever akin to drunkenness or madness that causes you to know that you’re in love. But it’s what you choose to do after that thunderbolt has passed that matters. You choose whether you’re going to continue loving the other person after the drunkenness has dissipated, after the frills of romance have fallen away. You choose whether you’re going to continue to seek the best interests of the other person, and care about him or her through any and all circumstances — and for how long. Love is a conscious choice.”

Love is a choice. When you wake up in the morning and think about the one you love, you say to yourself “I choose to love this person today and every day of my life,” regardless of his imperfections. In a relationship that isn’t working, you choose to put an end to it. After that, given an ample time to recover, you also choose to get involved with someone who’s like-minded. At the beginning of a potential great relationship you make a choice to spend time to that person to have a glimpse of what can develop. You celebrate the fact that once again, you get to love a person and get to be loved the same way in return.

Many people believe that love is something that simply occurs and happens unexpectedly. But as the relationship grows, the definition of love also grows. Love is both a noun and a verb. The noun part is the feeling you have when you think about the person first thing in the morning, ’till the end of the day. The verb part is the actions you take for feeling that way. Your love for someone should be action oriented and consistent, in order for love to stay after many years together.

Many people allows romantic love, or feelings, to become the basis for relationship and happiness. But this kind of foundation is more likely to be unsturdy because you or your partner will later on seek new emotional highs as time goes by. A relationship based on just feelings and emotions are fickle, more so the circumstances that give rise to them. Love is a choice, it isn’t born but made.

I have once lost my love and during those tough times of my relationship, I have managed to make a choice. I’ve made a choice to get him back and stay with him. The choice that I still rejoice until now. Love is true when you get to choose one person above all, and you get to celebrate that choice for as long as you live. That’s the personal adage I and my partner live by everyday.

There will always be times you feel you love your partner less today than yesterday. There will be times you could feel loved, and other times you don’t. You may also meet someone you think more ideal than the other. When these happen, would you still love him? Love is a choice. Isn’t it more empowering way to love and be loved?

Love is a choice. It’s either you let that love happen or move on without even letting a feeling of love to occur. When making a choice, sometimes you feel you just have to grab it because after all you deserve it. Other times you feel you need to put another’s needs before your own. Love is a choice… a choice to take action.

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Posted by Candice | Filed Under Relationship 

Issues of Jealousy and Trust — “Half of me loves You, and Half of me wants to get out…”

June 8, 2009 | Leave a Comment

Dear Candice,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 months. Recently, I was really upset, but also not quite ready to end things. I’m jealous over his girl friend and I ended up saying the exact line, “Half of me loves you, and half of me wants to get out. I’m just confused, but I don’t want to get hurt anymore.” Then I hang up on him and haven’t heard from him for almost a week now. Think I got him confused too that he needs some time off, so I decided not to get in touch with him for a while. I feel bad too that I’m having mixed feelings about him. Is it over for us? If you were in the situation, what would you do? — Rochel

Dear Rochel,

It’s inevitable in any relationship, the issue of jealousy and trust, that is. Perhaps you feel that it has come too soon, for you’ve only been dating for two months. But strong feelings bring all your emotional nerve endings to the surface, which makes suspicions that much more intense.

In all relationship, jealousy happens. It’s human nature to get jealous in order to protect what belongs to us. In fact, every person in a relationship have had experienced jealousy, at one point or another. It’s the number one reason why couples argue or break up. But if you want to, you can overcome jealousy and can keep your relationship even more healthy.

Is it over for you? From the way I see it, I think the relationship can be saved. However it will require you to do two things first. Look back and commit.

Look back into your expectations about trust and having a relationship. People have different expectations about trust. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always just turn out that “you only fall in love with people who share your views on trust.” You and your boyfriend might have different expectations about trust. It doesn’t make either one of you right or wrong. It simply makes you different from one another. If you think you can’t handle each others expectations, better call it quits. Same advice if you both expect nothing from each other at all, your relationship will just be miserable in the end.

Commit to yourself that you will be fair and will ignore little stuff. These are the things you must do to overcome your issues of jealousy and trust. You must be fair. Try to put yourself in his shoes. I’m pretty sure you’ll be irritated if he gets jealous and get mad at you for spending time with a guy friend. You must ignore and don’t have to get jealous over every little thing. Have the confidence about yourself and your relationship.

Love alone is a work, more so if you want to share it with another person. You both have to make efforts to have a great relationship that you want. One effort to make is to resolve the issues of jealousy and trust, if you don’t you can just go on and off, but that would be so tiresome. Still, here’s a piece of advice, let go when you’re hurting too much, give up when love isn’t enough and move on… when things aren’t like before.

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Posted by Candice | Filed Under Problems in Relationship, Relationship