How To Bounce Back From A Break Up

November 23, 2009 | 2 Comments

Dear Candice,

My boyfriend for eight years broke up with me six months ago because I said some things to him that weren’t too nice. I realize I was mean and have apologized sincerely but he said I went to far, he can no longer take me and is insistent that its over. So here I am, after six months, still feeling completely terrible for what I’ve done and that I lost someone I so love, who has been part of my life for a long time, over some harsh words. How can I get over this feeling? How can I bounce back from a breakup… to feel happy and whole again? I also tried to see some other guys, but just didn’t work out. Any suggestions on how to cope and feel better? Or even any good ideas on how to make up with him to fix the situation? — Sophia

Dear Sophia,

Thank you for your letter, I know a lot of people who can relate to your situation, and that includes me. I know how it feels like to be in a long-term relationship then in a snap be single again… it’s like a total reboot. And it’s never easy to get back up, bounce back from a break up, and start over again.

Going out with someone to cover up the absence of your ex? I have had fair share of that. And yes, none of it worked. It’s because we feel rather “naked” when it comes to dating men. Often, there are too much problems and drama whenever two people break up and there’s a lot of issues that’s hard to deal with, making it hard for us to invest our feelings once again.

One thing I’ve learned from this is to never loose hope that everything will get better with time. Time heals all wounds, and it’s best to wait for that time, when you’re totally healed and recovered, before getting into a new relationship. Putting yourself together can be really hard. It may take more than six months or years to feel like “you are yourself again” and ready to date men once again.

After a break up, take some time to clear your thoughts and mend your heart. How? First, and the most effective, is to clear your room with all items that may remind you of him. Then spend time with your family and and friends. Do the things that you missed doing with them, have fun! If at the end of the day, you feel like you want to cry, then let yourself cry. I assure you, there will come a day that you won’t feel like crying anymore.

Another thing that you can do to bounce back up after a breakup is to find new hobbies. Go out in the sun and get busy! Discover places or learn new sports or volunteer for charitable cause. This will give you so much time to turn over a new leaf and become a much better person.

You see, there are so many things that you can do to move on after a break up. You don’t really have to rush back into a new relationship. Perhaps there’s no need for a new relationship. Sure, there are ways to have that magic of making up with your boyfriend. But first, you need to be yourself again.

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]
Share This Post

Posted by Candice | Filed Under Moving On 

Ending Toxic Relationships

November 3, 2009 | 2 Comments

Dear Candice,

I’ve been in a casual relationship for almost a year now, the relationship has been off and on. I’m aware he sees other people as do I. He is mature, divorced, and has 3 kids. We’ve developed a pattern in which we are cool for a few months and then have a huge fight, say mean things and stop talking for awhile and then it just picks right back up. Everything seemed to be going okay these last few months, but then something happened. He stopped calling me, not heard from him at all for 2 weeks. And then I got this message telling me he was sorry cos he’s out of reach and he’s spending a month vacation with a girl he met a few weeks ago… and he needs a break!!! Seriously??? A break from what? He already did!!! We don’t even have a friendship. I wouldn’t treat my friends like that. I really want to get over this, it’s just gone toxic, any advice? – Marie Gomez

Dear Marie,

Getting over a relationship can be very difficult and heartbreaking. Often times, when it comes to ending toxic relationships, half of your heart is telling you to stay away from your ex, while the other half wants to keep a close watch on his whereabouts. Definitely, you know what choice is good for you. Toxic relationships aren’t just bad, in other cases, they can be damaging as well.

Also, getting revenge may come to your mind or set up your own blog where you can rant and rave about your toxic relationship and how you feel about your boyfriend. Perhaps it’s a good way to let go of bad emotions and get some advice from those who would ever read your blog. But it’s, most of the time, just a waste of time and energy. Allowing people to show your out of control? Not a good idea. So what should you do to end a toxic relationship?

Get those tears out. Crying alone in your room could help, but you can surely do better than that. Get those tears out in a movie! Ask a friend or two to watch a movie with you and when the mushy part sets in, cry it all out. Your friends probably wouldn’t care if you cry even by just seeing two polar bears snuggling up, it is a mushy moment after all.

Never call him. Keep in mind that, this relationship was toxic. As much as you may yearn to hear his voice, think of the phone as a transmitter for those poisonous relationship toxins to seep back into your system. The longer you can go without dialing him up or seeing him face-to-face, the stronger you will grow.

Have a list of the good and the bad. Making a list helps you put the true nature of your relationship with your boyfriend into a more realistic standpoint. When you can actually point out all those bad and crazy things he did to you, you’ll realize that it’s far more reasonable to end your relationship and move on with your life without him. Score for the other half of your heart that tells you to stay away from your ex.

Have an outlet for your pent-up energy. If you are feeling stressed because of your relationship, it’s best to draw your attention to something that you love doing. Learn photography or anything you can enjoy that requires your creative mind working. Channel your emotions into activities, which can be meaningful to you. If you do so, you are not just helping your mind wander about something else, but it helps you see and understand your feelings more through what you create as well.

Talk it out. Have your good friends, sisters or any family member who care about what you feel. They are those people who are most willing to lend an ear and hear you, even your rants and raves, or just babbling about what the relationship used to be like.

Sadly, breakups will happen in one way or another, and whether we like it or not… but they are optional. Many of us may have to go through a number of breakups to be able to learn how to handle a romantic relationship. It’s not bad to feel sad and it’s definitely okay to dwell on your emotions. Just don’t beat yourself up much. If you are in a toxic relationship, sort things out if you can, if not, deal with it and move on.

Share This Post

Posted by Candice | Filed Under Moving On