An Important Question To Ask Before Getting Your Ex Back: Do You Know How He Thinks?

Dear Candice,

My boyfriend broke up with me 3 months back. He said he wants to be single again and that he needs a break from me. I am completely broken to pieces, I loved him so much and I still do. I really want him back but I don’t know if he feels the same way. I don’t know what to tell him. Please help.  -  Vanessa (Sacramento, CA)

Dear Vanessa,

I cannot blame you if you think you lack the ability to effectively communicate with your ex boyfriend. We, as products or our environment, have been exposed to a consistent misrepresentation about the way men think and it’s normal for us to believe it rightaway. But this is one of the biggest reasons that women are having a hard tome convincing men to give relationships a second chance. If you really want to get your guy back after a break up, you better develop a keen understanding of what he’s thinking.

For you to develop that correct understanding, you must cast out some of the wrong perspectives about men that are so prevalent. However, breaking away from those inaccurate perspectives is absolutely critical if you want your guy back in to your life. Now, let me ask you the question: Do you know how your ex boyfriend thinks? Based on your letter, I think you do not. Let me tell you some of the reasons why why you feel and think that way.

There is a perspective that men and women are so radically different that communicating them is something related to deciphering a code. You’ve probably heard about how men are allegedly came from Mars while women came from Venus. That’s a perfect example of what I’m talking about. In reality, we’re all from the same place and we have more in common than this perspective implies.

Having that perspective, we plan and construct our communications to appeal to the opposite sex, instead of really communicating honestly. Seeing men as “the other” has a lot of negative consequences. That’s not only insulting to men, it also decreases our ability to get accross what we really mean and feel.

Speaking of insulting, there is another school of thought about men’s thinking that is really absurd. There are those who would like to claim that the only thing guys are interested in is sex. Some are generous enough to add sports and beer to the mix, but you get the idea. This oversimplified version of “male thinking” has very little to do with reality. If that’s your baseline concept of men, you need to think again if you want to effectively get your ex back.

I don’t mean that men and women see the world through identical prisms. It is true that men do have certain tendencies, as do women. It surely pays to know what some of those tendencies are, so that you can get your boyfriend back the right way and as soon as you possibly can. Once you know how to approach your ex as a fellow human being, you’ll have a real head start toward getting your ex boyfriend back.

Knowing how men thinks can help you in rebuilding your relationship. Let me ask you again, do you know how he thinks? If you’re not sure or if you’re now convinced that your understanding might be muddled by some incorrect assumptions, it’s time to learn more about the relatively slight differences between male and female perspectives.