How To Forget An Ex
June 25, 2010 | Leave a Comment
Dear Candice,
How do I take my ex off my thoughts? It’s been three years? How to forget an ex? She was my first and only. It sickens me to think of her but it still happens. And everywhere from real life to social networking, I’m always worried about how I appear to her… So yeah, how do I get this toxic clog out of my arteries? Thanks – Will
Dear Will,
Forgetting a past relationship can be difficult, it’s not really a matter of time.. but how you spend your time after your relationship went downhill. It seems that there’s nothing you can do, but to forget her. It’s definitely not as easy as it sounds, but surely there are ways to forget an ex and start over again in no time.
Have closure. It is important to definitively cut any desires of getting back together. And if you cannot get that into your head, your ex owes you the courtesy of it even clearer than the crystal. You need to realize you do not have feelings for each other anymore and will never reconcile.
Get bad emotions out on paper. Write a letter pouring out your bad feelings, then mentally remove them from yourself. Bin the letter or better, burn it. You must never send the letter to her. It may just cause you more harm than good.
Exercise your new-found freedom. Freedom is always invigorating. There is a lot of things that you can partake in that you weren’t able to enjoy since your girlfriend didn’t approve. So comfort yourself. Travel. Go camping. Play video games with your friends. Do things that you weren’t able to do because you are considering her presence. It could be ideal to find an activity that will let you put out your anger and relieves stress.
Hang out with your friends. Let your buddies provide you with a reality check on how your ex wasn’t everything to begin with, and that there are plenty of fish in the sea. Just a little male companionship can definitely go a long way in order to get your head straight.
Forgetting an ex is a mental and emotional challenge. However, the tried and true guidelines above should have your heart mended soon enough.
Keep It Cool While You Are In The Process Of Getting Your Ex Back
February 25, 2009 | 1 Comment
Getting your ex back is certainly not as easy as 1-2-3. As per my experience, you must have these three things to successfully get your boyfriend back: determination, willingness to act and a good approach. I did not get him back in a short period of time. In fact, while I was in the process of getting him back there were idle moments. Moments in between the point of actual breakup and the point of finally getting back together.
While you are in the process of getting your ex back, you may see your ex somewhat indifferent. Although you have this feeling that the situation is passive, it is important to play it simple and keep it cool. Keeping the situation cool will definitely not ruin your chance… in fact, more often than not, it increases your chances to get your ex back.
No break up is pleasant, so is waiting for your ex to return your call after asking him to give your relationship another chance. However, the manner on how you deal with the situation will have significant impact on your attitude and outlook on relationships, romantic or not. Of course, you can always cry your eyes out during those times, but a far better option is to vow to yourself to be a cool ex whenever you see him again. Here are some “post-breakup while getting your ex back” scenarios and how to keep it cool.
Your ex with another girl. A common friend has invited you both to a party. It’s been two months since he broke it off with you and a week after your email asking him for a possibility of getting back together. Suddenly you saw him with a lady you don’t recognize. To keep it cool, do not play games and try to make him jealous. Instead, hold your head high, walk over to them, introduce yourself and wish them well.
Mom is in touch with your ex still. When you two were together, you enjoyed a close relationship with your family. However, when you broke up, your mom is still in touch your ex, talking to him over the phone and having him around during special occasions. This scenario is actually an advantage for you, but if you act on it in an uncool way, you can ruin your chance to get your ex back. If you are hurting because your ex won’t return your call but he often speaks with your mom, talk to your mom and tell her what you feel. She might be able to help you convince your ex for a rebound relationship.
You are chilling at the park with Bruce, the dog your ex bought for you. Then suddenly, you see your ex walking toward you. To keep it cool, be polite and make a small talk. Limit your talk about Bruce, and how your ex has been doing. Do not try to ignite unnecessary conflict by trying to change agreement over pet custody.
You definitely do not have control on how your ex would deal with a “post-breakup while getting your ex back” scenario, but you can try to deal with it with your integrity in tact. It’s not an enjoyable situation but it is such a learning experience or an opportunity for you to grow, if you’ll think this way you’ll absolutely feel better. Be graceful when handling the process of getting your ex back.
Why Consider Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
February 23, 2009 | 2 Comments
Dear Candice,
My boyfriend for almost a year recently ended our relationship. I tried to save the relationship, but he keeps on telling me that he has to sort things out first. Shall I still consider getting him back? — Veronica
Dear Veronica,
Your relationship came to a screeching halt. You had a nice thing going on but your relationship finally came to a painful and frustrating situation – break up. Sure, you’ll find the situation sort of ugly. The more you want to save the relationship the harder it gets to keep. You’ve been trying to hold a wagon to stay one piece but the wheels keep falling of it. It can be the very rocky times of your life now that it’s over and you can’t believe that you spent all that time and emotion only to lose it in the end.
So, why do you want your ex boyfriend back? Wouldn’t it be easier to just consider this chapter of your life closed and to move on to some proverbial greener pasture? What could conceivably motivate you after all of the agony and hurt to even make getting your ex boyfriend back as an option??
You might say: Yikes! Some of you would say: No way! When we put it in those terms, the thought of getting your ex back doesn’t sound that attractive, does it? Good thing there’s a bigger perspective on your relationship that can conjure up positive images that easily overshadow any potential problems you may be experiencing related to the break up. A different approach to look at things. , More often than not, this alternative perspective gives you all the reason why you should consider getting your ex boyfriend back.
Now, let me tell you some of the positive alternative perspectives:
Love is just too valuable to ignore. You owe it to yourself to go after your ex if you think the love of your life is walking away. We like to pose as though old-school romanticism is something of a thing from the past, however, we know that real love does exist and that it’s very special. You simply can’t just missed out on a great chance of love. If your heart is yelling at you, it won’t be fair to ignore it for. It does make sense to get your ex back if it can drown out the tears and screams of anguish.
Creating even more meaningful relationship is possible. If you feel like the break up was a bad idea and that there’s a lot of potential left in the idea of the two of you being together, it’s possible to look past the ugliness of a break up. Focus on the potential advantages of getting him back in your life instead.
Optimism is better than dwelling. If there’s something special in your relationship, in one way or another, it will maneuver its own way to get into you no matter how hard you try to ignore it. Keep in mind that things don’t get better if no one took the time to deal with it. If you feel that things can get better and that you can make the relationship work, that optimism can be much more interesting than dwelling on the past and its less beautiful moments.
You get to make a choice. Would you rather deal with regret and suffering or would you prefer to get your ex boyfriend back? That decision is yours to make. A classic “the glass is half empty/half full” situation, indeed. There’s a lot of pain to go around these days, but there is even more potential for something meaningful to happen.
Surviving After a Break Up
January 26, 2009 | Leave a Comment
Dear Candice,
I know it’s over. But how come it is hard to face that fact? Shall I get him back or not? I understand that you’ve been through all these, but what and how exactly? How did you get your ex back? – Chona
Dear Chona,
In a relationship one of the hardest things to deal with is breaking up. It is as hard as breaking a crystal because you’ll never know when you will be able to pick up the pieces again. Crazy this thing called LOVE… it feels good when it obeys and it cunningly hurts when it breaks.
However, no matter how hurting you are, you will need to find a way to survive that break up. I’ve been in the situation too, and fighting against the anguish caused by the break up was never so easy. Until I’ve learned that there’s a perfect way to forget bad memories, think no more of my painful experience and finally get rid of pain.
In breaking up, sorrows come not as a single spy, but in battalion. It seems that everywhere we go, everything we do, and every blink of our eyes always reminds of our exes. Funny how the whole world becomes depopulated when only one person has gone, right? It is really hard for me to remove reminders of our relationship. But, I’ve come to realize that keeping bad memories can do nothing but shatter a peaceful moment of my life.
It is hard to accept a break up, because at the beginning and in the end of a relationship we are embarrassed to find ourselves alone. At some point, I couldn’t tell my friends that I no longer have my boyfriend. It’s really hard to accept that the once perfect dawn has turned already into dusk. Fortunately, I stumbled on a page that has changed my life full throttle. The page that says: “Breaking up is not necessarily forever… break ups are optional” And that is a fact. In an instant I was able to understand why it is hard for me to let go of the pain. I was able to see the light.
Time heals all wounds, as most people would say. I used to believe that only time can heal a broken heart. There was a time that every night when I face the mirror, I need to affirm to my self: “It will pass.. it will pass… it will pass….” But who am I kidding? The more I wait the more pain and bad memories I accumulate. It was not healthy. So I’ve cleared my mind, decided and put forth efforts to get my boyfriend back.
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When Is It Too Late To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
January 13, 2009 | 7 Comments
Dear Candice,
Broke up with my ex five months ago. I haven’t heard from him since then. But now I feel like I’m missing a part of me, which my ex could only fill. I want to get back together with him but I think it’s too late to link up now. Is there a time after which you just shouldn’t try to get back together with an ex boyfriend? If so, how long is too long? – Maja (Phoenix, AZ)
Dear Maja,
The primary answer to those questions are “no” and “never”. There’s a caveat to that kind of open-ended thinking though, and yes… in every rule there are exceptions. Generally, however, you can get back together with an ex boyfriend even if a great deal of time has passed.
What’s the caveat? Yes, it’s possible to get your ex back even after a lengthy period of separation or break up. However, it will be harder to accomplish the task if a great deal of time has passed. Meaning, you can still get him back if you waited, but it will be a lot harder than if you had taken immediate action.
What are the exceptions? If the case is that you have waited too long, you might have to surrender your dream of rebuilding the relationship.
Here’s a sample scenario. You’ve waited so long that your ex has already started dating someone else. If you wait until this time or until he’s actually had time to meet and fall in love a rebound girl, it’s not a very good idea to try to get him back. As much as you want to be fair with your feelings, it isn’t just fair to him. It’s not fair to the other woman in his life neither. Oh, and of course, it rarely works. At the same time, there is a substantial risk of making his life more difficult. That is definitely not a way to treat someone you supposedly love. You have waited too long if injecting yourself back into his life would somehow harm him or anyone else.
You want to get your boyfriend back and you probably don’t have any interest in being “the other woman”, anyway. If you ex is in the company of another, the idea of putting forth a truly Herculean effort to get him back probably isn’t that exciting. This is exactly why I advocate prompt action.
What is then the basic rule of thumb? That it’s never too late to get your boyfriend back if you’re willing to put forth enough effort and if he hasn’t already met (or, heaven forbid) married someone else.
Along those line, the best strategy you can take is to commit yourself to take action as quickly as you possibly can. As time passes, it becomes harder and harder to get your man back. You can still do it in most cases, but that’s no excuse for letting any more sand work its way down the hourglass.
What you need to do now is to get a good plan and get busy putting forth an effort to get your ex back. It’s almost never too late, but it’s a lot easier when it’s early.
Candice Garcia’s and Curtis Daniel’s Blog
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