How Can You Teach Your Kids About Couple Relationships

March 24, 2009 | Leave a Comment

Dear Candice,

I’ve been a single mom for six years now. I have two beautiful daughters. My eldest is turning 18 and the youngest is 16. And they are both starting to ask questions about relationships. Sometimes I don’t feel comfortable responding… I feel that I’m not the right person to be asked and give advice, because even my own relationship with their dad didn’t work out, and they have witnessed all the hardships that I’ve been through. I’m now in a new relationship and he wants me and my kids to move in with him. But I’m indecisive still, I don’t want my kids to see this as if it’s just a normal thing to be separated then live with another man after a few years. I don’t want them to see anymore misunderstandings and anymore failures in my relationship. Given the situation, how can I teach them about couple relationships? — Sofia Meininger (San Francisco, CA)

Dear Sofia,

How you act as a couple is going to be unique from any other couple relationships. No two people are the same, so no two relationships are ever going to be the same. Many single parents, like you, have to really think about bringing someone new into the home or in your case moving in with your new partner. It is going to have the same impact. Children are going to learn what they should and should not expect and put up with in couple relationships based on how you and your significant other treat each other. The pressure is really in you, good thing is… there are some basic things you can do.

Children are going to learn all about what couple relationships are based on their parents, more often than not, parents failed to realize this fact. You have to stop and think about what you are showing your children and what they are learning from it. If you think you’ve made a mistake before, that does not mean you are a bad parent. You just did not realize how much they really pick up and learn from you. They are going to have what you have in a relationship, so be picky. Your kids move through childhood to adulthood, while watching you, just like how they’ve learned how to walk, talk, and relate.

Don’t be a victim of your past, no matter how hard we try, we are bound to make mistakes.. and that’s what continuous learning is all about. Let’s say children have no place in couple relationships, in a way that should not be aware of adult problems that are too complex for them to handle. For example, if your spouse has cheated, or done something else that threatens the union, this can not be played out in front of them. Children are more aware of everything in couple relationships problems than you may think. And how they would handle relationship problems in the future will be based on how you did handle them. What you decide as alright is what they are going to think as alright. Better to keep them away from issues and details you know they cannot handle yet.

There is always going to be disagreements and fighting in couple relationships. It is impossible for two people to be with each other for any length of time and agree on everything. What you have to think about is how you fight things out. If you shout and throw things, your children are going to think that is how you are supposed to act when you disagree, and if they grow up and meet someone like that for their relationships, they are going to accept that as that is how things are supposed to be. Take your fighting where your children can not hear it, and learn to negotiate to eliminate at least most of that shouting.

Every parent wants to be a model for their children and to be a source of hope about relationship. If your relationship is having problems now, and you are afraid that your kids are going to experience the same, a good way to deal with these is to handle and solve the problems in a logical and a peaceful manner if at all possible. Don’t worry if you think that you have already done some damage in teaching your children about couple relationships. There is always time to turn that around by changing the way that you do things. If they have questions, answer them honestly and confidently.

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Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice, Marriage, Relationship 

Marriage Counseling… From “On The Rocks” To “On Fire”

March 18, 2009 | Leave a Comment

Dear Candice,

My marriage is on the rocks. Me and my husband have been seeking help from friends who have experienced the same and nothing seems to be helping at all. One advice we got is to go to marriage counseling, but we both don’t like the fact of rehashing the past in front of a person we barely know. All I wanted is a great marriage, but the situation now is far from being great. Please help. — Loraine

Dear Loraine,

You deserve a great marriage. And a great marriage doesn’t mean pure happiness, sometimes it needs to be tested. When it comes to relationships, many individuals and couples overlook the devotion that goes along with tying the knot. Many do not expect hardships to come along, that’s why when problems occur, many failed to recover.

Of course we all know that getting married is certainly not like having a casual significant other in your life. I bet you know already that marriage equals honesty, openness, devotion, respect, and tolerance. When you’ve made the decision to spend the rest of your days with your husband, I know that you know, that he is the right individual.

Although you’re the only one who can know who’s ideal for you, seeking advice from your friends does make sense. But the thing is your marriage is different from theirs. Good news is that there are services that can assist you with your relationship when tough times arise. I’m referring to quality marriage counseling. In this day and age you don’t have to necessarily venture off to a shrink’s office or to someone you barely know in order to receive proper and effective guidance. We now have the Internet.

Believe it or not, but you and your spouse can attain real marriage counseling via the web. Websites like marriagemax.com, marriagerescue.com, and marriageadvice.com all have something wonderful to offer couples who’re struggling with marital issues. Now, to answer your question, most likely, and to keep you from wondering how in the world an online marriage counseling service would work or even benefit your relationship in any way. Here’s what it is in a nutshell.

Online marriage counseling basically goes like this; you can acquire professional marriage counseling through doctors found online. Many offer excellent marital advice free of charge. However, a major method taken advantage of by couples all over the world is a simple discussion group. This is what websites such as marriageadvice.com offer. Numerous married couples dive into this nifty forum environment and vent their issues. In return married couples can offer other couples sound advice. Strategies and solutions that seriously helped their relationship. This is how so many couples and individuals enjoy obtaining assistance now days. It’s often easier, more convenient, and less expensive than seeing a licensed psychiatrist. Plus, you don’t have to put your face out there for the world to see. You have the ability to remain unknown.

Try to consider online marriage counseling if your relationship is experiencing some rough patches. This new-age route works so well for oodles of couples around the globe. Chances are Internet marriage counseling will benefit your relationship as well. Check it out today! What have you really got to lose? Your marriage is worth the extra effort. Turn your marriage from being “on the rocks” to “on fire.” Don’t let it go without a fight!

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Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice, Marriage