Comments on: Control Issues In Toxic Relationships

By: Gen McClain

Gen McClain — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 22:02:15 +0000

I have been with my husband for 8 years & I have a daughter with him along with 2 boys from a previous relationship. When I got with him I was very depressed & felt like I had a lot of baggage from my previous relationship. I realize I shouldn’t have started a new relationship but I did. When we began dating he was very emotionally abusive. He would do things like pay someone to babysit my boys so he could go out with his friends while I would be sick. He would start fights in front of his friends to make them hate me. They still hate me so he uses that as an excuse not to hang out with them anymore. 5 weeks after we got married he won a trip for 2 to the Florida Keys with a hotel right on the beach & he took his best friend instead of me while all his other colleagues took their wives. If I showed any feelings of being upset he would get angry & even angrier if his anger made me cry. The issue always ended with me as the bad person when he was the one that did something wrong. It got better after I had his daughter but it seems like it got a lot worse when my emotional attachment became nothing. He started throwing things & the accusations began. He began accusing me of having affairs & began spying on me. I kicked him out and I was fine until people started talking about how hard he was taking it. So I let him come back and it’s a lot better. He’s telling me a lot how beautiful I am & when we hang out with his friends he’s by my side trying to prove himself. But I just don’t trust him & I’m always waiting for the other ball to drop. And I can’t stand the fact that he’s so lazy. I know from my story, that I seem like the stupid one because I let him get away with things for a long time. But I’m confused & everyone thinks its such a simple thing to leave. But it’s not. I have a daughter with him. I just don’t feel like I have a good enough reason to leave now without feeling like the bad guy again because he has changed a lot. So any advise I can get would be really nice bc I’m so exhausted going back & forth on my decision & I know it’s got be the same for the kids if not harder.

By: Elizabeth Headgepath

Elizabeth Headgepath — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 02:33:44 +0000

Ive been in a relationship for 1year and a half yrs we were previously engaged and went our ways for 4years after previous relationships didnt work out we began dating again. He still continued to be very self centered and self obsorbed what ever activitlies we spent together of went out recreational it has always been of his choice and his interest never acknowledging my interest or needs or wants. expecting me to be exclusively involved and there for him with no effort or any sign of committment? Liz

By: Irma

Irma — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 06:38:41 +0000

I’ve been with the same man for almost two years. He asked me to marry him in May of 2009. I’d only been with him since January of that year. Since then, he has been jealous of my spending time with my sister, & my family. He grew up in an abusive household, & is not very close to his family. Everytime I want to spend time with my family, he gets jealous & says bad things about them.

He has helped me learn to budget my money, but whenever I eat out, he yells at me, telling me I am going to be broke. He has made me return things I bought, & will always ask me how much money I have in my bank account.

He is receiving SSI & doesn’t work. He hasn’t worked since 2004, as he was in prison for a few years. I just lost my job last week, & he has been riding me all the time, about how I have to get a job, because “If it wasn’t for him, I’d be broke, homeless, & on the streets”. I’m receiving Section 8 housing due to my being mentally disabled (Borderline Personality Disorder). He, too, is mentally disabled (he suffers from bipolar schizo-effective disorder).

I do love him, but I’m not sure if I should stay or go.

Any help would be awesome.

By: Marie Gomez

Marie Gomez — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 23:36:16 +0000

Dear Candice,

I’ve been in a casual relationship for almost a year now, the relationship has been off and on. I’m aware he sees other people as do I. He is mature, divorced, and has 3 kids.
We’ve developed a pattern in which we are cool for a few months and then have a huge fight, say mean things and stop talking for awhile and then it just picks right back up. Everything seemed to be going okay these last few months, but then something happened. He stopped calling me, not heard from him at all for 2 weeks. And then I got this message telling me he was sorry cos he’s out of reach and he’s spending a month vacation with a girl he met a few weeks ago… and he needs a break!!! Seriously??? A break from what? He already did!!! We don’t even have a friendship. I wouldn’t treat my friends like that. I really want to get over this, it’s just gone toxic, any advice? – Marie