Does It Make Sense To Seek Advice From Relationship Experts?

Dear Candice,

I have a friend who is a therapist that specializes in relationships. She handles family and even work relationships, but the majority of her clients are there usually to seek for romantic relationship advice. I’ve known her for four years, and seen her jump into one relationship to another. And every relationship was pretty much a mess, continuously making mistakes that should be obvious to her. Which made me wonder… how does relationship experts or therapist really work and why they are valuable? Does it really make sense to seek advice from relationship experts? — Laurie Luce

Dear Laurie Luce,

Let me start by telling you the five basic principles for a relationship expert or therapist. First, to provide a confidential dialogue between those involved, which can normalize feelings. Second, to provide a mirror of expertise to reflect the relationship’s hardships, and the potential and direction for change. Third, to enable both parties to listen to themselves and hear each other out. Fourth, to deliver relevant and appropriate details about the relationship’s situation. Lastly, to empower the relationship and make vital decisions.

Your friend is just one of the many, and I’ve seen and discussed with a lot of great relationship experts and it’s safe to say that they have touched my life and continuously touching other people’s lives.

Relationship experts are not going to tell you how to run your relationship. Their duty and function is to listen, respect, understand and provide better functioning between those involved. Truth is, they don’t have all the answers, and they cannot exactly tell you what to do in your own marriage or partnership. They are not all seeing and all knowing. What they do is get couples to open up to each other, and to really communicate with each other. At times, it takes someone else to bring out the problems that even the couple is not aware of before they go into therapy, a relationship expert can be that someone. They then give couples the tools to talk to each other and ways to work out their problems on their own.

That explained why your friend was having problems in her own relationship. She doesn’t have the answers, and no other relationship experts do. They just know how to get others to work things out. Sometimes, it’s difficult for you to view objectively, especially when it comes to your own problems. You tend to save yourself first, rather than saving the relationship. Your friend is valuable to so many for what she can do for them, but this is one thing that she cannot do for herself because she is just too deeply involved, and the relationship is entirely too personal.

Does it make sense to seek advice from relationship experts? Yes, definitely! If you think you need help with your own marriage, you should consider finding some relationship experts to help you out. Keep in mind, they are not going to fix your problems, but rather, show you what your problems are and then they will give you the tools you need to fix them on your own.

What is important is to find the right relationship expert that is best for you and your spouse, it may take a while though, , but you should not feel bad about that. This does not mean your relationship is completely doomed, this just means you haven’t found the therapist that is a good match for you. As soon as you found one, get involved and allow the experts help you.