Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back Can Be An Empowering Act

November 14, 2008 | By Candice | In Advice, Breakup, Relationship 

Dear Candice,

I started dating this guy three months ago. Our relationship went well over a couple of months. But all of a sudden, he seems to be not interested anymore. He’s not returning my calls. And now, he totally pulled away. I want to get him back but I don’t have all the guts of doing so. I’m not conservative but i guess not that too liberated as well. I don’t know what to do now. Need help.  -  Karla (San Francisco, CA)

Dear Karla,

It is true that trying to convince a man to rebuild a broken relationship or even the idea of a woman going after a man, might seem unusual with our more feminist instincts. It is something like a gal bending over backwards for a guy that rubs a lot of us the wrong way, there is really something about this notion. Chasing after your ex boyfriend might seem a little inconsistent with what you usually consider liberating or empowering behavior.

You are in doubt because you probably do not know yet your reasons for getting him back. If you’re afteryour ex because you’re afraid to be without a man or because you feel like you simply must have that security blanket of a boyfriend, the criticisms do hold some weight. In reality, though, getting your ex boyfriend back in your life can be an empowering act. It’s all a matter of motivation.

It is indeed an empowering act if your reason to get him back is that you believe that the two of you are good together. Getting your ex back can also be emporing if you want to get him back because you have decided that you don’t need to be fate’s doormat. Getting your ex back can be an impressive display or emotional strength and determination, worthy of respect and adoration.

There’s nothing positive or strong about being sad, moping, and accepting the loss of something that you could get back if you wanted to do so. If you really want to get your ex boyfriend back, there’s nothing more smart and liberating than taking action. Take action to solve the undesirable break up.

Women who take action to get their guys back share a few things in common. They have the guts to take a difficult situation along the way. They have the power of their convictions and demonstrate a willingness to take a stand for something that really matters to them. They challenge the conventional idea of the “weak girl”, thus demonstrating that their action-oriented approach is a powerful way of reaching their goals.

Those things sound empowering to me. If you think about it, it’s probably one of the more empowering things a woman can do. And you can do this too Karla, for your own happiness and for the man that is worth fighting for.

You see, it isn’t so much a matter of “chasing after a guy” or trying to do whatever it takes to appeal to a man. When you consider the context and the stakes, it seems silly to worry if you’re reinforcing some sort of societal perspective about the nature of relationships. What really matters is making yourself happy. That might just involve doing what it takes to get back together. Remember, this is about love and your future.

If you want your ex boyfriend back, go get him. Rebuilding the relationship is cetainly not that easy, but possible… undoubtedly by meaningful and empowering actions. If the only thing stopping you from going after your ex is some vague sense that you’d be selling yourself out or humiliating yourself by chasing a guy, you must think again. This could be the kind of bold move generally reserved for the strongest people.

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