Is My Boyfriend Losing Interest In Me?

December 28, 2011 | Leave a Comment

Dear Curtis,

I’ll leave out all the details but I feel like my boyfriend is losing interest in me a little bit and we’ve been arguing lately. How can I prevent this? We still exchange “I love you” and we see each other a lot, I just feel like he’s disappointed in how I am. Help??

I feel like this because he’s not as verbally affectionate and we’ve been arguing about things which I makes him feel annoyed at me. I’m annoyed with him at these times, as well, but being me… I’m always trying to accommodate and fix things. I feel like I put myself out there so much and he’s stubborn and it’s hard to come to an agreement at times. We basically have compromised by now but I still feel like I’m letting him down. ~ Tink

Dear Tink,

I’m not sure if this makes you feel any better, but what you and your boyfriend are currently going through is very common. Every relationship goes through phases, and you just happen to be in a “slump”, for lack of a better term. I know you feel like you both equally compromise to accommodate the other, maybe you do a little (or a lot) more of this than your guy, which is also quite typical in most relationships, but you might want to think about the reasons how you two fell into this slump, and try and figure out a way to get out of it.

Before you jump to the conclusion that your boyfriend is losing interest in you, consider that both of you have just been dating each other for a while and some of the initial excitement has worn off. This is bound to occur, and no one person is to blame for it. There are several things you can do alone and with the boyfriend to try and get that spark back!

Embark on an Adventure Together
1. A great way to remind each other how fun and attractive the other person really is, is to go out and experience new things. Planning new kinds of dates, taking a long weekend together, or if money is super tight, simply getting a neat recipe offline and cook yourselves a meal, together! Maybe make some group date nights with other couples, or plan a big excursion with all of your mutual friends! Spicing up your life does not necessarily mean trying something romantic or sexy, although that could definitely work. The point of this to remind each other that you are still a fun, interesting person, despite the fact that you now know each other’s secrets!

Warning!: This does not mean go out and experience new people individually, for example, neither of you should try to start dating other people. This not only puts a huge strain on your relationship, but achieves almost nothing constructive for you two as a couple.

Confront the Situation
2. If you are positive that something has dramatically changed your boyfriend’s affection level towards you, then you should openly confront him about that change. Confronting him does not mean being confrontational, on the contrary most men find that approach totally overwhelming and will therefore be uncooperative. Instead, when the two of you have a quiet minute alone, calmly ask him if anything is bothering him, specifically something you did. If he claims that you have nothing wrong, try and figure out what has happened that has affected him so much. If he later admits that you have hurt him in some way, you need to explain to him immediately that:

A. you’re sorry and did not mean to cause him pain and;
B. that passive aggressive behavior will not get him the results he wants.

Most men do not know how to communicate when something is wrong, and often punish their partner with silence or anger to express it. Obviously this does not help you discover the crux of the problem, and makes you feel helpless and frustrated. By getting him to discuss these things with you will hopefully alleviate some of the tension and avoid similar issues later on.

Note: From what you said in your letter, I do not think that your boyfriend is giving you the silent treatment, but I could be wrong. It really does seem most likely to me that the two of you have just grown too comfortable with each, and need to make a combined effort to interest each other again!

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Posted by Curtis Daniel | Filed Under Advice, Problems in Relationship, Relationship