Getting Your Boyfriend Back – How to Deal with Your “What If” Questions

November 25, 2008 | Leave a Comment

Dear Candice,

I broke up with my boyfriend a month ago. I was busy with my work then, but now that my mind is clear, I realized that I made a mistake of ending my relationship with him. I want him back. But what if he doesn’t want to? What if he’s seeing someone else? What if he hated me for breaking up with him? – Daphne (Alabama)

Dear Daphne,

What if he does this? What if I do that? What if I try this and it doesn’t work? What if I say that he responds with this? What it? What if? What if?

You want to get your ex boyfriend back, but you’re bothered by these questions as you consider the best way to rebuild your relationship. There are a lot of women out there, just like you, who worry about every move that might go into working things out and find themselves constantly second and even third-guessing all of them. It’s a never-ending cycle of hypothetical questions.

I’ve been in the situation too at one point in my life. I’ve entertained those silly questions in my head and found myself unable to move forward. I was once a victim too of what we call “paralysis by analysis”. It’s really an unproductive kind of concern that can ruin your chances to get your ex boyfriend back. I’m saying this based on my experience, the more you worry about everything that could happen, the more you’ll find yourself in a position where nothing is happening at all.

You’ll be absolutely unable to take the actions necessary to rebuild your relationship if you’re constantly poring over what might happen. It won’t be easy to not think about it, but it is essential. If you want to get your boyfriend back, you need to put all of those concerns aside.

There are some sort of secret that will allow you to move forward in a way that doesn’t involve constant second-guessing and reconsidering. The secret worked for me. Here’s how you can actually do it.

First, keep in mind that your goal is to get your boyfriend back and that over-analizing every possibility doesn’t help you to achieve that goal. Maintaining a goal-based focus and filtering your potential behavior through that prism can help keep you on track.

Second, no matter what you do and no matter how many different contingencies you consider, there are things that will happen that you could never conceivably plan for. You must understand that there is an inevitable component of unpredictability in human behavior. It makes the notion of thinking every possibility through seem almost ridiculous when you recognize that you can never be truly ready for everything.

Lastly, you should learn how to work with a smart plan designed to maximize your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back. This plan worked for me and for everyone else I know. If you know you are using a sound strategy that has produced results in the past, it will allow you to relax a little and will help lighten some of your “what if” fears.

To successfully get your ex boyfriend back, you need to move forward quickly and intelligently. Don’t allow yourself to get bogged down in a cycle of unproductive second-guessing. “What if” thinking doesn’t inspire necessary action, it only implies insecurity, and it stands in your way to get your ex back.

Share This Post

Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice, Breakup, Relationship