There Are Things You Don’t Need To Do When Getting Your Boyfriend Back

November 26, 2008 | 1 Comment

Dear Candice,

Just ended my relationship over a month ago, now I realized that he was the best thing that happened to me. And I definitely would do anything to get him back. I emailed him, asked him out for a dinner. He responded, but said that it’s not the time. Does sending him an email wrong? Please tell me what to do and what not to do. – Sincerely, Simone (NY)

Dear Simone,

In an effort to rebuild a relationship after a breakup, there are a lot of things you can do. Perhaps some of them are smart and produce results. However, more often than not, some don’t accomplish much of anything. They can actually cause damage and make the process of getting your ex back more difficult.

Let’s look at a few things you don’t need to do when you are in pursuit of your ex. These things are common behaviors that fail to assist in the rebuilding process and that you should be very happy to avoid. Women who fall into these mistakes almost always wish they hadn’t!

I know that in the face of a break up, the instinctive thing to do is to change yourself in a way that you think he’ll find appealing. You want get his attention that is why you want to be appealing, at least for him. But, seriously, you don’t need to change yourself. That instinct, however, is dead wrong.

Attempting to make superficial changes to yourself, won’t really make much of a difference to him. Your ex knows you well, so he can easily determine if you are making drastic moves to get him back. Changes in fashion and appearance are the kind of skin-deep moves that don’t really have an impact on him as you try to get back together. This move does nothing, but sends a message that you are desperate. And nothing is less attractive than looking needy or desperate.

Making major life changes does not only sends a message of desperation in the attempt of getting your ex boyfriend back. It also conveys to your ex that perhaps there is something very wrong with you. How great can you be if you’re constantly trying to re-invent yourself anyway?

You may be able to “fake it” for a while, but it will become obvious that your changes were an effort at gaming him in the long run. Sooner or later, your ex will find out that those are not a real reflection of who you are. Making those changes also usually fails to work because they aren’t consistent with who you really are. That certainly mitigates any potential strategic value of changing yourself.

To be honest is important to successfully rebuild your relationship. If you try to become something that you aren’t, you are being unkind both to yourself and to him. That kind of behavior constitutes an effort to rebuild your romance based on a foundation of dishonesty. There is no way that a relationship will flourish when it’s based on lies. There are some women who are lucky enough to get their exes back using those silly techniques, but another breakup followed after.

Trying to transform yourself into someone you are not is one of the things you don’t need to do to get your ex back. There are many tempting possibilities that just don’t pay off in the long run. But, there are also many positive things you can do to help you get your ex boyfriend back.

Don’t try to get him back with tricks… you can do better than that. You can get your boyfriend back legitimately without compromising your own integrity. Stay honest, decent and direct. That’s the best way to rebuild a relationship and get your ex back into your life.

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Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice, Breakup, Relationship