Communication Problems in Relationships That Can Be Fixed

March 13, 2009 | 3 Comments

Dear Candice

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years now. The first two years were great, I’m patient with him and he’s patient with me. But the last few months weren’t good. We always argue on different things. And he’s being forceful of what he think is right. I feel so disconnected with him right now but I really want to make things work and save the relationship. Please help.  – Deonna Rois

Dear Deonna,

Good communication skills can make your relationship work well and stay strong. However, like your relationship, about every relationship has its ups and downs, usually one or both do not know how to communicate well. In life, you have to weather financial stresses… life events and health problems, as best as you’re able. While these problems are often cited as major reasons for divorce, communication problems in relationships are often the root cause. If you’re not communicating effectively, it’s almost guaranteed that you’ll experience a distancing from your partner over time.

Here, we take a look at five of the most common communication problems in relationships and what you can do about them to get you back on track.

Making the effort to restore good two-way conversations. This communication problem is most common in long term relationships. You’ve doubtless heard it said that, over time, your partner can anticipate your response in a conversation before you ever speak. Unless you are willing to really listen to your partner, uninterrupted, the not-listening syndrome takes hold. This isn’t necessarily a one sided deal. Sometimes both people begin to talk over each other, while in other cases, one person talks and does not invite any response. Making the effort to restore good two-way conversations, with thought given to what each person’s point is can go a long way towards eliminating communication problems in relationships.

Re-prioritize, reorganize or redistribute. Most of us conduct very busy lives, with very little time left over for quality time spent with your mate. If all, or much of your communications consist of conversations on problems, this can wear thin. Re-prioritize, reorganize or redistribute necessary tasks such that you gain even an hour each day together, spent talking about more positive topics or just kicking back together. It’s obvious that if most communications between you are of a negative nature, you’re generating a negative environment, which doesn’t bode well for your relationship.

Avoid the guilt trips. Another major culprit in the lineup of communication problems in relationships is using guilt trips to get your way. This is far more common than you might think. For example, your spouse has jumped on your case for spending money on something deemed to be frivolous. Perhaps it was a frivolous purchase. If you respond with a remark that digs into the past, detailing some mistake your spouse made, this is not productive. You are really just putting a guilt trip on your partner in order to avoid your own mistake.

Don’t get into blame games. Somewhat similar to guilt trips, blame games differ in that usually only one of you is playing the game. This is pure arrogance and is often used by a controlling personality. It serves two, not very admirable and certainly counterproductive purposes. The person who’s into the blame game then can feel righteous and in charge, while the person who is blamed for everything feels resentful and suffers, eventually, a loss of confidence and an unhappy mood. This leads to inserting attitudes and guilt trips. If this type of communication problem starts becoming the norm, it’s time for a serious sit down.

Step back. When a conversation starts going sour, take a step back. Take a time out and calm down before continuing the conversation. Indulging in attitudes takes a conversation nowhere good. Be a fly on the wall and check out each of your attitudes. Is your attitude confrontational? Irrational and angry? A bad attitude can contribute greatly to ongoing, habitual communication problems in relationships. Try to be objective. If you realize you’re just angry and have a bad attitude, you’re just fueling the fire.

Communication problems in relationships are fixable. You’re the only person who can tell which of the examples here may apply to you. One thing is certain…. despite all the ups and downs life throws on your plate, when communication is done in a mutual effort, you’ll both be much happier.

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Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice, Problems in Relationship, Relationship