Get Your Ex Back – Yes, The Past Does Matter!

November 21, 2008 | Leave a Comment

Dear Candice,

I seriously made a mistake so my boyfriend broke up with me. I tried to win him back but he’s reluctant and doesn’t appreciate my efforts. I’m starting to lose hope. The cause of our break up is really not good, will there be a way to get him back without making him flip out on me like this? – Joan (somewhere in Massachusetts)

Dear Joan,

I wish I could tell you that the cause and nature of your break up won’t play any single role in your ability to get your ex boyfriend back, that would be hypocrisy. There are really some things that might influnce your ability to re-start the relationship.

Yes, the past does matter. However, it doesn’t necessarily need to control your future. The nature of your break up will surely have an impact on what it will take to get your boyfriend back in your life. The good news is, no matter what caused your break up, there are ways to get your ex back.

We can’t escape our pasts, but it doesn’t mean that we have to be slaves to it. The past is history, you definitely can’t do anything to alter it. What you do now and into the future is what you can control, and that’s going to determine if you get him back or not.

As you undergo the process of trying to rebuild the partnership, it will be very difficult for your ex to instantly receive you with open arms. That’s particularly true if the break up is largely the outgrowth of some indiscretion or misbehavior on your part. That is also true if you’ve been untrustworthy, dishonest or uncaring in the relationship.

The nature of your relationship prior to the break up will also be relevant. If your ex boyfriend feels as he was always on the short end of the stick and feels that he’s not being well loved in return, it might be more difficult to rebuild the relationship. You must realize that sometimes a relationship is great for one person, and just average for the other. Some relationships are good for one party and horrible for the other.

It’s definitey understandable if a man is reluctant to get back together with a woman. This happens if his last interactions with your ex were something approximating vicious, thus causing him to hate you. And even if the break up didn’t stem from anything you did, it can still be tougher to get your ex boyfriend back, this happens if the parting was particularly nasty or ugly. It’s reasonable.

But then again, let me tell you that we don’t need to let the past govern our future. No matter what happened before, you can still get your ex boyfriend back. Yes, you might have to work harder to rebuild the relationship based on some aspects of your past, but you can still get back together with one another.

You can’t change what you did in the past. You’ve wounded someone’s heart… sure thing the wound will heal in time, but the scar will still remain. People can always forgive… but not all can forget. There’s no way to erase what happened “back then”, but what you do from today onwards is completely up to you! And that’s more important.

Everything that happened “before” will matter. The extent to which it matters will be determined by the details. Regardless, though, none of it can stand in your way. If you are completely convinced that you and your ex boyfriend need to take another chance and deserving of that love, there’s a way to make it happen. Stop worrying about the past and start working now to build a great future.

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Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice, Breakup, Relationship