Get Your Boyfriend Back, But Then Again, The Past Does Matter

December 3, 2008 | Leave a Comment

Here’s another post that further speaks about how your past can possibly affect the odds of getting your boyfriend back. Does the past really matter? If so, when?

Does an ugly break up make it more difficult to get back with your ex? Does the situation that led to the break up still matter? Can you get your man back no matter what drove the two of you apart? These are interesting questions and they do need some attention.

When you are in pursuit of your ex boyfriend after a break up, you might be wondering how much the nature of your past and the characteristics of the break up itself matter. Well, from my own experience, the past can really have an impact on how easy it is to get your boyfriend back. But rarely the case, that ‘the past’ will be a determining factor in your efforts to get him back. Let me put it this way, the past has an impact on us, but it doesn’t control our future.

That only means that you should be able to get your boyfriend back no matter what caused the split up. That should be good news to you. However, just like any rules… there are a few exceptions. The exceptions to this general rule of thumb are also rare. Unless you did something almost unimaginably horrible to break the relationship, it shouldn’t be an issue.

So, assuming you didn’t chop off one of his arms, kill his dog, and beat up his mother while filling the Internet with hateful lies about him, you can probably get him back! Hey, we’ve all seen couples come back to one another even after some pretty shocking misbehavior. The bar for doing something completely unforgivable is set very, very high.

Yes, the past does matter, but when? The past will have an impact on how difficult the process is. If he still feels emotionally wounded or as if he can’t reasonably put any trust in you anymore, it will be somewhat difficult get him back and rebuild the relationship. You’ll need to work with smaller steps, slowly… but surely rebuilding your romance.

Here’s a good way to manage the impact of the past on your future — Deal with it directly. Discuss with your ex about what happened in honest and open terms and clear the slate on the topic. This can be done by bringing out what you fee into the light, without holding back. You can decrease its power to secretly influence his responses to your attempts to get back together.

If you want to get him back, do yourself a favor… just do so. Be equipped with a complete combination of that attitude, your action and a good plan. You’ll be able to bring him back into your life and you can make him part of your future, regardless of the past.

One more important thing — Keep in mind that you don’t have to give up on the idea of making a comeback just because something unsavory went down before the break up. You can recover from your past to build a great future with your ex.

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Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice, Breakup, Relationship 

Choose the Right Way in Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

November 20, 2008 | 1 Comment

Dear Candice,

I’s so confused right now. I want to get my ex back but I don’t know how to do it. Will a simple call make it work? Or shall I have to totally change how I look to attract him again? Will this get him back? Or is it best to just let him go? – Roxy (Atlanta, Georgia)

Dear Roxy,

To move forward after a break up, you will need to make a choice. And it’s definitely not easy. In the aftermath of a break up, you’ll approach a fork in the road with three clearly defined options, that’s where you got to make a choice. And the options are: Let your ex boyfriend go. Try to get him back using whatever means necessary. Try to get him back the right way.

Letting your ex boyfriend go is not a credible option. Of course, you’re a woman and you’re hurt. And nothing beats the courage of a woman, to immediately stop her pain if she’s hurting. We often times decide right away. We want to instantly fix ‘the now’ rather than fixing and building ‘the future’. You want him back, there is a special connection at play or you feel the relationship should develop, so it’s definitely not the time to let him go.

The second option is probably the most popular one. We often hear ourselves saying “I’m going to get what I want, by hook or by crook.” Courageous? Yes! But definitely not going to work if you want to get your ex back for good. Many women are happy to take a no-holds-barred approach to rebuilding a relationship after a break up. They’ll lie, trick, scheme, play on weaknesses and do anything and everything under the sun to get their ex boyfriend back.

It is possible to get your guy back by using dirty tricks and ethically questionable schemes. Unfortunately, they rarely work for long. They might bring him back, but they set a horrible precedence and cut against the honest and solid foundation you’ll need to make the relationship grow. They also bring with them a very serious series of moral and ethical questions. Doing “whatever it takes” can require you to compromise your principles. It can also lead you to start treating another human being’s heart as if it is merely some kind of a game piece. So, is that who you want to be? Bottom line is, getting your ex boyfriend back by hook or by crook, just doesn’t work.

Why would you risk your chances in getting your man back by using some obscure tricks, thus denigrating your dignity, where in fact there’s a way that really works? And that is to get your ex boyfriend back the right wayh. This is the only viable choice among the options. This is the way to approaching the situation without exploiting his weaknesses or fooling him into giving the relationship another shot. This is the honest way to get your ex back and at the same time keeps both your dignity and integrity intact.

This last option works, but it might not be as easy. This might force you to confront a few things you would rather avoid. It might not be as quick as telling a whopper, either. However, it can get your man back into your life after a break up. Choosing the right way is the only option that really provides a legitimate chance at long-term success. If you handle things the right way, you will build a solid basis from which to nurture and develop your relationship.

If you want your ex boyfriend back and are considering how to move forward, consider all three choices. Think what they would really mean in the larger scheme of things. If you want to sucessfully get your ex boyfriend back in your life for good, choose the right way.

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Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice, Breakup, Relationship