Understanding Men Is Necessary To Get Your Boyfriend Back

December 4, 2008 | 1 Comment

Dear Candice,

Me and my boyfriend broke up and now I want to revive the relationship. The problem is, just like other people here, I just don’t know what to do. And what’s more complicating is that I don’t think we speak the same language. We have so many differences, what if the idea of reviving our relationship is one of them? – Mitch (Scottsdale, Arizona) 

Dear Mitch,

You and your boyfriend do not speak the same language? Here’s my take — Literally? Definitely, not correct. You and your boyfriend can communicate with each other right? — Figuratively? Still, not correct! Believing on it, can be really frustrating. How can you possibly connect with him if it seems that you are living in two different world?

When I was in pursuit of my ex, I’ve sought advice from famous relationship gurus. According to one guru, men are from the planet Mars. And another one claims the one you’ve mentioned here, that men and women just don’t speak the same languages. There’s a school of thought that argues that the male and female minds are hardwired differently — that we’re basically different species.

So, how are you supposed to get your ex boyfriend back when you can’t even begin to understand him? Seems like a long shot to me. How are you supposed to forge a partnership with some crazy creature from another world? Yikes! It just isn’t a very promising situation in which to be.

Bridging a gap like that is not an easy way, right? Wrong! The answer is actually quite easy. Talk to him like a person. Simply because he is a person too. All that talk of different species and aliens from outer space is complete and utter nonsense. I’ve proven that men, despite being weird occasionally, are definitely human beings.

You see, they aren’t that different compared to us. We often mistakingly assume that we are not alike — And that’s where the problem sets in. Men want the same things we do. In fact, if you were to go down a list of important things with your ex boyfriend you’d probably find that most of both lists were identical.

That, however, doesn’t mean that there aren’t slight differences. There are. These are more a matter of prioritizing goals and longings and far less about being radically different from one another.

Your ex boyfriend is probably from your hometown, your state, your country, and he is definitely from your world — the same world women hail from, by the way. They can definitely communicate with you if you make the effort to communicate with them. So, men aren’t from Mars.

I was once failed to get back together with my ex, because I declined to believe that we are just the same. Thought of so many unrealistic male stereotypes. This patronizing approach certainly isn’t attractive and it generally fails to produce a real connection.

So, if you want to get your ex boyfriend back, you will need to understand those slight differences that separate you from him. More importantly, though, you’ll need to remain cognizant of the fact that your ex boyfriend is a full-fledged human being, just like you. You’ll be much, much closer to getting your boyfriend back once you accept that fact.

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Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice, Breakup, Relationship 

Dwelling on Past Mistakes Won’t Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

November 18, 2008 | 1 Comment

Dear Candice,

I broke up with my ex a couple of months ago because he cheated on me. Until now, he’s trying to win me back. I still love him and desperately want him back too. But what if he cheats on me again? Is it right to give our relationship a second chance? – Toni (Los Angeles, CA)

Dear Toni,

Don’t let your past hold you back. If you’re sure that you want to get together again with your ex boyfriend, just do it. Stop worrying about what happened before. Focus on what comes next. After all, rebuilding a relationship is about thinking forward, so it doesn’t make sense to linger in the past.

That viewpoint may seem contrary to what common sense would suggest. You often think that you need to dissect the past in order to figure out what went wrong. Further, you also think that the past information give you the right clues to prevent another break up after reuniting with your ex. Furthermore, you think that a full accounting of the past will better your position to do what it takes to get your ex boyfriend back.

The truth is, you don’t need to become some sort of weird relationship forensic examiner to get your man back in your life. In fact, that kind of focus on the past will do nothing but to hinder you from achieving want you want – and that is to get your ex back.

The more you focus on past missteps and problems, the more it leads you to a counterproductive problem/solution mindset. Instead of focusing on the big picture factors that can actually bring a man back into your life, you may find yourself trying to devise little systems by which to solve a series of relatively minor problems. Your time could be better spent elsewhere and most of the solutions you devise are probably inconsistent with the realities of your personality.

Being bogged down in little details and thoughts of the past will prevent you from taking necessary and sound action. Remember ‘paralysis by analysis’? Yes, of course you do, that’s what happens if you keep dwelling on the past.

Perhaps, the real reason why you broke up in the first place has very little to do with the discrete problems you’ll dig up and over-analyze. Break ups usually stem from a multiplicity of factors that combine to create a certain situations under a particular set of circumstances. So, do not waste your time.

Why not put it this way? Bury that past and move forward. While history can provide you with some valuable information, you are not governed by it.

If you’ve decided to get your ex boyfriend back, it doesn’t really matter why you broke up. What matters now is what you’re going to do to get back together. That is where your focus should really be on – taking the actions necessary to create a great future.

For you to successfully revive and improve the relationship, you need to get going and stop dredging up bad memories and ripping off emotional scabs. Focus on your efforts to take actions to make the relationship work. Most of the time, people who get bogged down in the past aspects of their relationships have the hardest time when it comes to rebuilding a relationship after the break up. And those people, who have quickly realized that it’s high time to take action and let those sleeping dogs lay, are more successful.

Again, rebuilding a relationship is a forward-thinking affair and getting stuck on past trials and tribulations can only complicate the process unnecessarily. If you want to get your ex boyfriend back, there’s really no reason to dwell on past mistakes.

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Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice, Breakup, Relationship 

Although Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back Involves Some Strategy, It Is Not A Game

November 17, 2008 | Leave a Comment

Last week, I’ve posted a blog about getting your ex boyfriend back without the silliness. That post was intended to answer Jaz query. Here’s another post to further disclose how acting silly can ruin your chances to get your ex boyfriend back. This is for you Jaz and to all the women who share the same story.

Getting your ex boyfriend back in your life is certainly possible, if you take the right approach. And from my own experience, using that right approach is the only way you can get your ex back for good. Relying on cheap tricks or gimmicks, all those crazy behavior… to get him back, won’t make the reunion last for long. More often than not, they might be good for one night, but they are meaningless for anything that matters.

Many people are out there willing to give a great deal of advice about how to rebuild relationships after they go through break ups. Some of it is legitimate, rock-solid perspective about how to approach a difficult situation in a smart and honest way.

And yes… some of it, however, is nothing more than a recitation of mind games that would abuse your ex boyfriend while demeaning yourself. Such as exploiting your ex’s weaknesses or setting up a bogus jealousy or farfetched lies. Exploiting his weaknesses isn’t a recipe for lasting love, it’s a sick parlor trick that won’t bring the two of you closer together. Also, setting a bogus jealousy trap isn’t a way to get your boyfriend back, it’s a way to hurt his feelings while selling out your own soul selfishly.

When you are in the course of getting your ex back, you’re dealing with your future and you’re handling human hearts and emotions – which happens to be yours and that of your ex. This is indeed a serious business, definitely not a time to be jaunty or tricky. Getting your ex boyfriend back after a break up does involve some strategy, but that doesn’t make it a game.

You don’t need to play games to get your ex boyfriend back. You can do it without taking morally shameful shortcomings. You can honestly do it, in a straightforward way that leaves your dignity intact. I should know… modesty aside, I have managed to get my ex back with character and pride. Yes, I did not get it right the first time. Just like you, I have put up myself into a disgraceful situation to get my ex back. And I won’t let that happen to you.

Enough of those, there are too many women already who have made a scandalous remark on themselves under the mistaken belief that certain strategies make them more appealing to men. I’m talking about those who rely on cleavage or short skirts to attract the interest of their ex. This is not a time to try to be extra seductive. You can do that after the two of you are together! This is a time to build a strong underlying basis from which you can grow your relationship, thus relying on such tricks won’t make a difference.

Do you really want him back? If so, then make your best effort. I wish you all of the best. But please, do it the right way. You want him back, but you also want to be proud of yourself. Hearts are precious and love is special. They are not game pieces and they should be treated with the very utmost in respect.

If you want to rebuild your relationship into something meaningful, you’ll need an honest foundation and a true understanding of one another. Approaching making up like a game simply can’t provide that. Getting your ex back without the silliness and a good approach is absolutely the strategy that will surely work. It is far much better than messing around with stunts and tricks.

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Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice, Breakup, Relationship