Understanding Men Is Necessary To Get Your Boyfriend Back
December 4, 2008 | 1 Comment
Dear Candice,
Me and my boyfriend broke up and now I want to revive the relationship. The problem is, just like other people here, I just don’t know what to do. And what’s more complicating is that I don’t think we speak the same language. We have so many differences, what if the idea of reviving our relationship is one of them? – Mitch (Scottsdale, Arizona)
Dear Mitch,
You and your boyfriend do not speak the same language? Here’s my take — Literally? Definitely, not correct. You and your boyfriend can communicate with each other right? — Figuratively? Still, not correct! Believing on it, can be really frustrating. How can you possibly connect with him if it seems that you are living in two different world?
When I was in pursuit of my ex, I’ve sought advice from famous relationship gurus. According to one guru, men are from the planet Mars. And another one claims the one you’ve mentioned here, that men and women just don’t speak the same languages. There’s a school of thought that argues that the male and female minds are hardwired differently — that we’re basically different species.
So, how are you supposed to get your ex boyfriend back when you can’t even begin to understand him? Seems like a long shot to me. How are you supposed to forge a partnership with some crazy creature from another world? Yikes! It just isn’t a very promising situation in which to be.
Bridging a gap like that is not an easy way, right? Wrong! The answer is actually quite easy. Talk to him like a person. Simply because he is a person too. All that talk of different species and aliens from outer space is complete and utter nonsense. I’ve proven that men, despite being weird occasionally, are definitely human beings.
You see, they aren’t that different compared to us. We often mistakingly assume that we are not alike — And that’s where the problem sets in. Men want the same things we do. In fact, if you were to go down a list of important things with your ex boyfriend you’d probably find that most of both lists were identical.
That, however, doesn’t mean that there aren’t slight differences. There are. These are more a matter of prioritizing goals and longings and far less about being radically different from one another.
Your ex boyfriend is probably from your hometown, your state, your country, and he is definitely from your world — the same world women hail from, by the way. They can definitely communicate with you if you make the effort to communicate with them. So, men aren’t from Mars.
I was once failed to get back together with my ex, because I declined to believe that we are just the same. Thought of so many unrealistic male stereotypes. This patronizing approach certainly isn’t attractive and it generally fails to produce a real connection.
So, if you want to get your ex boyfriend back, you will need to understand those slight differences that separate you from him. More importantly, though, you’ll need to remain cognizant of the fact that your ex boyfriend is a full-fledged human being, just like you. You’ll be much, much closer to getting your boyfriend back once you accept that fact.
Get Your Boyfriend Back, But Then Again, The Past Does Matter
December 3, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Here’s another post that further speaks about how your past can possibly affect the odds of getting your boyfriend back. Does the past really matter? If so, when?
Does an ugly break up make it more difficult to get back with your ex? Does the situation that led to the break up still matter? Can you get your man back no matter what drove the two of you apart? These are interesting questions and they do need some attention.
When you are in pursuit of your ex boyfriend after a break up, you might be wondering how much the nature of your past and the characteristics of the break up itself matter. Well, from my own experience, the past can really have an impact on how easy it is to get your boyfriend back. But rarely the case, that ‘the past’ will be a determining factor in your efforts to get him back. Let me put it this way, the past has an impact on us, but it doesn’t control our future.
That only means that you should be able to get your boyfriend back no matter what caused the split up. That should be good news to you. However, just like any rules… there are a few exceptions. The exceptions to this general rule of thumb are also rare. Unless you did something almost unimaginably horrible to break the relationship, it shouldn’t be an issue.
So, assuming you didn’t chop off one of his arms, kill his dog, and beat up his mother while filling the Internet with hateful lies about him, you can probably get him back! Hey, we’ve all seen couples come back to one another even after some pretty shocking misbehavior. The bar for doing something completely unforgivable is set very, very high.
Yes, the past does matter, but when? The past will have an impact on how difficult the process is. If he still feels emotionally wounded or as if he can’t reasonably put any trust in you anymore, it will be somewhat difficult get him back and rebuild the relationship. You’ll need to work with smaller steps, slowly… but surely rebuilding your romance.
Here’s a good way to manage the impact of the past on your future — Deal with it directly. Discuss with your ex about what happened in honest and open terms and clear the slate on the topic. This can be done by bringing out what you fee into the light, without holding back. You can decrease its power to secretly influence his responses to your attempts to get back together.
If you want to get him back, do yourself a favor… just do so. Be equipped with a complete combination of that attitude, your action and a good plan. You’ll be able to bring him back into your life and you can make him part of your future, regardless of the past.
One more important thing — Keep in mind that you don’t have to give up on the idea of making a comeback just because something unsavory went down before the break up. You can recover from your past to build a great future with your ex.
Three Important Rules To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back
December 2, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Dear Candice,
I wan’t my boyfriend back and definitely will do anything to make it happen. What are the things that I should not do, so he won’t flip out on me? – Marge
Dear Marge,
There shouldn’t be a no-holds-barred affair if you are trying to rebuild your relationship. Yes, when making your decision, there are certain limits to consider. This is, in part, necessary to increase your odds of actually getting your ex boyfriend back.
If you feel that your relationship deserves a second chance, and now want to do everything in your power to get your ex boyfriend back, there are a few rules you should set for yourself prior to taking action. Just as importantly, though, following “rules” like these can insure that you’ll emerge from the project as a whole. You must be a fulfilled person who doesn’t feel as though that you somehow compromised your personal integrity.
The rule number one is to not let your fear govern your actions. More often than not, potentially awesome relationships die an ugly death, simply because both parties to the relationship were too afraid to take necessary action to reunite. They end up breaking up. Surely, there are fears of rejection that can get in the way. And some people are afraid to be vulnerable or to expose their heartfelt emotions. You definitely won’t get your ex back if you let your fears and worries get into you. Further, letting your fears control you may put you in a situation of great regret later.
The rule number two is to not change yourself for the sake of getting him back. As I’ve mentioned on my previous posts here, changing your physical appearance can do nothing, but connotes desperation. It is hard to resist allure of undergoing personal change in an effort to recapture a lost romance. if you think that there’s something about you encouraged the break up, changing that something should cure it… think again. This is definitely not the case. Because in reality, break ups rarely stem from just one thing and making superficial or artificial changes usually isn’t persuasive to the ex boyfriend, who is capable of seeing right through your actions. Further, making these changes will leave you feeling somewhat shallow and compromised. There is really no need for you to sell yourself out, to get your man back.
The rule number three is to retain your honesty. Faking, scheming, and telling farfetched lies just don’t work. If you really want to successfully get him back, you probably want to stay with him afterwards, right? The quickest way to get a boyfriend back and then lose him again is to revive the relationship based on lies or schemes. In most cases, deception doesn’t work. When luckily it does, it is usually a temporary fix that will later backfire. This is not the time to play “tricks” on him. Trying to get your boyfriend back with dishonest behavior offers additional blow back. It compromises your personal integrity and produces a great deal of potential shame and guilt. If your current plan involves stretching the truth, reconsider.
Following these three basic rules will get your ex boyfriend back. These rules will not just maximize your chances for success but also protect you from making critical errors on a personal level.
There Are Things You Don’t Need To Do When Getting Your Boyfriend Back
November 26, 2008 | 1 Comment
Dear Candice,
Just ended my relationship over a month ago, now I realized that he was the best thing that happened to me. And I definitely would do anything to get him back. I emailed him, asked him out for a dinner. He responded, but said that it’s not the time. Does sending him an email wrong? Please tell me what to do and what not to do. – Sincerely, Simone (NY)
Dear Simone,
In an effort to rebuild a relationship after a breakup, there are a lot of things you can do. Perhaps some of them are smart and produce results. However, more often than not, some don’t accomplish much of anything. They can actually cause damage and make the process of getting your ex back more difficult.
Let’s look at a few things you don’t need to do when you are in pursuit of your ex. These things are common behaviors that fail to assist in the rebuilding process and that you should be very happy to avoid. Women who fall into these mistakes almost always wish they hadn’t!
I know that in the face of a break up, the instinctive thing to do is to change yourself in a way that you think he’ll find appealing. You want get his attention that is why you want to be appealing, at least for him. But, seriously, you don’t need to change yourself. That instinct, however, is dead wrong.
Attempting to make superficial changes to yourself, won’t really make much of a difference to him. Your ex knows you well, so he can easily determine if you are making drastic moves to get him back. Changes in fashion and appearance are the kind of skin-deep moves that don’t really have an impact on him as you try to get back together. This move does nothing, but sends a message that you are desperate. And nothing is less attractive than looking needy or desperate.
Making major life changes does not only sends a message of desperation in the attempt of getting your ex boyfriend back. It also conveys to your ex that perhaps there is something very wrong with you. How great can you be if you’re constantly trying to re-invent yourself anyway?
You may be able to “fake it” for a while, but it will become obvious that your changes were an effort at gaming him in the long run. Sooner or later, your ex will find out that those are not a real reflection of who you are. Making those changes also usually fails to work because they aren’t consistent with who you really are. That certainly mitigates any potential strategic value of changing yourself.
To be honest is important to successfully rebuild your relationship. If you try to become something that you aren’t, you are being unkind both to yourself and to him. That kind of behavior constitutes an effort to rebuild your romance based on a foundation of dishonesty. There is no way that a relationship will flourish when it’s based on lies. There are some women who are lucky enough to get their exes back using those silly techniques, but another breakup followed after.
Trying to transform yourself into someone you are not is one of the things you don’t need to do to get your ex back. There are many tempting possibilities that just don’t pay off in the long run. But, there are also many positive things you can do to help you get your ex boyfriend back.
Don’t try to get him back with tricks… you can do better than that. You can get your boyfriend back legitimately without compromising your own integrity. Stay honest, decent and direct. That’s the best way to rebuild a relationship and get your ex back into your life.
Getting Your Boyfriend Back – How to Deal with Your “What If” Questions
November 25, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Dear Candice,
I broke up with my boyfriend a month ago. I was busy with my work then, but now that my mind is clear, I realized that I made a mistake of ending my relationship with him. I want him back. But what if he doesn’t want to? What if he’s seeing someone else? What if he hated me for breaking up with him? – Daphne (Alabama)
Dear Daphne,
What if he does this? What if I do that? What if I try this and it doesn’t work? What if I say that he responds with this? What it? What if? What if?
You want to get your ex boyfriend back, but you’re bothered by these questions as you consider the best way to rebuild your relationship. There are a lot of women out there, just like you, who worry about every move that might go into working things out and find themselves constantly second and even third-guessing all of them. It’s a never-ending cycle of hypothetical questions.
I’ve been in the situation too at one point in my life. I’ve entertained those silly questions in my head and found myself unable to move forward. I was once a victim too of what we call “paralysis by analysis”. It’s really an unproductive kind of concern that can ruin your chances to get your ex boyfriend back. I’m saying this based on my experience, the more you worry about everything that could happen, the more you’ll find yourself in a position where nothing is happening at all.
You’ll be absolutely unable to take the actions necessary to rebuild your relationship if you’re constantly poring over what might happen. It won’t be easy to not think about it, but it is essential. If you want to get your boyfriend back, you need to put all of those concerns aside.
There are some sort of secret that will allow you to move forward in a way that doesn’t involve constant second-guessing and reconsidering. The secret worked for me. Here’s how you can actually do it.
First, keep in mind that your goal is to get your boyfriend back and that over-analizing every possibility doesn’t help you to achieve that goal. Maintaining a goal-based focus and filtering your potential behavior through that prism can help keep you on track.
Second, no matter what you do and no matter how many different contingencies you consider, there are things that will happen that you could never conceivably plan for. You must understand that there is an inevitable component of unpredictability in human behavior. It makes the notion of thinking every possibility through seem almost ridiculous when you recognize that you can never be truly ready for everything.
Lastly, you should learn how to work with a smart plan designed to maximize your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back. This plan worked for me and for everyone else I know. If you know you are using a sound strategy that has produced results in the past, it will allow you to relax a little and will help lighten some of your “what if” fears.
To successfully get your ex boyfriend back, you need to move forward quickly and intelligently. Don’t allow yourself to get bogged down in a cycle of unproductive second-guessing. “What if” thinking doesn’t inspire necessary action, it only implies insecurity, and it stands in your way to get your ex back.
Candice Garcia’s and Curtis Daniel’s Blog
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