Why Consider Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

February 23, 2009 | 2 Comments

Dear Candice,

My boyfriend for almost a year recently ended our relationship. I tried to save the relationship, but he keeps on telling me that he has to sort things out first. Shall I still consider getting him back? — Veronica

Dear Veronica,

Your relationship came to a screeching halt. You had a nice thing going on but your relationship finally came to a painful and frustrating situation – break up. Sure, you’ll find the situation sort of ugly. The more you want to save the relationship the harder it gets to keep. You’ve been trying to hold a wagon to stay one piece but the wheels keep falling of it. It can be the very rocky times of your life now that it’s over and you can’t believe that you spent all that time and emotion only to lose it in the end.

So, why do you want your ex boyfriend back? Wouldn’t it be easier to just consider this chapter of your life closed and to move on to some proverbial greener pasture? What could conceivably motivate you after all of the agony and hurt to even make getting your ex boyfriend back as an option??

You might say: Yikes! Some of you would say: No way! When we put it in those terms, the thought of getting your ex back doesn’t sound that attractive, does it? Good thing there’s a bigger perspective on your relationship that can conjure up positive images that easily overshadow any potential problems you may be experiencing related to the break up. A different approach to look at things. , More often than not, this alternative perspective gives you all the reason why you should consider getting your ex boyfriend back.

Now, let me tell you some of the positive alternative perspectives:

Love is just too valuable to ignore. You owe it to yourself to go after your ex if you think the love of your life is walking away. We like to pose as though old-school romanticism is something of a thing from the past, however, we know that real love does exist and that it’s very special. You simply can’t just missed out on a great chance of love. If your heart is yelling at you, it won’t be fair to ignore it for. It does make sense to get your ex back if it can drown out the tears and screams of anguish.

Creating even more meaningful relationship is possible. If you feel like the break up was a bad idea and that there’s a lot of potential left in the idea of the two of you being together, it’s possible to look past the ugliness of a break up. Focus on the potential advantages of getting him back in your life instead.

Optimism is better than dwelling. If there’s something special in your relationship, in one way or another, it will maneuver its own way to get into you no matter how hard you try to ignore it. Keep in mind that things don’t get better if no one took the time to deal with it. If you feel that things can get better and that you can make the relationship work, that optimism can be much more interesting than dwelling on the past and its less beautiful moments.

You get to make a choice. Would you rather deal with regret and suffering or would you prefer to get your ex boyfriend back? That decision is yours to make. A classic “the glass is half empty/half full” situation, indeed. There’s a lot of pain to go around these days, but there is even more potential for something meaningful to happen.

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Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice, Breakup, Relationship 

How Hard Is It To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

December 10, 2008 | Leave a Comment

Dear Candice,

I am currently in pursuit of my ex. Of course, it was hard to broke up with him. But what’s more harder is to convince him rebuild our relationship. What about making up? Why rebuilding a relationship after a break up difficult? – Dynah

Dear Dynah,

There are a lot of possible circumstances and answers to your questions. However, there are few general observations we can make about the difficulty involved in rebuilding a relationship. Those questions defy easy answers for the obvious reason that individual circumstances can be radically different. A sudden break up in a diversely healthy relationship, for instance, is a far cry from an extended period apart between two people who didn’t yet know each other that well.

You’ve experienced how hard it is to get your ex boyfriend back. But it probably isn’t as hard as you might think! In fact, it might be easier than you’d imagine.

Look, there’s no way around it. Getting back together with an ex is going to require some major effort. Something was happening that led the two of you quit. Your break up didn’t materialize magically out of thin air, even if it feels that way. Whatever that was, it will create a barrier you’ll need to bowled-over. You really can’t just hope to snap your fingers and have him back at your side again instantly. You definitely can’t get your ex back overnight. You might not even get him at your first try.

That is because the human heart and mind aren’t impossible to understand. And they are also complicated enough to defy magically quick solutions. Thus, putting forth an effort to get him back is what you need. This is bad news, but you do not need to worry though. Because good news comes in two-fold.

The first good news it that it won’t be as hard as you might think. As long as you’re willing to take action and to follow good advice, you can probably get your ex back much more quickly and with greater ease than you might imagine. The getting back together process is very time-consuming and difficult sometimes. However, it is relatively fast and painless for others. In almost all cases, though, it is possible.

The second good news is that the benefits of getting back together make the effort worthwhile. The time and energy you’ll spend can be the greatest personal investment of your life. The pay off is an enormous thing that it makes any level of effort completely worthwhile. If you believe in your heart that the two of you are special and that your relationship definitely deserves a second chance, the odds are that the advantages of being together will swamp the annoyances of getting over the break up.

So, how hard is it to get your boyfriend back? Will it be really hard? Perhaps, perhaps not. It will require some effort. Overall, though, it probably will be easier than you think and the advantages will make the process of getting your boyfriend back well worth your time and energy.

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Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice, Breakup, Relationship 

You May Not Succeed At First Try But You Can Still Get Him Back

December 9, 2008 | 1 Comment

Dear Candice,

I tried to win back my ex. A few weeks after our breakup I realized that breaking up with him is not good for both of us. So I tried to call him but didn’t get any response. So I then decided to send an email. I apologized and told him my intentions to fix the relationship and make up. He sent a note back: “I’m sorry, but no.” I just can’t let this happen, is there another way to win him back? – Karina

Dear Karina,

It might take some time and it will probably take some real effort to win him back. It’s easy to make an effort to get your ex back. However, you may not be able to get him back with a snap of the fingers.

Been through the situation. And it’s really hard to take “no” as an answer. The breakup has left me more than a little upset. But then, someone told me the good news – that I can still bring him back to my side if I really want to do so. Didn’t get it the first try. But then I tried again. Now, we’re back together. So here’s my advice – Try again.

Getting an ex boyfriend back isn’t that rare and it really isn’t that complicated. If you’re prepared to combine a will to take action with a smart plan to rebuild your relationship, it’s completely possible to make things right again.

Some women, after giving their first shot and did not get a good response, ended up waiting. Most of them mourn and they wish something else would happen. It is true that love can find a way, but it needs a little shove if it’s going to do so. Your willingness to take action is that shove. Your inaction will be the number one killer of your potentially wonderful relationship. Don’t just sit on your hands, take a stand for your love instead.

Some people are lucky enough to go from breaking up back to making up in the blink of an eye. Those people, however, are exceptions to the rule. In most cases, getting an ex boyfriend back is going to require some consistent effort and a bit of time. Sometimes, that first short phone call, email or visit is enough to bring you back together with him.

There can be a lot of setbacks. It might feel as though you aren’t making any progress. What are you supposed to do when you are pouring your heart into getting him back and nothing is working?

The general answer, which is applicable to almost every woman trying to get back together with an ex boyfriend is this – keep trying. However, the exact answer to that question will depend on individual circumstances of course.

You weren’t able to pull it off on the first day. You may even won’t succeed at the second or the third. But you will succeed if you’re using the right approach and are willing to keep pushing forward. You don’t need to accept your break up if you know it’s the wrong thing to do. You can keep plugging along until that great day when you finally get your boyfriend back for good. It can be the most challenging days of your life, but definitely worth trying.

If your relationship is meaningful to you and you believe that true love is at stake, you owe it to yourself to keep trying. You can’t just quit if you know in your heart that the two of you are meant to be with one another. You need to push past set backs and keep your eye on the goal of getting your boyfriend back.

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Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice, Breakup, Relationship 

Get Your Ex Back – Yes, The Past Does Matter!

November 21, 2008 | Leave a Comment

Dear Candice,

I seriously made a mistake so my boyfriend broke up with me. I tried to win him back but he’s reluctant and doesn’t appreciate my efforts. I’m starting to lose hope. The cause of our break up is really not good, will there be a way to get him back without making him flip out on me like this? – Joan (somewhere in Massachusetts)

Dear Joan,

I wish I could tell you that the cause and nature of your break up won’t play any single role in your ability to get your ex boyfriend back, that would be hypocrisy. There are really some things that might influnce your ability to re-start the relationship.

Yes, the past does matter. However, it doesn’t necessarily need to control your future. The nature of your break up will surely have an impact on what it will take to get your boyfriend back in your life. The good news is, no matter what caused your break up, there are ways to get your ex back.

We can’t escape our pasts, but it doesn’t mean that we have to be slaves to it. The past is history, you definitely can’t do anything to alter it. What you do now and into the future is what you can control, and that’s going to determine if you get him back or not.

As you undergo the process of trying to rebuild the partnership, it will be very difficult for your ex to instantly receive you with open arms. That’s particularly true if the break up is largely the outgrowth of some indiscretion or misbehavior on your part. That is also true if you’ve been untrustworthy, dishonest or uncaring in the relationship.

The nature of your relationship prior to the break up will also be relevant. If your ex boyfriend feels as he was always on the short end of the stick and feels that he’s not being well loved in return, it might be more difficult to rebuild the relationship. You must realize that sometimes a relationship is great for one person, and just average for the other. Some relationships are good for one party and horrible for the other.

It’s definitey understandable if a man is reluctant to get back together with a woman. This happens if his last interactions with your ex were something approximating vicious, thus causing him to hate you. And even if the break up didn’t stem from anything you did, it can still be tougher to get your ex boyfriend back, this happens if the parting was particularly nasty or ugly. It’s reasonable.

But then again, let me tell you that we don’t need to let the past govern our future. No matter what happened before, you can still get your ex boyfriend back. Yes, you might have to work harder to rebuild the relationship based on some aspects of your past, but you can still get back together with one another.

You can’t change what you did in the past. You’ve wounded someone’s heart… sure thing the wound will heal in time, but the scar will still remain. People can always forgive… but not all can forget. There’s no way to erase what happened “back then”, but what you do from today onwards is completely up to you! And that’s more important.

Everything that happened “before” will matter. The extent to which it matters will be determined by the details. Regardless, though, none of it can stand in your way. If you are completely convinced that you and your ex boyfriend need to take another chance and deserving of that love, there’s a way to make it happen. Stop worrying about the past and start working now to build a great future.

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Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice, Breakup, Relationship 

Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back Can Be An Empowering Act

November 14, 2008 | Leave a Comment

Dear Candice,

I started dating this guy three months ago. Our relationship went well over a couple of months. But all of a sudden, he seems to be not interested anymore. He’s not returning my calls. And now, he totally pulled away. I want to get him back but I don’t have all the guts of doing so. I’m not conservative but i guess not that too liberated as well. I don’t know what to do now. Need help.  -  Karla (San Francisco, CA)

Dear Karla,

It is true that trying to convince a man to rebuild a broken relationship or even the idea of a woman going after a man, might seem unusual with our more feminist instincts. It is something like a gal bending over backwards for a guy that rubs a lot of us the wrong way, there is really something about this notion. Chasing after your ex boyfriend might seem a little inconsistent with what you usually consider liberating or empowering behavior.

You are in doubt because you probably do not know yet your reasons for getting him back. If you’re afteryour ex because you’re afraid to be without a man or because you feel like you simply must have that security blanket of a boyfriend, the criticisms do hold some weight. In reality, though, getting your ex boyfriend back in your life can be an empowering act. It’s all a matter of motivation.

It is indeed an empowering act if your reason to get him back is that you believe that the two of you are good together. Getting your ex back can also be emporing if you want to get him back because you have decided that you don’t need to be fate’s doormat. Getting your ex back can be an impressive display or emotional strength and determination, worthy of respect and adoration.

There’s nothing positive or strong about being sad, moping, and accepting the loss of something that you could get back if you wanted to do so. If you really want to get your ex boyfriend back, there’s nothing more smart and liberating than taking action. Take action to solve the undesirable break up.

Women who take action to get their guys back share a few things in common. They have the guts to take a difficult situation along the way. They have the power of their convictions and demonstrate a willingness to take a stand for something that really matters to them. They challenge the conventional idea of the “weak girl”, thus demonstrating that their action-oriented approach is a powerful way of reaching their goals.

Those things sound empowering to me. If you think about it, it’s probably one of the more empowering things a woman can do. And you can do this too Karla, for your own happiness and for the man that is worth fighting for.

You see, it isn’t so much a matter of “chasing after a guy” or trying to do whatever it takes to appeal to a man. When you consider the context and the stakes, it seems silly to worry if you’re reinforcing some sort of societal perspective about the nature of relationships. What really matters is making yourself happy. That might just involve doing what it takes to get back together. Remember, this is about love and your future.

If you want your ex boyfriend back, go get him. Rebuilding the relationship is cetainly not that easy, but possible… undoubtedly by meaningful and empowering actions. If the only thing stopping you from going after your ex is some vague sense that you’d be selling yourself out or humiliating yourself by chasing a guy, you must think again. This could be the kind of bold move generally reserved for the strongest people.

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Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice, Breakup, Relationship 

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