If You Want To Get Your Ex Back, Does It Matter If He Wants You Back?

November 5, 2008 | Leave a Comment

Dear Candice,

I think I really pushed my boyfriend away with my jealousy. I broke up with him because I was jealous on his good relations with his friends at work. It’s been 2 months now and I really want to get him back. But what if he doesn’t want to anymore? Does it matter if my ex wants me back too? -  Rachel (Bloomington, Indiana)

Dear Rachel,

Yes, it does matter if your ex boyfriend wants you back. But that doesn’t mean that you will put down your own chances just because he has no plans of getting you back. Whether your ex wants you back or not, you can still get him back. The answer hinges on your willingness to put forth an exceptional effort in the face of difficult odds and in your own personal sense of ethics and morality.

The answer is actually a little more complicated than what you might think. Here’s what I mean. You can get your boyfriend back whether he really has thoughts about reuniting or not. This happens very often. A guy who’s completely sure that he wants out of a relationship for good is persuaded to give it another shot. In some sense, it doesn’t matter if he’s excited about getting back together again or not. If you want him back… you certainly can, but you need to use the right plan – that’s what matters.

Before you come up to a right plan, you should consider these factors to effectively get your ex boyfriend back.

Put forth an exception effort. The less interested your ex boyfriend is in rebuilding the relationship, the more difficult it will be to get him back. Thus, on some level, his interest does matter. If your ex boyfriend is dead set against ever laying eyes on you again, you need to put forth an almost Herculean effort to rekindle your relationship. Keep this in mind, getting him back would be more difficult in this case, but absolutely not impossible.

Stop and check your motivations. You should stop to check your own motivations, if your ex boyfriend is bound and determined against getting together again. Efforts to re-initiate a relationship when one partner is dead set against it are, in most cases, motivated more by things like jealousy or to prove a point rather than nurturing true love. Now, if you are going after your ex just to prove something to him, for the sake of revenge or because you feel jealous… take a pause check your motivations.

Smart tactics and persuasive strategies will not work. Consider the ethics of getting your ex boyfriend back if he really doesn’t want to give the relationship a second chance. You might want to think about what he really wants and how your efforts fit into the picture, because using smart tactics and persuasive strategies might complicates the situation and totally ruin your chance to get your ex back.

Being sensitive on how your ex boyfriend feels about rebuilding your relationship is important. It will definitely make your work at re-starting the relationship easier if he’s an active participant! It also matters in terms of your own individual sense of responsibility. But it all boils down to one thing, whether your ex boyfriend is excited at the prospect of rebuilding your relationship again or not,you can get your ex boyfriend back. You certainly can go from breaking up to making up.

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Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice, Breakup, Relationship 

A New Boyfriend Or Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

November 4, 2008 | 2 Comments

Dear Candice,

At first I thought it was okay to end the relationship with my boyfriend. In fact, I told him that it is totally over between the two of us. Told him i fell out of love, that I don’t have goose bumps anymore when I’m with him. So, he left. I then, go clubbing and bar hopping, hoping to meet someone else. But I still can’t stop thinking about my ex. I hate the fact that i might have been able to prevent this. But I’m also worried, what if we get back together, will I find the feeling that I am looking for? And at this point, can I sill take him back and how?  – Sarah (Ohio, USA)

Dear Sarah,

There’s a big difference between getting a new boyfriend and getting your ex boyfriend back. I understand that you are totally torn between these two options. But your answer should play an enormous role in what you decide to do in the aftermath of a break up.

Getting a first date with a guy is slightly different than getting your ex boyfriend back. There’s tension and familiarity, it’s a whole different ball game. And getting an ex boyfriend back in your life calls for a different approach than what you might need to attract the attention of a new boyfriend.

If you want someone new in your life, going clubbing is somewhat a good way to move on and to look for “that feeling”, as you would say, and meet a special someone. If, on the other hand, you want your ex boyfriend back, you should probably take a more specialized approach.

To answer your question if you can take your boyfriend back… yes you can. There’s no hopeless case when it comes to getting your man back. However, you need to be certain on what you want to do and do something about it. So, if in this case, you really want your ex boyfriend back then I recommend that you should learn about certain techniques that are designed to deal with that specific situation.

These techniques is readily available for you or for anyone who wants to get their man back. There are some very powerful, insightful and informative guides out there that can help you to learn the exact things you need to do to get your ex back at your side. If you learn a few new “tricks” and follow these blueprints for success, you can absolutely get your man back in just a flash.

On the other hand, if you try to get your ex back based on your hunches, uncertain advice and a “fly by night” mindset of yours, it’s going to be very tough to win him back. In fact, it might be next to impossible. There really is a need for a strategy that has been carefully tailored to handle the unique circumstances present in the wake of a break up. Now, Let me ask you. Do you want a new boyfriend or do you specifically want your ex back?

If you and your heart are set to bring your ex boyfriend back, make an effort to know how you should proceed and learn some of the nuances of the situation in order to maximize your chances of rebound relationship. You can certainly get your ex boyfriend back, but it’s much easier if you’re using the right approach!

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Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice, Breakup, Relationship 

An Important Question To Ask Before Getting Your Ex Back: Do You Know How He Thinks?

November 3, 2008 | Leave a Comment

Dear Candice,

My boyfriend broke up with me 3 months back. He said he wants to be single again and that he needs a break from me. I am completely broken to pieces, I loved him so much and I still do. I really want him back but I don’t know if he feels the same way. I don’t know what to tell him. Please help.  -  Vanessa (Sacramento, CA)

Dear Vanessa,

I cannot blame you if you think you lack the ability to effectively communicate with your ex boyfriend. We, as products or our environment, have been exposed to a consistent misrepresentation about the way men think and it’s normal for us to believe it rightaway. But this is one of the biggest reasons that women are having a hard tome convincing men to give relationships a second chance. If you really want to get your guy back after a break up, you better develop a keen understanding of what he’s thinking.

For you to develop that correct understanding, you must cast out some of the wrong perspectives about men that are so prevalent. However, breaking away from those inaccurate perspectives is absolutely critical if you want your guy back in to your life. Now, let me ask you the question: Do you know how your ex boyfriend thinks? Based on your letter, I think you do not. Let me tell you some of the reasons why why you feel and think that way.

There is a perspective that men and women are so radically different that communicating them is something related to deciphering a code. You’ve probably heard about how men are allegedly came from Mars while women came from Venus. That’s a perfect example of what I’m talking about. In reality, we’re all from the same place and we have more in common than this perspective implies.

Having that perspective, we plan and construct our communications to appeal to the opposite sex, instead of really communicating honestly. Seeing men as “the other” has a lot of negative consequences. That’s not only insulting to men, it also decreases our ability to get accross what we really mean and feel.

Speaking of insulting, there is another school of thought about men’s thinking that is really absurd. There are those who would like to claim that the only thing guys are interested in is sex. Some are generous enough to add sports and beer to the mix, but you get the idea. This oversimplified version of “male thinking” has very little to do with reality. If that’s your baseline concept of men, you need to think again if you want to effectively get your ex back.

I don’t mean that men and women see the world through identical prisms. It is true that men do have certain tendencies, as do women. It surely pays to know what some of those tendencies are, so that you can get your boyfriend back the right way and as soon as you possibly can. Once you know how to approach your ex as a fellow human being, you’ll have a real head start toward getting your ex boyfriend back.

Knowing how men thinks can help you in rebuilding your relationship. Let me ask you again, do you know how he thinks? If you’re not sure or if you’re now convinced that your understanding might be muddled by some incorrect assumptions, it’s time to learn more about the relatively slight differences between male and female perspectives.

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Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice, Breakup, Relationship 

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