Can You Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back After Breaking Up With Him?

October 10, 2011 | Leave a Comment

I dumped my boyfriend the other day because i was worried about where our relationship would lead after a while. We started to do stuff but after being away for 3 weeks I got worried our relationship would purely be about sexual things and make outs the whole time. Now I realized I’ve made a huge mistake and he still wants me but I don’t know how to get him back!! advice please??!! – Angel

Dear Angel,

Being away from a partner can be difficult, especially when the relationship is just starting out. When you’re alone for three weeks straight, you can’t check in with your partner as often and as fully as you can when you two are right in front of each other. It causes you to overthink everything: What are they doing right now? Why aren’t they responding to my calls? Don’t they care about me anymore? And overthinking leads to assumption: They’re probably having a great time without me. If they wanted to talk to me, they would call. They don’t care about me as much as I care about them. Or in your case: He’s just using me for sex; he doesn’t actually want to talk to me. Something like that. Things get complicated and convoluted and confusing—and resentment builds—but what you have to remember is that it’s all in your head.

It’s important that when your mind is on overdrive with these sorts of thoughts and worries, you let your partner know! Otherwise, you end up with assumptions and conclusions that may cause you to do something you never really meant to do (namely, break up with them). If you feel as though your partner is just using you for sex, talk to them about it. Let them know how you feel and why. For all you know, they may feel the same way you do and not know how to approach you about it! Everyone is biased with their own perception of how events transpire and what certain things mean; make sure to confirm your interpretations with your partner before acting on an assumption. That, among many other reasons, is why open communication is so crucial in any relationship.

While what’s done is done and cannot be undone, it’s never too late to start communicating. Tell your ex (but hopefully soon-to-be-boyfriend again) honestly why you did what you did, but also let him know how you feel now—and the sooner the better! Chances are that if you’re sincere and honest with how you feel and what you want, your boyfriend will do the same. If you both want to be with one another, then I see no reason why you two wouldn’t get back together.

Next time you have doubts about your partner or relationship, talk to them about it. Tell them why you feel that way and discuss it before solving it yourself. Hopefully, you’ll both do whatever you can to make the relationship better and find a compromise that works for both of you. If you can do that, you’re well on your way to securing a long-lasting and healthy relationship.

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Posted by Curtis Daniel | Filed Under Advice, Breakup 

Getting Boyfriend Back After Cheating

October 7, 2011 | Leave a Comment

Well three weeks ago, I went to my ex Brian’s work during his break right? I went to confess something. I told him then two weeks ago, I was seeing another guy and had an affair and had sexual intercourse with him. It was great, but suddenly, I realized my mistake and stopped seeing that guy. I also told Brian that I was gonna break up with him, but I changed my mind. Brian went ballistic on me. He was crushed about what I said. He threw the promise ring that I gave him and he said it was over and he can’t trust me anymore! I promised Brian that I would never flirt with other guys again, but I did behind his back and broke the promise. Nobody, not even my sister, has spoken to me for three weeks. Yesterday, I tried talking to Brian, but he kept ignoring me! I tried calling him, texting him, but no response back. I wanna get him back!!! I want him to trust me again! – Joy

Dear Joy,

Trust is such a delicate thing when it comes to relationships. It may take months or years to build, but only seconds to shatter. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying that trust is like a mirror: You can fix it if it’s broken, but you’ll always be able to see the cracks in its reflection. Once you break someone’s trust, you can make amends to try and gain it back, but there will always be cracks of mistrust and doubt in your relationship. It will never be the same as it was before.

Before you do whatever you can to try and get your ex back, think about whether or not you truly and honestly want to be with him. Think about why you cheated on him in the first place: What were you trying to achieve? Was it a simple mistake or were you trying to tell yourself something? Were you really happy with him or did you always feel like you needed something else? And now that you two are separated, think about why you want him back: Is it because you still honestly love him or do you just want what you can’t have? Would you promise to change your behavior and be the best partner possible if he gave you a second chance or would you do the same thing all over again? What steps, if any, would you take to ensure that you’d be faithful and honest with him?

It could be that being single right now is a better move for you; you’ll have the freedom to be with whomever you want and sample open relationships and maybe that’s what’s best for you right now. Or maybe cheating on your ex just made you realize how much you can’t bear to be without him, which makes you want him back even more. But before you can convince him that you deserve a second chance, you have to be sure of it yourself. So, do you believe you deserve a second chance? Why?

Only once you’ve been able to promise yourself that you will commit to being a loyal and loving partner—the partner that your ex wants and deserves—you can attempt to contact him and explain yourself. (Personally, I would write a letter of some sort so that you can say everything you want without interruption or getting sidetracked.) If and when you do contact him,  remember that he doesn’t need to hear specifics and details of what happened (unless, of course, he asks for them specifically); he only needs to know that you’re aware that your actions were wrong and that you’re genuinely and sincerely sorry. He wants you to realize the error of your ways and change them permanently and if you want to be with him, you should want the same thing.

There is a chance he may not want to speak with you at all and you can’t really fault him for that (because for all he knows, speaking with you again would only lead to more lies and heartache, of which he’s had plenty already). For this reason, I suggest writing a single letter and nothing else. If you bombard him with text messages and phone calls, he will avoid you and not understand how you expect him to forgive you so quickly. First, give him the time and space he needs to recover from the terrible things he’s gone through; give him some time to remember why he was with you in the first place and after reading your honest and apologetic letter, he may realize that he still wants to be with you despite all that.

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Posted by Curtis Daniel | Filed Under Advice, Breakup 

The Power to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back Comes with Responsibility

November 24, 2008 | 2 Comments

Dear Candice,

If breakups are optional and I can definitely make it happen if I want to, why do I still need to have a good approach or some sort of a guideline? I also want to get my ex back and I know that he still loves me. Does a simple holler won’t get my ex back? – Pearl (Chicago, Illinois)

Dear Pearl,

Because getting your ex boyfriend back is a serious business. When we are talking about getting your ex back… we’re talking about matters of the human heart and influencing the behavior and decisions of others. You need to use the power to get your ex back responsibly for your own sake. You owe it to yourself to be happy and that means you’ll need to make smart decisions. That’s why it’s important to be sure that you really want your ex boyfriend back before you take action. You don’t want to waste your time, energy and emotion if you’re not wholly convinced you’re doing the right thing.

Break ups are optional. And yes, you have all the power to rebuild your relationship and get your ex back into your life. If you want to get your ex boyfriend back, you certainly can do it. If you want to go from breaking up to making up, it’s your call. These are all simple facts. However you may not understand the truth of these statements… yet. Also, you might not yet have the tools and knowledge necessary to re-ignite the flames of your romance’s passion. Nonetheless, the statements are true.

Women think that getting their exes back takes a lot of power. The power to rebuild a relationship is so significant that it comes with a healthy supply of responsibility. I am sure you know the old saying: “With great power comes great responsibility”. Yes, this also applies when you are trying to get your ex back.

Women can decide to put an end to the break ups? And sadly, they often do. While women do have all the right information and approach to get their exes back, they are still afraid to take action and keep asking themselves “what if” questions.

It’s nothing short of cruel to bring your ex back into your life, if you don’t really want him back. No matter what you might think about him at this moment, he’s a human being and he doesn’t deserve to have his heart and soul toyed with for the wrong reasons. As much as you owe yourself to get him back, you also owe it to your ex boyfriend and use that power responsibly.

Many women break up with their guys and feel helpless. Some are lucky enough to realize that they are anything but helpless. They learn how and why they can re-initiate a relationship and discover that getting back together with an ex is well within their ability.

A desire to live a happier and more fulfilled life should be your motivation to rebuild your relationship. Not just because you think the he still loves you or vice versa. Corrupted ends are bound to have a negative impact on the rest of your life, if you behave unethically or irresponsibly. The power does come with some ethical responsibilities that need to be taken seriously.

So, before you take a single step to bring your ex boyfriend back into your life, it is important to consider the responsibility that’s going to accompany your power to rebuild the relationship. If you approach the matter in an ethically upright and correct manner, both of you and he will be much happier in the long run.

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Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice, Breakup, Relationship