Keep It Cool While You Are In The Process Of Getting Your Ex Back

February 25, 2009 | 1 Comment

Getting your ex back is certainly not as easy as 1-2-3. As per my experience, you must have these three things to successfully get your boyfriend back: determination, willingness to act and a good approach. I did not get him back in a short period of time. In fact, while I was in the process of getting him back there were idle moments. Moments in between the point of actual breakup and the point of finally getting back together.

While you are in the process of getting your ex back, you may see your ex somewhat indifferent. Although you have this feeling that the situation is passive, it is important to play it simple and keep it cool. Keeping the situation cool will definitely not ruin your chance… in fact, more often than not, it increases your chances to get your ex back.

No break up is pleasant, so is waiting for your ex to return your call after asking him to give your relationship another chance. However, the manner on how you deal with the situation will have significant impact on your attitude and outlook on relationships, romantic or not. Of course, you can always cry your eyes out during those times, but a far better option is to vow to yourself to be a cool ex whenever you see him again. Here are some “post-breakup while getting your ex back” scenarios and how to keep it cool.

Your ex with another girl. A common friend has invited you both to a party. It’s been two months since he broke it off with you and a week after your email asking him for a possibility of getting back together. Suddenly you saw him with a lady you don’t recognize. To keep it cool, do not play games and try to make him jealous. Instead, hold your head high, walk over to them, introduce yourself and wish them well.

Mom is in touch with your ex still. When you two were together, you enjoyed a close relationship with your family. However, when you broke up, your mom is still in touch your ex, talking to him over the phone and having him around during special occasions. This scenario is actually an advantage for you, but if you act on it in an uncool way, you can ruin your chance to get your ex back. If you are hurting because your ex won’t return your call but he often speaks with your mom, talk to your mom and tell her what you feel. She might be able to help you convince your ex for a rebound relationship.

You are chilling at the park with Bruce, the dog your ex bought for you. Then suddenly, you see your ex walking toward you. To keep it cool, be polite and make a small talk. Limit your talk about Bruce, and how your ex has been doing. Do not try to ignite unnecessary conflict by trying to change agreement over pet custody.

You definitely do not have control on how your ex would deal with a “post-breakup while getting your ex back” scenario, but you can try to deal with it with your integrity in tact. It’s not an enjoyable situation but it is such a learning experience or an opportunity for you to grow, if you’ll think this way you’ll absolutely feel better. Be graceful when handling the process of getting your ex back.

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Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice, Breakup, Relationship 

What You See On Television Is Not The Right Approach To Get Your Ex Back

December 17, 2008 | 1 Comment

This post is for Cherry, Amanda, Diane and Tami. The four ladies share the same story. They all have been trying to get their exes back using the ‘television or movie approach’ – an approach that the woman goes through a series of straightforward steps designed to get him back. Now, let me tell you why that approach is definitely not applicable in reality.

Probably, the ‘getting a new hairstyle… putting on more makeup… smiling more’ approach, is the most popular approach that you can see on television or in movies. You may also call it as the ‘sporting a new look’ approach. Does she look a little thinner or like she might be in better shape? That’s all part of the story. She’s been making her gym times regularly in hopes of becoming the woman he really wants.

Yes, most of the time, that’s the way they do it. We can also be rational about it. Like we are just pampering ourselves or so. But deep inside you, you know what really motivates you to do such things – silly. We also throw in a few ridiculous schemes. Maybe a jealousy trap of some sort. You get the idea girls, right?

‘Art imitates reality’ as some would say. That might be the case here, too. Those who wrote the story for the movie or an episode that you’ve recently watched are, after all, real people too. And yes, we see it all the time in real life. Shortly after a break up, the woman appears. She’s eating less, working out more, wearing shorter skirts and sporting new highlights in her hair. She’s putting herself together for maximum attractiveness, hoping that her efforts will persuade her ex boyfriend to take a second chance on their relationship.

However, there is one distinction between the television/movie approach and real life. On the tube, those superficial little plans actually pay off. The woman gets her boyfriend back and they live happily ever after. In reality , it rarely looks that way. That superficial little plans actually pay off too in the real world, but the ending is not exactly living happily ever after. More often that not, another break up follows immediately after a week or two. Worst case scenario is when the guy recognizes the desperation and sees right through the efforts. He was your boyfriend, definitely he knows that you’re trying to get him back and he isn’t playing along.

Guys are often repulsed by the very scent of desperation! If you are trying to get hi back with cheap tricks, you might want to reconsider. You can only keep up an act so long, and making wholesale changes in hopes of winning back your boyfriend won’t last long enough to be effective.

If you want to successfully get your boyfriend back… for good, it’s time to give up on those silly solutions that make better movies than real-life plans. You need to go after him honestly, seriously, authentically and definitely with dignity. If you do that, you stand a very good chance of getting him back in your life. Stop relying on cheap tricks. Cheap tricks will bring nothing but getting you odds be stacked tall against you. In the real world, you need to have a complete, genuine person. That’s what really increases your chances of getting back together with your ex.

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Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice, Breakup, Relationship 

When You Want Your Boyfriend Back, Who Should You Be Listening To?

December 1, 2008 | Leave a Comment

Dear Candice,

I want my boyfriend back. But don’t know what to do right now. My bestfriend told me not to, while my sister thought that if I really think my relationship deserve a second chance, i can take him back. I really don’t know what to do. Shall I just listen to my heart and don’t let other opinions spoil it? Please help, I’m almost over the edge. – Vivian (San Diego, CA)

Dear Vivian,

Everyone seems to have an opinion for you in the aftermath of your break up, that’s understandable. Most people you know would like to give you friendly advice, and it is beginning to stack up and the more of it you hear, the more confused you become. At a time like this, who should you be listening to?

I’ve been in the situation too. One friend told me that I’m better off without my ex and that I should try going out on a double date with her and her boyfriend’s colleague. Another friend says that she’s been through this before and that I’ll start to feel better in time. My mom told me to get over it in a hurry and not to let one bad experience with one guy waste so much of my time. My little brother, yes even my younger brother, he wants me to get together with my ex because my ex was his basketball buddy. I have another acquaintance who told me to do whatever it takes to get him back immediately, just to prove that I can. There are a lot of opinions out there. And yes, the more we expose ourselves to them… the harder it gets to decide.

That’s right, it’s time to start tuning out all of the outside wisdom and to look into your heart for direction. A thorough and completely honest self-assessment of the situation is more likely to yield an appropriate series of answers than anything you will hear from those around you. This is the time to use a tried and true cliché… the time to listen to your heart.

There’s no other person in the world, but you, who understands the nature and depth of your feelings for ex boyfriend. No one, but you, knows how the relationship made you feel. There is no one better-situated to interpret the context of your relationship and the events that may have led up to your break up. These are the obvious reasons why you should trust your own judgment as you think about whether or not to get your ex boyfriend back. After all, there’s only one person who can make the decision. That person is you.

Some outside advice will make you feel better… temporarily. Others can be helpful and will give you perspective or new ways to look at the situation. It can’t, however, answer the big questions for you. So, as nice as it would be to have someone come forward with all the answers, the only person who can really help you is you.

If the end result is a decision to leave the relationship behind, so be it. If, on the other way around, your heart is screaming out loud for you to take action, it is time for you to listen. It’s time to take action and get your ex boyfriend back. It’s also an absolute time for some soul-searching. You need to thoroughly think about the situation and pay close attention to what your heart is telling you.

You might be able to find a gist of wisdom in everyone’s perspective. However, in the end there is only one person whose counsel you should heed. The person who best understands your feelings, the nature of your relationship, and what is really best for you. No one else… but you.

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Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice, Breakup, Relationship