There Are Things You Don’t Need To Do When Getting Your Boyfriend Back

November 26, 2008 | 1 Comment

Dear Candice,

Just ended my relationship over a month ago, now I realized that he was the best thing that happened to me. And I definitely would do anything to get him back. I emailed him, asked him out for a dinner. He responded, but said that it’s not the time. Does sending him an email wrong? Please tell me what to do and what not to do. – Sincerely, Simone (NY)

Dear Simone,

In an effort to rebuild a relationship after a breakup, there are a lot of things you can do. Perhaps some of them are smart and produce results. However, more often than not, some don’t accomplish much of anything. They can actually cause damage and make the process of getting your ex back more difficult.

Let’s look at a few things you don’t need to do when you are in pursuit of your ex. These things are common behaviors that fail to assist in the rebuilding process and that you should be very happy to avoid. Women who fall into these mistakes almost always wish they hadn’t!

I know that in the face of a break up, the instinctive thing to do is to change yourself in a way that you think he’ll find appealing. You want get his attention that is why you want to be appealing, at least for him. But, seriously, you don’t need to change yourself. That instinct, however, is dead wrong.

Attempting to make superficial changes to yourself, won’t really make much of a difference to him. Your ex knows you well, so he can easily determine if you are making drastic moves to get him back. Changes in fashion and appearance are the kind of skin-deep moves that don’t really have an impact on him as you try to get back together. This move does nothing, but sends a message that you are desperate. And nothing is less attractive than looking needy or desperate.

Making major life changes does not only sends a message of desperation in the attempt of getting your ex boyfriend back. It also conveys to your ex that perhaps there is something very wrong with you. How great can you be if you’re constantly trying to re-invent yourself anyway?

You may be able to “fake it” for a while, but it will become obvious that your changes were an effort at gaming him in the long run. Sooner or later, your ex will find out that those are not a real reflection of who you are. Making those changes also usually fails to work because they aren’t consistent with who you really are. That certainly mitigates any potential strategic value of changing yourself.

To be honest is important to successfully rebuild your relationship. If you try to become something that you aren’t, you are being unkind both to yourself and to him. That kind of behavior constitutes an effort to rebuild your romance based on a foundation of dishonesty. There is no way that a relationship will flourish when it’s based on lies. There are some women who are lucky enough to get their exes back using those silly techniques, but another breakup followed after.

Trying to transform yourself into someone you are not is one of the things you don’t need to do to get your ex back. There are many tempting possibilities that just don’t pay off in the long run. But, there are also many positive things you can do to help you get your ex boyfriend back.

Don’t try to get him back with tricks… you can do better than that. You can get your boyfriend back legitimately without compromising your own integrity. Stay honest, decent and direct. That’s the best way to rebuild a relationship and get your ex back into your life.

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Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice, Breakup, Relationship 

A Serious Action Is Needed To Get Your Ex Back

November 10, 2008 | Leave a Comment

Dear Candice,

Me and my boyfriend broke up 3 months ago, he broke up with me . I miss him a lot and I want him back. I’ve been trying to befriend him but it didn’t work. I also tried getting him back but it just pushed him farther away from me. At this point I think that I can’t do anything but to hope that things will get better in time. I’m really positive about it. I know love will find a way, I just don’t know when? – Jen, your old friend (from South Carolina)

Dear Jen,

Glad to hear from you. This might sound harsh, but it’s the hard, cold fact of the matter. Do not spend your time worrying and mourning your break up and wish for happier days to come back. Waiting for him to have a change of heart is definitely not the key to get him back into your life. If you want him back, you need to get busy and start following a smart plan designed to to make it happen as soon as you possibly can. Get yourself together and take action. If you get started taking action now, your odds of success will be considerably higher.

If you want to get your ex boyfriend back, taking action is absolutely essential. However, one thing is certain… taking action to rebuild a relationship can be really hard, especially during the emotionally raw days after a break up. But, if you know deep in your heart that you want him back, you have the responsibility to make it happen.

Yes, there is some remote possibility that things will work out on their own. That undoubtedly happens on some rare occasions. It’s even possible that he might alter his perspective after time passes and will then try to re-initiate your relationship. You must consider, however, what will happen if luck isn’t on your side. Where will that leave you? It certainly won’t be back in his arms.

You’ve mentioned, “love will find a way”. This may be true but the catch is… love will need your help to reach its final destination. Positive thinking, faith, hope and being wishful in your sentiments are all fine. They’re all good things. And definitely a forward-thinking attitude will help you get through the situation. But all these good attitude alone, won’t get you even close towards winning your ex back.

You said that you are unhappy about the break up. Now, take your time and aswer these questions. What have you done to reverse the breakup? What have you done to get him back so far? If your answer is “not that much” or “nothing at all”, it’s time to change your perspective and direction. It’s time to take serious action to get your ex boyfriend back. Definitely, it’s time to talk the talk and walk the walk.

There are a lot of people out there who have figured out a way to make relationships work and successfuly revived a seemingly hopeless relationship. You should sink your teeth into that valuable information and use it to help you move forward, actively, in your pursuit of your ex boyfriend. This only means that when you start to put your hands on a solid plan that will guide you through the process, you certainly can get your ex back in your life after a break up.

Always keep this in mind. You need to take serious, smart and coordinated action to get your ex back. That’s the only way to maximize your chances in rebuilding your relationship with your ex. If your heart is already screaming at you to go get your ex back. It’s about time to listen.

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Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice, Breakup, Relationship 

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