The Makings of An Unhappy Rebound Relationship
December 18, 2008 | 1 Comment
“don’t know that is always so empowering to get your ex back – sometimes there’s a good reason why they’re your EX!” — healthy_you.
Got this comment a couple of days ago. Yes, she may be right, it’s not all about getting your boyfriend back, at all.
When you consider rebuilding your relationship with your ex, you’ve got to know the signals of a future, unhappy rebound relationship. You may hit the jackpot, that dream relationship everyone hopes to have is yours again. He remained to be a supportive, sensitive partner who understands where you’re coming from. He’s a good listener who lightens your moments of fear and despair, while joining you in a good and much needed laugh and giggles. Your ex boyfriend stood by you, no matter what happened in the past. This relationship is characterized by a reciprocal caring and a positive outlook. This is a very lucky situation indeed, a good start down the road to a long and happy rebound relationship.
Life is ambiguous, as some would say. Full of complex and difficult problem. In one way or another, trouble is guaranteed to find you, before you actually go looking for it. That’s why most people are searching for some degree of personal happiness. Many people luckily found their happiness in an ethical manner with their special someone.
However, some may enter into a relationship wearing the proverbial rose colored glasses. They are those desperate for another human being to understand them and stand by them in times of trouble. They might even attribute worthy characteristics to an unworthy ex boyfriend. It’s easy to fall prey to a relationship when you’re lonely, but sooner or later, that’s bound for trouble. This is a the making for an unhappy rebound relationship.
Being emotionally needy will put you up with just about anything that individual wants to throw your way, for the sake of a false sense of emotional security. There’s definitely something wrong with this picture. The product of emotional desperation and a negative approach to life is always unhappy relationships.
So, can you exactly determine if it’s good or bad to get your ex back? Unhappy rebound relationships tend to evolve over time. That sweetheart of yesterday may turn into tomorrow’s nightmare. So, what are the telltale signs?
In most cases, unhappy rebound relationships begin with unhappy people. Let us say you are the one who’s optimist, hoping to ‘fix’ the partner with a negative outlook. While your ex boyfriend is negative person, he may be intelligent or good looking, but his negative attitude will eventually permeate the entire relationship. Try to recall how your ex responded to adversity.
Everyone becomes annoyed or discouraged every now and then. So, you shouldn’t base your conclusion on occasional ‘waking up at the wrong side of the bed’ days. However, when every adversity is met with negativity, whining and other self-pitying techniques, this is when you should seriously reevaluate rebuilding the relationship.
If this person is perfect for you in every other way, try reforming the behavior before you just move on to happier pastures. This should be frank talk. Talk about how negativity seems to color the relationship. You can try to manage example situations as they crop up. Counter the negative with a positive alternative.
No one deserves to suffer an unhappy relationship, particularly when there are plenty of people with a positive focus trying to rebuild one. If your efforts result in madness, without any real communication happening, your best option is to realize that some people actually enjoy being unhappy. Life is too short to waste years being unhappy, so why rebuild?
What You See On Television Is Not The Right Approach To Get Your Ex Back
December 17, 2008 | 1 Comment
This post is for Cherry, Amanda, Diane and Tami. The four ladies share the same story. They all have been trying to get their exes back using the ‘television or movie approach’ – an approach that the woman goes through a series of straightforward steps designed to get him back. Now, let me tell you why that approach is definitely not applicable in reality.
Probably, the ‘getting a new hairstyle… putting on more makeup… smiling more’ approach, is the most popular approach that you can see on television or in movies. You may also call it as the ‘sporting a new look’ approach. Does she look a little thinner or like she might be in better shape? That’s all part of the story. She’s been making her gym times regularly in hopes of becoming the woman he really wants.
Yes, most of the time, that’s the way they do it. We can also be rational about it. Like we are just pampering ourselves or so. But deep inside you, you know what really motivates you to do such things – silly. We also throw in a few ridiculous schemes. Maybe a jealousy trap of some sort. You get the idea girls, right?
‘Art imitates reality’ as some would say. That might be the case here, too. Those who wrote the story for the movie or an episode that you’ve recently watched are, after all, real people too. And yes, we see it all the time in real life. Shortly after a break up, the woman appears. She’s eating less, working out more, wearing shorter skirts and sporting new highlights in her hair. She’s putting herself together for maximum attractiveness, hoping that her efforts will persuade her ex boyfriend to take a second chance on their relationship.
However, there is one distinction between the television/movie approach and real life. On the tube, those superficial little plans actually pay off. The woman gets her boyfriend back and they live happily ever after. In reality , it rarely looks that way. That superficial little plans actually pay off too in the real world, but the ending is not exactly living happily ever after. More often that not, another break up follows immediately after a week or two. Worst case scenario is when the guy recognizes the desperation and sees right through the efforts. He was your boyfriend, definitely he knows that you’re trying to get him back and he isn’t playing along.
Guys are often repulsed by the very scent of desperation! If you are trying to get hi back with cheap tricks, you might want to reconsider. You can only keep up an act so long, and making wholesale changes in hopes of winning back your boyfriend won’t last long enough to be effective.
If you want to successfully get your boyfriend back… for good, it’s time to give up on those silly solutions that make better movies than real-life plans. You need to go after him honestly, seriously, authentically and definitely with dignity. If you do that, you stand a very good chance of getting him back in your life. Stop relying on cheap tricks. Cheap tricks will bring nothing but getting you odds be stacked tall against you. In the real world, you need to have a complete, genuine person. That’s what really increases your chances of getting back together with your ex.
Break Ups Are Optional – Yes It Is!
December 15, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Dear Candice,
I’ve been reading your posts and you often times said that ‘break ups are optional’ and ‘break ups don’t need to be permanent’… I know for a fact that rebuilding a relationship is difficult, I’ve tried rebuilding one once. I would love to try again. But how can I make it right this time? Is it really optional? – Dolores (Saint Louis, Missouri)
Dear Dolores,
Many women experience unwanted break ups and mistakenly believe that they must live with the results. It happens way too often. Many women, including myself and my bestfriend, simply accept the fact that the relationship ended. We did not do anything to fight for what we know to be right. We’ll never know how many potentially amazing and wonderful relationships have died in unnecessary break ups.
Break ups are optional? I was once skeptic too. But I’ve thought about the evidence out there, that we don’t really have to break up if we don’t want to do so. There are, in fact, wonderful relationships that went through tough times too. Those relationships became strong relationships.
Do you know a couple with great long-term relationships? If so, dig about their history. You might be surprised to find out that many of those great relationships went “on the rocks” at one point or another. Those relationships have experienced full and all-out break ups too.
And if you dig more, you’ll be able to know that there’s only one secret why they have such great relationship — They thrive to survive until today! What does that mean to you? It seems like pretty solid evidence that it is possible to get your ex boyfriend back and to start rebuilding your relationship. Others have done it already. For sure, more and more will do it in the future.
And this one is a breakthrough – only one person took action and did just that. One person who was so determined to get an ex back. You can do that for your relationship.
We should also consider the expert analysis that’s been poured into this topic over the years. Experts in human behavior, psychology and relationships have noted that it is possible to take particular actions that will result in an increased likelihood of getting back together with an ex.
These relationship gurus have compiled their proven techniques into detailed blueprints anyone can use to get an ex boyfriend back. The idea that you have to just accept the end of a relationship in which you believe just doesn’t make much sense in light of that. Just read what others have said about using these plans to successfully reignite the flames of passion. These strategies are proven and they help people get back together with exes every single day.
Bottom line is, break ups really are optional when you have the right information. If you want to be together, and your heart echoes that sentiment, listen to your heart and just make it happen. You can get your ex boyfriend back. In the final analysis, break ups are optional – yes it is!
Prepare Yourself Before Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
December 12, 2008 | 1 Comment
Dear Candice,
Me and my ex broke up 2 months ago and I still can’t stop thinking about him, it’s driving me crazy. I still love him so much. I’ve tried to get her out of my mind but I can’t because I’m still hoping that we can still get back with each other. Will it be easy to do it? What do I need to do before getting him back? – Brianna
Dear Brianna,
Getting your boyfriend back after a break up is a situation that can be handled correctly. But this is not possible without the use of the right approach and strategy to rebuild the relationship. There’s a comprehensive blueprint available that you can actually follow to secure your ex again. However, there are few things that you’ll need to take before you start trying out various approaches to get your ex boyfriend back.
What you need to do is to prepare yourself. Preparedness and willingness to take action is the critical first step to getting back together with your ex. Let me tell you that a lot of potentially fantastic relationship have died in unnecessary break ups. This is because neither of involved failed to take action. No one stepped forward. They have their own reasons: fear, pride, exhaustion or something else. Without them realizing that the failure to act doomed their partnership.
Now, the question is… how? First, you’ll need to commit yourself to your goal wholeheartedly. You’ll need to do some soul-searching and make sure that you want him back in your life and you’ll then want to follow that up with finding the motivation necessary to take consistent, serious action. Once you have done that, you can move on to the second prerequisite to getting your man back — a plan.
What sort of plan? You will need a good plan that is indispensable as you work to revive your relationship. If you operate purely on hunches, guesswork and a “fly by the night” mindset of yours, it will be exceedingly difficult to get him back. Rebuilding a relationship requires more than just a willingness to act, it requires the right actions, too. A good plan will provide you an outlet for the action while giving you the confidence that will help inspire to do even more action.
Good thing is, there’s no reason to fly blind on this one. There are relationship experts and gurus who, in their own lives, have made it work and figured out what makes relationships thump. They know the tricks and approaches that can take almost any couple from breaking up to making up in short order. They’ve compiled some wonderful resources that you can use as a blueprint for winning your ex boyfriend back.
Preparedness will put you in an excellent position to re-initiate your relationship. So, before making a phone call and before you even smile in his direction, you need to have these, seriously — commitment and a plan. You need a complete willingness and preparedness to take action and commit to it. And a good plan, to help direct that action.
How Hard Is It To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
December 10, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Dear Candice,
I am currently in pursuit of my ex. Of course, it was hard to broke up with him. But what’s more harder is to convince him rebuild our relationship. What about making up? Why rebuilding a relationship after a break up difficult? – Dynah
Dear Dynah,
There are a lot of possible circumstances and answers to your questions. However, there are few general observations we can make about the difficulty involved in rebuilding a relationship. Those questions defy easy answers for the obvious reason that individual circumstances can be radically different. A sudden break up in a diversely healthy relationship, for instance, is a far cry from an extended period apart between two people who didn’t yet know each other that well.
You’ve experienced how hard it is to get your ex boyfriend back. But it probably isn’t as hard as you might think! In fact, it might be easier than you’d imagine.
Look, there’s no way around it. Getting back together with an ex is going to require some major effort. Something was happening that led the two of you quit. Your break up didn’t materialize magically out of thin air, even if it feels that way. Whatever that was, it will create a barrier you’ll need to bowled-over. You really can’t just hope to snap your fingers and have him back at your side again instantly. You definitely can’t get your ex back overnight. You might not even get him at your first try.
That is because the human heart and mind aren’t impossible to understand. And they are also complicated enough to defy magically quick solutions. Thus, putting forth an effort to get him back is what you need. This is bad news, but you do not need to worry though. Because good news comes in two-fold.
The first good news it that it won’t be as hard as you might think. As long as you’re willing to take action and to follow good advice, you can probably get your ex back much more quickly and with greater ease than you might imagine. The getting back together process is very time-consuming and difficult sometimes. However, it is relatively fast and painless for others. In almost all cases, though, it is possible.
The second good news is that the benefits of getting back together make the effort worthwhile. The time and energy you’ll spend can be the greatest personal investment of your life. The pay off is an enormous thing that it makes any level of effort completely worthwhile. If you believe in your heart that the two of you are special and that your relationship definitely deserves a second chance, the odds are that the advantages of being together will swamp the annoyances of getting over the break up.
So, how hard is it to get your boyfriend back? Will it be really hard? Perhaps, perhaps not. It will require some effort. Overall, though, it probably will be easier than you think and the advantages will make the process of getting your boyfriend back well worth your time and energy.
Candice Garcia’s and Curtis Daniel’s Blog
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