Keep It Cool While You Are In The Process Of Getting Your Ex Back

February 25, 2009 | 1 Comment

Getting your ex back is certainly not as easy as 1-2-3. As per my experience, you must have these three things to successfully get your boyfriend back: determination, willingness to act and a good approach. I did not get him back in a short period of time. In fact, while I was in the process of getting him back there were idle moments. Moments in between the point of actual breakup and the point of finally getting back together.

While you are in the process of getting your ex back, you may see your ex somewhat indifferent. Although you have this feeling that the situation is passive, it is important to play it simple and keep it cool. Keeping the situation cool will definitely not ruin your chance… in fact, more often than not, it increases your chances to get your ex back.

No break up is pleasant, so is waiting for your ex to return your call after asking him to give your relationship another chance. However, the manner on how you deal with the situation will have significant impact on your attitude and outlook on relationships, romantic or not. Of course, you can always cry your eyes out during those times, but a far better option is to vow to yourself to be a cool ex whenever you see him again. Here are some “post-breakup while getting your ex back” scenarios and how to keep it cool.

Your ex with another girl. A common friend has invited you both to a party. It’s been two months since he broke it off with you and a week after your email asking him for a possibility of getting back together. Suddenly you saw him with a lady you don’t recognize. To keep it cool, do not play games and try to make him jealous. Instead, hold your head high, walk over to them, introduce yourself and wish them well.

Mom is in touch with your ex still. When you two were together, you enjoyed a close relationship with your family. However, when you broke up, your mom is still in touch your ex, talking to him over the phone and having him around during special occasions. This scenario is actually an advantage for you, but if you act on it in an uncool way, you can ruin your chance to get your ex back. If you are hurting because your ex won’t return your call but he often speaks with your mom, talk to your mom and tell her what you feel. She might be able to help you convince your ex for a rebound relationship.

You are chilling at the park with Bruce, the dog your ex bought for you. Then suddenly, you see your ex walking toward you. To keep it cool, be polite and make a small talk. Limit your talk about Bruce, and how your ex has been doing. Do not try to ignite unnecessary conflict by trying to change agreement over pet custody.

You definitely do not have control on how your ex would deal with a “post-breakup while getting your ex back” scenario, but you can try to deal with it with your integrity in tact. It’s not an enjoyable situation but it is such a learning experience or an opportunity for you to grow, if you’ll think this way you’ll absolutely feel better. Be graceful when handling the process of getting your ex back.

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Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice, Breakup, Relationship 

The Kind Of Woman Who Can Get An Ex Boyfriend Back Is Someone Like You

January 5, 2009 | 2 Comments

Dear Candice,

Me and my boyfriend broke up. The day after, my friend and her boyfriend broke up. We both want to get our exes back, but we both don’t know how and where to turn to then. The next thing I knew was that my friend and her ex were an item again. I’m clueless. What kind of woman can do that? What type of person has that kind of influence and power? What does it really take to get an ex boyfriend back? — Frida (San Carlos, CA)

Dear Frida,

Some women think that only a supermodel with flawless skin, shiny hair, drop-dead gorgeous looks and a wardrobe to die for, can get her ex back. She’s probably wealthy, or powerful, or… hold it now! Do you really think that only this kind of woman can snap her finger and have any man running back to her side? Can be, but not for long.

Sure, our hypothetical character might be able to make up after a break up. However, more after than not, an immediate break up follows right after the make up. If you want to see the kind of woman who can get her ex boyfriend back, you just need to find the nearest mirror.

Your friend took action. Your friend probably have found and used a good approach to get an ex back. You can get your boyfriend back too Frida. In fact, anyone can get her boyfriend back. Long legs, large breasts, bedroom eyes, wealth, success… these are relatively meaningless. Getting your ex back is a matter of planning and effort. Nothing more, nothing less. That’s all it takes to have a rebound relationship.

In the aftermath of a break up, we sometimes denigrate ourselves a bit. Wondering if we’re pretty enough, good enough or smart enough to get our boyfriend back. We find ourselves wrapped in doubt.

During these trying times, we end up putting ourselves in a rough spot. If you want to get your ex back you simply must find a way out. You won’t rebuild your relationship by waiting, mourning and wondering about your value as a person. Questioning your self-esteem won’t make you more interesting to him. Hoping for the best is a recipe for disaster.

Frida, you are the kind of woman who can get your ex boyfriend back. Your friend can be an inspiration, definitely she is. What you need to do now is to set your mind to the task and put forth a well-planned effort. If you do, you can get your man again.

As for that mystery woman with everything going her way, who knows if she has it in her to get her ex back. Does she have what it takes? The commitment? The plan? Without it, she’s just a gorgeous, powerful, wealthy woman who may be wishing she could get her man back.

When I was in pursuit of my ex, I’ve casted doubts aside. I chose and started to get busy with the project of rebuilding my relationship way back then, seriously. If you’re spending more time worrying and wondering rather than being proactive, it’s time to shift gears. Let me tell you one more time — you can get your man back. Love can find a way, it just needs you to help it out a little bit… be its map.

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Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice, Breakup, Relationship 

Understanding Men Is Necessary To Get Your Boyfriend Back

December 4, 2008 | 1 Comment

Dear Candice,

Me and my boyfriend broke up and now I want to revive the relationship. The problem is, just like other people here, I just don’t know what to do. And what’s more complicating is that I don’t think we speak the same language. We have so many differences, what if the idea of reviving our relationship is one of them? – Mitch (Scottsdale, Arizona) 

Dear Mitch,

You and your boyfriend do not speak the same language? Here’s my take — Literally? Definitely, not correct. You and your boyfriend can communicate with each other right? — Figuratively? Still, not correct! Believing on it, can be really frustrating. How can you possibly connect with him if it seems that you are living in two different world?

When I was in pursuit of my ex, I’ve sought advice from famous relationship gurus. According to one guru, men are from the planet Mars. And another one claims the one you’ve mentioned here, that men and women just don’t speak the same languages. There’s a school of thought that argues that the male and female minds are hardwired differently — that we’re basically different species.

So, how are you supposed to get your ex boyfriend back when you can’t even begin to understand him? Seems like a long shot to me. How are you supposed to forge a partnership with some crazy creature from another world? Yikes! It just isn’t a very promising situation in which to be.

Bridging a gap like that is not an easy way, right? Wrong! The answer is actually quite easy. Talk to him like a person. Simply because he is a person too. All that talk of different species and aliens from outer space is complete and utter nonsense. I’ve proven that men, despite being weird occasionally, are definitely human beings.

You see, they aren’t that different compared to us. We often mistakingly assume that we are not alike — And that’s where the problem sets in. Men want the same things we do. In fact, if you were to go down a list of important things with your ex boyfriend you’d probably find that most of both lists were identical.

That, however, doesn’t mean that there aren’t slight differences. There are. These are more a matter of prioritizing goals and longings and far less about being radically different from one another.

Your ex boyfriend is probably from your hometown, your state, your country, and he is definitely from your world — the same world women hail from, by the way. They can definitely communicate with you if you make the effort to communicate with them. So, men aren’t from Mars.

I was once failed to get back together with my ex, because I declined to believe that we are just the same. Thought of so many unrealistic male stereotypes. This patronizing approach certainly isn’t attractive and it generally fails to produce a real connection.

So, if you want to get your ex boyfriend back, you will need to understand those slight differences that separate you from him. More importantly, though, you’ll need to remain cognizant of the fact that your ex boyfriend is a full-fledged human being, just like you. You’ll be much, much closer to getting your boyfriend back once you accept that fact.

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Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice, Breakup, Relationship 

Get Your Ex Back – Yes, The Past Does Matter!

November 21, 2008 | Leave a Comment

Dear Candice,

I seriously made a mistake so my boyfriend broke up with me. I tried to win him back but he’s reluctant and doesn’t appreciate my efforts. I’m starting to lose hope. The cause of our break up is really not good, will there be a way to get him back without making him flip out on me like this? – Joan (somewhere in Massachusetts)

Dear Joan,

I wish I could tell you that the cause and nature of your break up won’t play any single role in your ability to get your ex boyfriend back, that would be hypocrisy. There are really some things that might influnce your ability to re-start the relationship.

Yes, the past does matter. However, it doesn’t necessarily need to control your future. The nature of your break up will surely have an impact on what it will take to get your boyfriend back in your life. The good news is, no matter what caused your break up, there are ways to get your ex back.

We can’t escape our pasts, but it doesn’t mean that we have to be slaves to it. The past is history, you definitely can’t do anything to alter it. What you do now and into the future is what you can control, and that’s going to determine if you get him back or not.

As you undergo the process of trying to rebuild the partnership, it will be very difficult for your ex to instantly receive you with open arms. That’s particularly true if the break up is largely the outgrowth of some indiscretion or misbehavior on your part. That is also true if you’ve been untrustworthy, dishonest or uncaring in the relationship.

The nature of your relationship prior to the break up will also be relevant. If your ex boyfriend feels as he was always on the short end of the stick and feels that he’s not being well loved in return, it might be more difficult to rebuild the relationship. You must realize that sometimes a relationship is great for one person, and just average for the other. Some relationships are good for one party and horrible for the other.

It’s definitey understandable if a man is reluctant to get back together with a woman. This happens if his last interactions with your ex were something approximating vicious, thus causing him to hate you. And even if the break up didn’t stem from anything you did, it can still be tougher to get your ex boyfriend back, this happens if the parting was particularly nasty or ugly. It’s reasonable.

But then again, let me tell you that we don’t need to let the past govern our future. No matter what happened before, you can still get your ex boyfriend back. Yes, you might have to work harder to rebuild the relationship based on some aspects of your past, but you can still get back together with one another.

You can’t change what you did in the past. You’ve wounded someone’s heart… sure thing the wound will heal in time, but the scar will still remain. People can always forgive… but not all can forget. There’s no way to erase what happened “back then”, but what you do from today onwards is completely up to you! And that’s more important.

Everything that happened “before” will matter. The extent to which it matters will be determined by the details. Regardless, though, none of it can stand in your way. If you are completely convinced that you and your ex boyfriend need to take another chance and deserving of that love, there’s a way to make it happen. Stop worrying about the past and start working now to build a great future.

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Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice, Breakup, Relationship 

If You Want To Get Your Ex Back, Does It Matter If He Wants You Back?

November 5, 2008 | Leave a Comment

Dear Candice,

I think I really pushed my boyfriend away with my jealousy. I broke up with him because I was jealous on his good relations with his friends at work. It’s been 2 months now and I really want to get him back. But what if he doesn’t want to anymore? Does it matter if my ex wants me back too? -  Rachel (Bloomington, Indiana)

Dear Rachel,

Yes, it does matter if your ex boyfriend wants you back. But that doesn’t mean that you will put down your own chances just because he has no plans of getting you back. Whether your ex wants you back or not, you can still get him back. The answer hinges on your willingness to put forth an exceptional effort in the face of difficult odds and in your own personal sense of ethics and morality.

The answer is actually a little more complicated than what you might think. Here’s what I mean. You can get your boyfriend back whether he really has thoughts about reuniting or not. This happens very often. A guy who’s completely sure that he wants out of a relationship for good is persuaded to give it another shot. In some sense, it doesn’t matter if he’s excited about getting back together again or not. If you want him back… you certainly can, but you need to use the right plan – that’s what matters.

Before you come up to a right plan, you should consider these factors to effectively get your ex boyfriend back.

Put forth an exception effort. The less interested your ex boyfriend is in rebuilding the relationship, the more difficult it will be to get him back. Thus, on some level, his interest does matter. If your ex boyfriend is dead set against ever laying eyes on you again, you need to put forth an almost Herculean effort to rekindle your relationship. Keep this in mind, getting him back would be more difficult in this case, but absolutely not impossible.

Stop and check your motivations. You should stop to check your own motivations, if your ex boyfriend is bound and determined against getting together again. Efforts to re-initiate a relationship when one partner is dead set against it are, in most cases, motivated more by things like jealousy or to prove a point rather than nurturing true love. Now, if you are going after your ex just to prove something to him, for the sake of revenge or because you feel jealous… take a pause check your motivations.

Smart tactics and persuasive strategies will not work. Consider the ethics of getting your ex boyfriend back if he really doesn’t want to give the relationship a second chance. You might want to think about what he really wants and how your efforts fit into the picture, because using smart tactics and persuasive strategies might complicates the situation and totally ruin your chance to get your ex back.

Being sensitive on how your ex boyfriend feels about rebuilding your relationship is important. It will definitely make your work at re-starting the relationship easier if he’s an active participant! It also matters in terms of your own individual sense of responsibility. But it all boils down to one thing, whether your ex boyfriend is excited at the prospect of rebuilding your relationship again or not,you can get your ex boyfriend back. You certainly can go from breaking up to making up.

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Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice, Breakup, Relationship