Tapping the Wrong Approach Won’t Get Your Boyfriend Back

December 19, 2008 | 71 Comments

Dear Candice,

My boyfriend broke up with me, he said he is done fighting. I really want to work things out. It’s been five months, and I’m still waiting for his call. I followed some of my friends advice to get him back, but none worked. There are times that I can’t make up my mind? What shall I do? – Saddie

Dear Saddie,

From the way I see it, you tried to get your boyfriend back, but failed. You did not get him back because you’ve tapped the wrong approach. These common errors leave countless relationships for dead on the rocky shores of a break up. These are the kind of mistakes that ruin the opportunity to revive and maintain relationships that might have flowered into something really amazing. In other words, what you did are huge errors and you should bed over backwards to avoid committing them again.

Waiting for him to make the first move was your first mistake. While you’re waiting for him, he might be waiting for you. Until someone blinks, the relationship doesn’t get out of break up territory. Besides, every day wasted on waiting is another day of unnecessary suffering. Face your fears and make a move as soon as possible. Your odds to get your boyfriend back improve with fast action. It also delays risk intervening developments that can greatly complicate any effort at getting back together.

Everywhere you turn people, especially those who care for you, are offering you advice on how to handle your break up. Although the advice was from your friend, most of it you’re getting is nonsense. It may be well-intended, but the attitudes of your friends and family members bear very little similarity to the ideas and recommendations of a true relationship expert. Following bad advice can nearly crush an effort at making up. It is important to be wary of friendly guidance. Listen politely, but take your action cues from someone who has spent a considerable amount of time and research on getting an ex back.

You said that sometimes you can’t make up your mind. Well, let me tell you to please – get yourself together and make up your mind. Do you really want to get him back or not? Don’t get on the high wire without a net. If your plan is to get your boyfriend back, you need to enter the making up process with a clear plan in mind. If you’re going in blind, basing your actions on hunches and your opinions, you probably aren’t going to get very far.

Don’t worry. You can still get him back. Just keep from these common errors. You stand a good chance of getting your boyfriend back, just keep on trying. If, on the other hand, you stumble into one of these pitfalls again, your efforts to rebuild the relationship will be significantly compromised. Act now, act smart and cast your fears off. Having those fundamentals in place may take you from breaking up to making up in quick order.

Getting your ex boyfriend back can be surprisingly easy if you’re armed with the right information and knowledge before making a move. A good plan that does make sense. If you have a problem with your keys, you look to a locksmith for help, right? If you’re car won’t run right, you call a mechanic. So it does make sense to call on advice of a relationship guru who can give you good advice about getting your ex boyfriend back.

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Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice, Breakup, Relationship 

Take Charge Then Get Your Boyfriend Back

December 16, 2008 | Leave a Comment

Dear Candice,

After 3 years I broke up with my boyfriend because I thought that he was holding me back from a lot of things. I love him dearly and now I really want him back into my life. What can I do to get him back? – Kris

Dear Kris,

What you can do is to take a stand to preserve your relationship. You don’t really have to force yourself to accept an undesirable breakup. The decision to get an ex boyfriend back can be a step toward taking control of one’s life. And if you want to surely control your life — take charge!

Some people run their own lives, others let life happen to them. That’s true on a variety of levels, but we often see it when it comes to relationships and, particularly, to break ups. Many women experience break ups and just live with the outcome — even when they really want the relationship would continue.

I’ve been through a lot of breakups too. I used to accept and instill on my mind that breakup happens. Until I decided to take charge. I’ve realized that many break ups don’t really need to be permanent. In fact, you could persuasively argue that almost all break ups are optional. Relationships experience difficult times for a variety of reasons but in most cases a little concentrated effort can overcome the obstacle that led to the relationship being sidetracked.

Yes, breakup happens all the time. There are, in fact, countless happy couples out there who have gone through break ups. However, they reunited and emerged stronger, with a more fulfilled partnership. Almost all strong relationships undergo tough times at some point.

So, you are currently going through an unwanted break up and your in doubt entertaining the notion of getting your ex boyfriend back. Well, the fact that you are thinking about getting him back might lead you to verge of a personal breakthrough. It’s definitely empowering to confront your lousy reality and then transform it into a wonderful future.

More often than not, what separates those amazing success stories from the numerous failed relationships that probably deserved a second chance, was not a matter of luck. Rebuilding a relationship takes one person who’s willing to wake up and make a decision to make things work.

Take charge – rebound relationships don’t happen on their own. A man decided to visit his ex girlfriend. A woman decided to call an ex boyfriend. Someone decided not to throw it all away. Someone decided that the partnership was special and that it was worth stepping forward and making a move to rebuild it. There is always someone involved, someone who has the the ability and means to meet situations effectively, thus taking meaningful action.

If you don’t want the break up and you are sure that the two of you should continue seeing one another, you have the opportunity to stand up and fix things. You can be the person who takes action for your relationship. You can take action to get your ex boyfriend back. You can take control and rebuild your special relationship.

Contrast that with the alternative. The relationship drifts away and you never get a chance to make it work. You decide to let life happen to you instead of taking charge. Now, I’ll leave this all up to you. Which option sounds more fulfilling? More empowering?

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Posted by Candice | Filed Under Advice, Breakup, Relationship