When You Want Your Boyfriend Back, Who Should You Be Listening To?
December 1, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Dear Candice,
I want my boyfriend back. But don’t know what to do right now. My bestfriend told me not to, while my sister thought that if I really think my relationship deserve a second chance, i can take him back. I really don’t know what to do. Shall I just listen to my heart and don’t let other opinions spoil it? Please help, I’m almost over the edge. – Vivian (San Diego, CA)
Dear Vivian,
Everyone seems to have an opinion for you in the aftermath of your break up, that’s understandable. Most people you know would like to give you friendly advice, and it is beginning to stack up and the more of it you hear, the more confused you become. At a time like this, who should you be listening to?
I’ve been in the situation too. One friend told me that I’m better off without my ex and that I should try going out on a double date with her and her boyfriend’s colleague. Another friend says that she’s been through this before and that I’ll start to feel better in time. My mom told me to get over it in a hurry and not to let one bad experience with one guy waste so much of my time. My little brother, yes even my younger brother, he wants me to get together with my ex because my ex was his basketball buddy. I have another acquaintance who told me to do whatever it takes to get him back immediately, just to prove that I can. There are a lot of opinions out there. And yes, the more we expose ourselves to them… the harder it gets to decide.
That’s right, it’s time to start tuning out all of the outside wisdom and to look into your heart for direction. A thorough and completely honest self-assessment of the situation is more likely to yield an appropriate series of answers than anything you will hear from those around you. This is the time to use a tried and true cliché… the time to listen to your heart.
There’s no other person in the world, but you, who understands the nature and depth of your feelings for ex boyfriend. No one, but you, knows how the relationship made you feel. There is no one better-situated to interpret the context of your relationship and the events that may have led up to your break up. These are the obvious reasons why you should trust your own judgment as you think about whether or not to get your ex boyfriend back. After all, there’s only one person who can make the decision. That person is you.
Some outside advice will make you feel better… temporarily. Others can be helpful and will give you perspective or new ways to look at the situation. It can’t, however, answer the big questions for you. So, as nice as it would be to have someone come forward with all the answers, the only person who can really help you is you.
If the end result is a decision to leave the relationship behind, so be it. If, on the other way around, your heart is screaming out loud for you to take action, it is time for you to listen. It’s time to take action and get your ex boyfriend back. It’s also an absolute time for some soul-searching. You need to thoroughly think about the situation and pay close attention to what your heart is telling you.
You might be able to find a gist of wisdom in everyone’s perspective. However, in the end there is only one person whose counsel you should heed. The person who best understands your feelings, the nature of your relationship, and what is really best for you. No one else… but you.
Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back Can Be An Empowering Act
November 14, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Dear Candice,
I started dating this guy three months ago. Our relationship went well over a couple of months. But all of a sudden, he seems to be not interested anymore. He’s not returning my calls. And now, he totally pulled away. I want to get him back but I don’t have all the guts of doing so. I’m not conservative but i guess not that too liberated as well. I don’t know what to do now. Need help. - Karla (San Francisco, CA)
Dear Karla,
It is true that trying to convince a man to rebuild a broken relationship or even the idea of a woman going after a man, might seem unusual with our more feminist instincts. It is something like a gal bending over backwards for a guy that rubs a lot of us the wrong way, there is really something about this notion. Chasing after your ex boyfriend might seem a little inconsistent with what you usually consider liberating or empowering behavior.
You are in doubt because you probably do not know yet your reasons for getting him back. If you’re afteryour ex because you’re afraid to be without a man or because you feel like you simply must have that security blanket of a boyfriend, the criticisms do hold some weight. In reality, though, getting your ex boyfriend back in your life can be an empowering act. It’s all a matter of motivation.
It is indeed an empowering act if your reason to get him back is that you believe that the two of you are good together. Getting your ex back can also be emporing if you want to get him back because you have decided that you don’t need to be fate’s doormat. Getting your ex back can be an impressive display or emotional strength and determination, worthy of respect and adoration.
There’s nothing positive or strong about being sad, moping, and accepting the loss of something that you could get back if you wanted to do so. If you really want to get your ex boyfriend back, there’s nothing more smart and liberating than taking action. Take action to solve the undesirable break up.
Women who take action to get their guys back share a few things in common. They have the guts to take a difficult situation along the way. They have the power of their convictions and demonstrate a willingness to take a stand for something that really matters to them. They challenge the conventional idea of the “weak girl”, thus demonstrating that their action-oriented approach is a powerful way of reaching their goals.
Those things sound empowering to me. If you think about it, it’s probably one of the more empowering things a woman can do. And you can do this too Karla, for your own happiness and for the man that is worth fighting for.
You see, it isn’t so much a matter of “chasing after a guy” or trying to do whatever it takes to appeal to a man. When you consider the context and the stakes, it seems silly to worry if you’re reinforcing some sort of societal perspective about the nature of relationships. What really matters is making yourself happy. That might just involve doing what it takes to get back together. Remember, this is about love and your future.
If you want your ex boyfriend back, go get him. Rebuilding the relationship is cetainly not that easy, but possible… undoubtedly by meaningful and empowering actions. If the only thing stopping you from going after your ex is some vague sense that you’d be selling yourself out or humiliating yourself by chasing a guy, you must think again. This could be the kind of bold move generally reserved for the strongest people.
Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back Without The Silliness
November 13, 2008 | 1 Comment
Dear Candice,
I’ve been planning my moves to get my ex boyfriend back. I actually bought a new wardrobe to somewhat change how I look. I’m also planning to change my hairstyle and get into bowling because I’ve heard from his friends that he’s into bowling nowadays. Are these the right ways to get my ex boyfriend back? – Jaz (Asheville, N Carolina)
Dear Jaz,
I understand what you are up to and I’ve seen it myself. Some women who decided to get their ex boyfriends back is amazing. And thinking how far these women can go to win their ex boyfriends back is even more amazing, and yes… silly. In fact, I’ve been there. A couple break ups and I decided to rebuild the relationship. I’ve embarked on a journey to get my man back that involves all sorts of certainly crazy behavior.
Now, let me tell you my story to help you settle the matter. At one point, I’ve decided to change my looks after a breakup. My brunette-head suddenly turned into platinum blond with a new haircut. Thanks to my stylist and the tanning salon. I also seriously became a bird who barely eats in an effort to lose a few pounds from being an athletic person with a normal appetite. I knew for a fact that I look strange and uncomfortable in my own skin then. But I’ve fooled no one.
All at once, I tried to change my personality. I became submissive, accommodating and sugary sweet whenever my ex boyfriend is within a half-mile. I’ve totally shifted my interests, and my behavior changes radically. My friends told me that they can actually see right through the bogus attempt to reinvent myself, but I didn’t care at all. And guess what?, my ex boyfriend didn’t care too. I’ve fooled no one.
After the break up I started wearing miniskirts and skin-tight tops to get my ex boyfriend’s attention. I’ve made a few heads turn, but not my ex boyfriend. He was not interested at all. Added to that, I’ve put up fake jealousy traps. I lied, plot a story and told everybody farfetched stories.
They’re all intended to revive my relationship, but as far as I can recall, they’ve done nothing but drove a wedge between me and my ex boyfriend. I’ve tried to maneuver things to get him back. But, none of it worked. I knew some people who are lucky and were able to get their man back using those crazy methods, but it was just a temporary fix and another break up followed very quickly.
It’s no way to get a boyfriend back, is it?
The only strategy that really makes sense is one based on decency, honesty, trust and sincerity. It might not be as alluring and it may not have little tricks or built-in short cuts, but it works. In fact, it works much better than going nuts in a foolish attempt to recreate key aspects of your life and personality!
I’ve realized my mistakes. I’ve learned from it, unfortunately, the hard way. Getting your man back without the silliness will allow you to get through the break up and back into the relationship with your dignity and pride intact. Most importantly, perhaps, it works. Not just in the short run, but over the long haul, too. Getting your ex back honestly lays a solid foundation from which the renewed relationship can grow and prosper.
If you love him and you want him back you can get the job done without the silliness. Don’t think about dying your hair, inventing lies or trying to pretend that you’re someone you are not. Getting your ex boyfriend back without the silliness works. It sure is!
Don’t Let Your Insecurities Stop You To Get Him Back
November 12, 2008 | 1 Comment
Dear Candice,
I still love my ex boyfriend, and I definitely want him back. But what if he says “no”? What if I’m embarrassed or humiliated? What if I’m forced to admit to my own mistakes? What if he’s not interested at all? These questions are bugging me. If only I have the courage to do this. Please help. – Sam (Oneonta, NY)
Dear Sam,
You’re right Sam, if only one of you have stepped forward to take action, your relationship could have been saved and nurtured. This is one very unfortunate fact… many potentially great relationships that could have flourished die in break ups over such relatively trivial matters. There are people who chose to not take action when things get a little bit rough even though they know that their relationship is great and worth saving. And there are so many completely unnecessary break ups allowed to crush just like that.
This could be one of those life-changing moments. This could be the time and place for you to stand up for what you know is right and to take a stand in favor of what might be the most important thing in the world—love. You can’t allow your own insecurities to stop you from getting your ex boyfriend back. Many people have failed to re-start their relationships because of their inability to overcome their own insecurities. Don’t be like them, don’t let your insecurities hold you back.
It’s fathomable that you might be reluctant to take action. Taking steps to get someone back in your life inevitably involves exposing your own vulnerabilities.Taking action can also place you at some risk of having your most tender tendencies poked and prodded. However, being proactive is going to force you to “put yourself out there”.
What if he says “no”? What if I’m embarrassed or humiliated? What if I’m forced to admit to my own mistakes?… You kept on asking “what if” questions, these questions won’t help you get through your situation at all, these questions only shows your insecurities. Yes, there are so many different potentially awkward and painful possibilities. Many women can be turned off from the idea of taking action to get a boyfriend back because they have self-confidence and self-esteem issues. They worry if they’re smart enough, pretty enough, interesting enough or otherwise “good enough” to justify happiness and a wonderful romance. Of course, they are, but by just saying that doesn’t make all of those insecurities disappear. No matter how many times your friends and I tell you how pretty you are, won’t keep you thinking of those painful possibilities.
Still, you can’t let those fears stand in your way of making a move to get him back. If you know the two of you deserve a second chance you owe it to yourself, to him and to your heart to do what you can to have a rebound relationship.
You can stop your insecurities from getting in the way by trying to focus on the positive future that awaits you after you get your ex boyfriend back. You can also take action based on a solid plan that all but guarantees a positive result. If only you have a good approach and are doing the things that really work, it can make you feel more secure in the situation and more confident about your actions.
You are good enough and you absolutely do deserve to get a second chance to make things work with your ex boyfriend. Don’t let anything stand in your way. Because in the end, the important thing is to take action regardless of your insecurities.
A Serious Action Is Needed To Get Your Ex Back
November 10, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Dear Candice,
Me and my boyfriend broke up 3 months ago, he broke up with me . I miss him a lot and I want him back. I’ve been trying to befriend him but it didn’t work. I also tried getting him back but it just pushed him farther away from me. At this point I think that I can’t do anything but to hope that things will get better in time. I’m really positive about it. I know love will find a way, I just don’t know when? – Jen, your old friend (from South Carolina)
Dear Jen,
Glad to hear from you. This might sound harsh, but it’s the hard, cold fact of the matter. Do not spend your time worrying and mourning your break up and wish for happier days to come back. Waiting for him to have a change of heart is definitely not the key to get him back into your life. If you want him back, you need to get busy and start following a smart plan designed to to make it happen as soon as you possibly can. Get yourself together and take action. If you get started taking action now, your odds of success will be considerably higher.
If you want to get your ex boyfriend back, taking action is absolutely essential. However, one thing is certain… taking action to rebuild a relationship can be really hard, especially during the emotionally raw days after a break up. But, if you know deep in your heart that you want him back, you have the responsibility to make it happen.
Yes, there is some remote possibility that things will work out on their own. That undoubtedly happens on some rare occasions. It’s even possible that he might alter his perspective after time passes and will then try to re-initiate your relationship. You must consider, however, what will happen if luck isn’t on your side. Where will that leave you? It certainly won’t be back in his arms.
You’ve mentioned, “love will find a way”. This may be true but the catch is… love will need your help to reach its final destination. Positive thinking, faith, hope and being wishful in your sentiments are all fine. They’re all good things. And definitely a forward-thinking attitude will help you get through the situation. But all these good attitude alone, won’t get you even close towards winning your ex back.
You said that you are unhappy about the break up. Now, take your time and aswer these questions. What have you done to reverse the breakup? What have you done to get him back so far? If your answer is “not that much” or “nothing at all”, it’s time to change your perspective and direction. It’s time to take serious action to get your ex boyfriend back. Definitely, it’s time to talk the talk and walk the walk.
There are a lot of people out there who have figured out a way to make relationships work and successfuly revived a seemingly hopeless relationship. You should sink your teeth into that valuable information and use it to help you move forward, actively, in your pursuit of your ex boyfriend. This only means that when you start to put your hands on a solid plan that will guide you through the process, you certainly can get your ex back in your life after a break up.
Always keep this in mind. You need to take serious, smart and coordinated action to get your ex back. That’s the only way to maximize your chances in rebuilding your relationship with your ex. If your heart is already screaming at you to go get your ex back. It’s about time to listen.
Candice Garcia’s and Curtis Daniel’s Blog
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