Moving On After A Break Up — Move on, Or In A More Visual And Definite In What It Means, Move Forward

May 27, 2009 | Leave a Comment

I think about my ex boyfriend everyday we ahve been slpit up for 6 years now but we talk all the time. I think i still love him and i cant get him out of my mind, is it possible that he thinks about me the same way if i feel so strongly after all this time??

please help me — Kelly on May 26th, 2009 5:26 am

Hi Kelly,

Perhaps yes, perhaps not… you see, sometimes we tend to give meanings to the actions of the other, the way we want it to be, and based on what we feel towards them. It’s good that you still get to talk, but it’s been six years… for sure a lot has changed already. What you need is to move on, or in a more visual and definite in what it means, move forward. Now, let me be profound…

The lack of one, can be the worst part of any relationship. I have been there… alone in the room in the aftermath of a break up, thinking why and how my relationship went all downhill. At some point in my life, I have waited and wasted precious time trying to get some closure from an ex who wasn’t willing, if not, couldn’t afford to give it.

I’ve scoured almost all relationship books in hopes to find a way on how to deal with unexpected break up. But really, what I’ve learned came from experiences. It came from friends who was once left behind, confused and broken-hearted. Whether your break up has come quickly without warning or was a result of a prolonged and bitter struggle, here are some ways on how to move on after a breakup.

Play it cool. The first few months after a break up is usually spent, more likely, in explaining what went wrong to each and every friend of yours. Some would jump start talking trash about their exes, this is definitely not a way to deal with it. This will do nothing but harm to you and and your ex-boyfriend. It’s okay to say how you feel about it, but take some responsibility. Staying your lips tight will keep your name clear of drama.

Don’t play the victim. In the movies, women always tend to be wounded and helpless at the end of the relationship. A study was released by the American Psychological Association, stating that women are twice as likely to develop depression than men. For your own good, be strong and stay positive. Easier said than done? True, but feeling lonely and wishful thinking won’t take you a single step away from having a broken heart. Asking for sympathy just makes you more vulnerable. And the more vulnerable you are, the more you are to make bad decisions.

Work on you. After a break up we tend to wallow in our sorrows. It’s not bad, more so needed, for a certain period of time. You need to do your very best to get yourself together, stand up, and make your mum proud. Pamper yourself and live well. As Spock would always say, with split-finger: “Live long and prosper.”

Refocus your life. Like any other problems in life… after all the wallowing, you need to refocus your life. Take a deep breath and set your priorities… your family, friends, career and yourself. If you feel you need some counseling, perhaps attend a retreat, do so. It will give you a lot of time to think things over, until you can finally sleep soundly.

Break ups are optional. Many people break up and then they make up. The relationship became strong relationships, the second time around. It’s true, my own relationship is one living proof. Break ups are optional when you have the right information. Do you really want the relationship back? If so, there are ways, you just have to make it happen.

Moving on has stages and the journey to it is different for everyone. Some may race through stages that take others an age to pass through and some may choose to take the road less traveled. Asking why, how and what if — the plague of those kind of questions is certainly not the key to getting the closure you need and moving on after a break up.

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Posted by Candice | Filed Under Moving On